I fight this battle hard and true
To find a way to make me new
But for all the pain that does ensue
I have me to thank and not you.

I'm tired out and torn apart
Ever since we broke each other's heart.
Such a feat came at a great cost
For that's when I found I was lost.

It seems that I am finding out
That evermore I'm finding doubt, 
For every right I do feels wrong
And I'm left wandering, wandering on.

What I should do I do not know,
Perhaps it's time to let this go.
I thought it was love, the day we met
But I guess it's time I just forget.

I long for things that have once been
To find joy in life, once again
But even at night this can never be
For not even my dreams have me smiling.

It seems that I am finding out
That evermore I'm finding doubt.
For after midnight comes the dawn
And I'm left wandering, wandering on.

I stumble around looking to find me
Trying to search for something to remind me
Have I ever been in this place before?
Or is this the first time I've opened that door?

I think I've lost myself to the night
Losing hope when I lost my sight
I'm blinded, broken, battered, and bruised,
If I find me will I be any less confused?

It seems that I am finding out
That evermore I'm finding doubt.
For out of sight my hope has gone,
And I'm left wandering, wandering on

7/7/14

Paranoid and scared
Feeling unprepared
Where will you strike next?
I hate having to guess
I don’t know who to trust
Even when I must
I can’t stand and fight
I don’t have the might
How do I protect?
When I don’t know to expect
Run, run, run away
I’m too terrified to stay.

This is a fictional account, but based
On truth for many women. I was,
Myself, abused by an ex-boyfriend.

---

Here's the ballad of Hammer Hand,
I'm here to spread it 'cross the land.
He loved to hit, as you can see.
What he hit was mainly me.
He was a brawler in the day,
But I left him where he lay.

This is for you gals out there
Who are hopeless, in despair,
Who are battered, made to kneel,
I do this so we both can heal.

I was kicked upside the head,
But now ol' Hammer Hand is dead.

~~CHORUS~~
Hammer Hand, oh Hammer Hand,
Did beating me make you a man?
I have suffered your attack,
You have made me blue on black,
Your heart was black, my soul was blue,
Your soul was false, my heart was true.

~~~~~~

Hammer Hand was tall and lean,
He was big, and ha was mean,
He would snack and he would punch,
Then he would demand his lunch.
He used to hit me when he drank,
His breath was fetid, his body rank,
Whenever help I'd try to seek.
He would hit me into next week.

~~~~~~

Hammer Hand is dead today
And this is what I have to say,
I told him when he broke my teeth,
He would pay and come to grief!
Satan himself will take you down,
And you'll be six feet underground.

~~ CHORUS ~~

I'm a woman so you're bold,
But Hammer Hand, you're getting old,
Hammer Hand you've had your fun,
But don't forget I have a SON.
You can make me black and blue,
But don't you go and  hit him, too!
Don't make him hate you, make him mean,
Soon he will be seventeen.

You said a thing which I believe,
You said you'd **** me if I leave.
But me 'n Jamie gonna pack,
We're gonna leave and not come back.
When I die, at least I know,
Where I'm bound, which way I'll go!
Down inside you know as well,
You are goin' straight to hell.

Hammer Hand, O Hammer Hand,
Now we've left, are you so grand?
You won't hurt us anymore,
'Cause you're dead upon the floor.
I don't think that you'll survive,
Shot with your own 45,

It wasn't me, I'm not that brave...

T'was Jamie put you in the grave.

At sixteen he was pale and shy

But he put a slug between your eyes.

You made him beg. You made him bow.

Well. I hope you're happy now.


SoulSurvivor
Catherine Jarvis
(C) June 11, 2011

I feel like a puppet.
I wish God would make up His mind.
One minute death,
the next life.

I feel like I’m in a stormy sea.
Being tossed to and fro amongst the waves,
battered and beaten down.

Please God,
release me from this.

The battle is over
my blade is broken
all of my arrows
have long been spent

Blood runs like a river
my flesh burnt ,
bones broken , flesh cut ,
stabbed and divided

And on my knees
I face my Victor
asking no grace
I the conflictor

Waiting for the inevitable
every second labored
would you do the honor
end it now and not later

She were like a hound
Which to a post of its choice was bound
In her hands lay tatters of shame
'Cause it wasn't for love but fame
She married, and hers were blames
With each piece of her eaten in flames
He was an epitome of calm
Honestly, he had no sign of harm
And obviously life wasn't meant to be hard
Counting on the floods of wealth he had
Who could tell that with passage of years
The price tag was being reduced to tears?
That it practically wasn't only wealth
That mattered, and her poor health
From constantly being battered
Made her feel entirely shattered
One found innocent and sweet
And left a ****** *******
Only deserving his stinking spit
She was a drum constantly hit
As if the price for the posh cars
Were wounds deep enough to leave scars
Being reduced to a little mouse
As rent for the big for nothing house
She dared to think she'd manage the cross
Ignoring that even in bed he was devil gross
None could blame her for leaving
Especially after realizing she'd tried hard
believing
Some thought her best wasn't good enough
Truth is life with the star was awfully rough

PERFECT WIFE

A perfect little wife
A perfect loving life
He slaps me in the face
I don’t feel disgrace.
As long as he comes home
And doesn’t choose to roam
Then I will toe the line
And all will be just fine.

I’m not the perfect wife
I can get out of hand
He’s the love of my life
You have to understand.
We have so much invested
In our life together.
He’s so very special
I’ll never find another.

It’s not his fault
What is going on.
It’s not his fault
I egged him on.
It’s not his fault
I burned his dinner.
It’s not his fault
I should have known better.

A perfect little wife
A perfect loving life
He slaps me in the face
I don’t feel disgrace.
As long as he comes home
And doesn’t choose to roam
Then I will toe the line
And all will be just fine.

When he’s sweet
He’s the love of my life.
He’s the perfect husband
For such a ******* up wife
When he’s angry
He’s not the same.
It’s all my fault;
He’s not to blame.

A perfect little wife
A perfect loving life
He slaps me in the face
I don’t feel disgrace.
As long as he comes home
And doesn’t choose to roam
Then I will toe the line
And all will be just fine.

Brent Kincaid
4/1/2015