It’s said that the human body replaces itself
With entirely new cells every seven years.

In seven years, I will be free from your touch.

In seven years your fingerprints will
No longer be burned into my skin.
In seven years I will be able to
Wash my body and finally feel clean.

In seven years I will be able to kiss
Without getting sick in a cold toilet,
Sobbing sobbing sobbing,
Because my tongue tastes of you.

In seven years, maybe I won’t
Lock my bedroom doors,
Fearing a monster that lives
Not under the bed.

In seven years, one more woman
Will pretend to feel free.

I cried again last night,
I just hate doing that.
I hate how uncontrollably my tears fall,
How they just roll off my eyes, smash my pillow at free will,
While I try with all my might to not let the sounds of cry escape my lips.

I hate feeling so helpless,
I hate the dampness of my pillow in the morning,
I hate that I have to wake up before everyone else so I can fix my eyes,
I hate that I made this my norm.

Honestly I'm tired...
I'm tired of hiding my pain,
I'm tired of hiding my sadness,
I'm tired of hiding my anger,
I'm tired of hiding my breakdowns.

I don't want to be the strong one anymore.
No one checks up on the strong one.
I don't want to live under these assumptions of being a fighter,
I can't even hold up a fist.
I don't want to be dealt these cards anymore and be told to just make it work.

I'm tired,
I am so so tired.
I'm exhausted.
Just... depleted.

I can’t date men now
You took
I am scared of them touching me
And took
Their anger terrifies me
And took
What if they don’t listen
And took
What if they don’t ask
And took
What if they haunt me
And took
As your hands do

Icy cold spiky pain
Fear of love or loss
Live until you hurt again
Broken happy thoughts

Once was pink Then was red
Now it's black it's gone
Fear is like an infrared
And Invisible love

I want you to see this
There's a façade kind of bliss
That in my mind's eye
It sure felt like heaven's kiss.

You want me to see this
Play a part in your petty dreams
Let myself get lost in this shame abyss
Be seduced by your trysts.

If you wanted me to see this
How come we were a miss
And how come your new love's still
An old reminisce
Of memories and an angry's cat
Hiss?

I wanted you to see this
Maybe in the end
We were simply meant
To be each other's deadly miss.

I am standing at the precipice of a new beginning
the first step is encased in concrete
the landscape is green mountains and laughing streams
Behind me is cloudy and ablaze with rage
ahead it seems as if I would be happy here
Why is it so hard to make that first step
I am frightened
They appear, take my hands and my feet are free and  floating
"Come play with us " They cry
"Where were you?" I exclaim  "I needed you!"
"We were here all along,
holding your hands,
walking with you,
waiting for you to be ready " they respond.
"Why didn't I SEE you?." I respond.
"You just had to alter your course and remove your sight from the fires of rage"