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Joshua Crain Apr 2
I wanna **** you
Slit your stupid throat
I would laugh at the dying sounds it makes
I detest you
Put my fist right through your skull
Feel the bones crushing in my hand,
As I shove my fingers into your brain

Because I hate you
More than I even hate myself
I detest you like a maggot in the grave
I wanna crush you,
Dissolve you in a vat of my shame

You left your taint behind you,
When you up and ran away,
Put your dagger in my back,
Left me in a shallow grave.
I can still taste you,
A flavour once so sweet
Has turned putrid in my mouth,
And I can't spit it out

So I'll rip your brain out through your eyes
Take a cudgel to your spine
Destroy and pulverize
Till there's nothing left but a stain,
On my memory.
I have past relationships that have ended poorly. And a large part of the blame for that lies on my shoulders. There's a lot of shame and pain I feel as a result of those experiences. Rather than face my own failures and short comings, I often just wish I could **** off anything and everything that reminds me of that time.
Joshua Crain Feb 24
Chasing rainbows in my head
The world outside is cold and dead
As I'm chasing butterflies
The world outside has passed me by

And here I lie in the sands of time
Skeletal and bare
Minnows swimming through my skull
A grinning sightless stare

Diving deep to find the source
Of the pretty mermaid song
The siren voice turns me off course
Now I drift in the duldrums

As I drown in shallow waters
I could breathe if I would stand
But here I lie lulled to sleep by sirens
Comatose in the sand

Too tired now to stay awake
I think I'd rather fade away
Leave all my dreams castaway
On the ebbing tide
Wake me up or let me die
Let me drown or save my life

Let the sea take these bones
And turn them into driftwood.
Joshua Crain Dec 2018
I will fail you,
I will fall.
Let you down just like before.
Everything I built will burn.

Broken dreams and broken trust
Crush the hopes you held so dear.
A shallow wave,
I'm so wind tossed.
I can't find my way.

A thousand nights I've spent right here.
A thousand times I've fallen down.
I spend more time in the grave
Than with the living.

What is wrong?
Why can't I change?
I'm always lost or in the way,
And so tired now,
I just want to die.

Because I'm so tired
Of my own tired out excuses.
And I'm so done
With this over played refrain.
I've rehearsed these lines
A thousand times,
But everything is useless.
No matter how hard I try, how hard I cry,
Nothing will ever change.

Can you find me?!
Do you still love me?!
Will you save me once again?
I spend more time falling,
Than I ever do on my feet.
Tell me! Please! Tell me!
What the Hell is wrong with me?!
Joshua Crain Dec 2018
I want to die tonight.
Leave it all behind,
Make a break with time,
And make a break for freedom.

Kiss the sky,
And take a look behind
The veil that holds the stars in place,
And ties us down to time and space,
Caught within an endless race...
I just want it to be over.
Joshua Crain Apr 2018
You make me high.
You're intoxicating.
I can't decide
Whether that's a good thing,
Or if all my mad rebellion
Is only a lie I keep telling
Just to justify
My compromise.

So hold me close tonight.
Don't ever let me go.
I don't care.
I just don't care anymore.
You fill me up when you lay me down.
In your arms... Let me drown.  

You get me off
And you know I love it.
Want to ****,
Come on, lets do this!
Done with all this dry tradition,
But is this just another repetition
Another fast escape from the truth?

Hold me close tonight.
Don't ever let me go.
I don't care.
I just don't care anymore.
You fill me up when you lay me down,
In your arms... let me drown.

Hold me closer,
Draw me in.
Awash in the glory of all our "sin"
Burn the pulpit,
Shred the pews.
**** the rules.
Joshua Crain Mar 2018
In a world of empty dreams
I walk alone.
In the dark where no one sees
I walk alone.
Alone among the barren trees,
Restless in my wandering,
The whisper of the falling leaves-
"Alone."

Fading to Nothing,
Here I am.
Lost in the wanting,
Empty hands.
Tired and angry,
Cold as stone,
I walk alone.

Rough and cold against the skin.
I am alone.
Hold me close and draw me in...
Alone.
Encase me in shroud of green,
Laid beneath the willow tree,
Love was never meant for me.
I walk alone.

Reaching for something
I cannot hold.
Something is missing,
Leaving me cold.
The leaves keep falling,
The cycle turns.
Dry up, die, and burn.

I lie down to die
With all these fading dreams.
One last time, I close my eyes,
Sink beneath the falling leaves,
Alone.
Joshua Crain Feb 2018
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