A baby is born.
Hope handed over,
wrapped in blankets
and swaddled in light.
The baby grows
in warmth and love.
The years go by in flashes
of increasing darkness.
Seventeen years later,
the same child
crushes her knees
to her chest, warding
off the panic
in her blood
and the depression
in her head.
Life crashed down.
The parents stare
Where is the hope?
Their arms crave
to hold the bundle of hope
swaddled in light.
Their eyes yearn
to hear the warmth
of laughter bubbling
from lips too silent.
with her knees crushed
to her chest.
Battle scars much too deep
and past much too dark.
Had the idea for this a few months ago, but only finally wrote it a couple weeks ago.
I wail and scream and cry
my fists pounding against His chest
in rhythm with the nails in His hands
“Why. Why. I don’t understand”
My heart is breaking
My skin is sweating
My body is shaking
My fists are pounding
I am broken
I am angry
I feel Him start to move.
I see His hand reach out
and I prepare to be slapped.
But He moves some hair
that had fallen in my eyes
behind my ear.
He wraps His arms tightly around me.
Never letting go.
My pounding slows.
My shaking fades.
And I look up in shock
as I feel a teardrop on my nose.
I see water pouring from His eyes
as He weeps over my pain.
*My heart begins to mend.
Malignant cells residing in her chest.
It’s bad, they say, as if we can’t tell,
In the trash is where her hair dwells.
Her body is scarred, as she undressed,
Her naked soul exposed because of her breast.
Home is not home as we are residing in hell,
For who would want to say to their mother, farewell.
Some say that the victim is the only one stressed,
But all of us, her family, are depressed.
Our “home” is filled with gloom
For God is silent on His throne.
The hope in our souls is known;
She will be made new, as in the womb.
We can feel it in our bones;
We know we are not alone.
I want to see what makes you laugh
I want to see what makes you cry
I want to see deep inside your heart
And know the reason why
I want to see the time it takes
To get close to where you are
I want to see where love comes from
As we're held in each other's arms
I want to see our beginning
But I never want to see our end
I want to see it now
And I want to see it then
I want to see the sunshine
Reflect off your morning smile
I want to see it once
And then again a million times
I want to see all your desires
Mixed in with all your needs
I want to watch you sleep at night
So I can see inside your dreams
I want to see the playback
When all of this comes true
Then I want to see it rewound
And watch it all again with you
I remember a time some summers back.
Brother and sister climb into the bath tub,
bathing suits on,
ready to relax and have fun.
Brother wasn't always so nice to sister.
He yelled things, terrible things.
He hit hard, awfully hard.
He said he didn't know his own strength.
Sister doesn't know if he meant physically or emotionally.
But that day was good.
It was a day of sun and water.
Brother wanted to see how long sister could hold her breath.
So she went down.
Underwater where the sounds echo and distort.
Sister came up a half minute later.
Suddenly, brother pushed sister back under.
Sister had barely gotten a breath in.
Sister waited a few seconds.
Then it got hard to breathe.
Sister pushed her brother.
against his arm.
Brother released sister's head.
Brother laughed at my tears.
Brother scoffed my fear.
Brother never said "sorry".
Today, years later, the story is the same.
the water is depression
and the brother
Unfortunately, this is a true story. Wish I made it up.
Have you ever felt the kind of numbness that sinks into your bones?
The kind that leaves you hollow and empty inside.
All except for that lingering lead ball
residing in the pit of my stomach.
No matter what I do,
the medication I take,
the therapists I see,
the prayers I pray,
that lead ball is still there.
And when things escalate,
my soul is despondent within me
the numbness takes over.
"Seek God and all will be well"
I call BS.
Not all will be well.
In fact, we are guaranteed a difficult life.
I just want a break sometimes.
A breath of fresh air, you know?
It's hard to get that
when there's a lead ball
in your stomach
in your bones.
a deep dark abyss
of a heart rises
the pain she can’t resist
unknowingly consuming her
it starts as nothing
a night crying disregarded
thought as hormones
not actual tears from her heart
the silence follows
people pushing feelings aside
not knowing the silly words hurt
not knowing how she cries at night
she’s regarded as talentless
thought as a person without
one who’s feelings don’t matter
she tempts thoughts of harm
picking up a blade, but setting it back
knowing she couldn’t stand the pain afterwards
just wanting people to see how she hurts
just wanting people to care for her
just wanting to be appreciated
just wanting people to pray for her
but no one knows
so the pain just sits in her heart
even with a smile on her face
even when she laughs
inside, she cries
Wrote this three years ago. Life was not going well.