Go door to door sleeping on different floors
Friend to friend living on friendships till they end
I'm a chore waiting outside your door
I'll leave your heart bruised and sore
And then I'll wander once more

Doors open to me before I close them behind me
Live here till they don't see a friend when they look at me
Can't stand a driftless loser whose drowning in a sea of apathy
When you remember the past I hope that I'm an absentee
I was pushed away and you deserve better than me

We used to talk at the lunch table and laugh all day
I felt joy with you when all there was, was gray
At recess, we would sit and talk and laugh all day
I felt a connection with you and had so much to say
Now we sit on the couch and talk and cry all day

Life keeps getting colder and we keep getting older
You made something of yourself moved much bolder
Every weight and sad day you would shoulder
While I sat under a tree and laughed into october
Laughed away the day until my heart froze over

Mostly I smoke **** and don't do much of anything
Something I'm interested in? no there's not a thing
Maybe I could just die if a bee would choose to sting
Relax in flower fields, watching the bees in the spring
Death fluttering over buttercups while I eat a fairy ring

"Relax", "Slow down", "What's the big deal anyway"
You really just have so much you want to be and to say
But I don't have much I want to be and really whose to say
I'll get out of your way, your right I guess I just get in the way
And its okay if we never talk there's not much to say anyway

Goodbye.

I use my shaded 3rd and 4th eyes
To hide indifference
And at times I feel a post-dentist numbness
Across the expanse of my mind
And it begins to seep
Leak
Sneak
Into the marrow and tendons of my being
Hey.
Ask me later if I give a sh*t

If there is a thin line
Between love and hate
There must be a thick one as well
And on that uncaring hill
I built my tower for you

who is the toy in this delicate, intimate, savage game
the player or played, the dom or sub, the boy or girl
who has the power, the control, the authority when holding another’s heart
lay down, surrender, savor the sweet intense distillation of love and lust
what is the price you pay for limerence my dear
power lies with whoever cares the least

in a  landscape of open graves
every love story are tragedies, always will be
tomorrow is never promised, not ever
you can not fight who you are
you will lose, tragically, epically

when the pain is greater than the fear
meaning, feeling of infinite hope disappears
the light fades to black, you plunge to the emotional depths
unbridled passion becomes overwhelming fear

ask lady Murasaki, “autumn is no time to lie alone”
the blossoms have fallen, the sweetest fruits picked
winter is coming , days grow colder, nights darker
the fire dies, only embers glow, in the center of the hearth
who has the power, the control, the authority when holding another’s heart

I’ve never known love,
Although I’ve loved fiercely,
Always being the caged dove,
With wings damaged severely.

Through the dark, two lights were shining bright,
Those were your eyes,
In me they ignite,
A fire leading to my demise.

You sank your teeth into my heart,
And left me bleeding,
My world has fallen apart,
With you on its throne, leading.

Your apathy is killing me,
Tell me, how can you be so cruel?
Ignoring my plea,
As if I were a worthless jewel.

it was the night before christmas, alone in my room
i found myself longing to remain in this tomb
blankets and pillows tossed about without care
knowing with sunrise, the joyous will stare
tossing and turning, alone in my bed
visions of the merry danced in my head
it's not that i'm sad, at best perhaps apathy
a longing to be something but this walking tragedy

so i march and i move, straight path to the corner
a wind up toy run dry, much to my horror
part of me still longs for my lost childlike wonder
part of me is hit with this realization of sonder

there are people like you, there are people like me
there are people all over like us that we just cannot see
they stay up til dawn, perfecting their masks
checking their list twice, completing the tasks
practice makes perfect, they study their smile
knowing they must try harder, must not appear vile

for it's not that i don't wish to celebrate this joy
just that peeling myself from bed feels like a ploy
but still i press on as the night draws to a close
knowing that when the sun comes, i must ignore the lows

and for anyone out there who can relate to this tale,
i wish you slumber, a momentary relief from your ail
you are not out of mind, even if you are out of sight
happy christmas to all, and to the lonely - goodnight.