I see people struggling with what they learned.
I’ve yet to learn anything.
My mind just feels empty and blank.
There’s nothing in it but abstract forms that ellicit vague and varied emotional responses.
~
Suddenly, without warning, “it” attacks.
But my apathy would invalidate “it”.
But “it” stays there.
Waiting until I feel again.
Until “it” re-triggers my emptiness and apathy.
Waiting to be filled only to be spilt and reduced to nothing.
An absence, a darkness, an abyss of unfeeling.
A deprivation of senses as if something has died.
“It” just does what “it” is intended.
At first, apathy dismisses “it”.
But soon, I regain my consciousness.
And “it” subdues my consciousness into apathy.
“It” is an endless cycle.
There’s no other word for “it”.
~
It is just “it”; an entity that lacks words to express, a phenomenon.
An anomaly within me.
I’m tired. Academically drained, lacking passion and dreams. Lacking aspirations, goals, ambitions and motivation. Lacking a future outlook. Trapped in a cycle of an empty mind and a broken body. I don’t feel anything but heaviness. Maybe this is depression? Lapses in memory? Random aches? Hypochondria? “It” swallows me whole.
