Am I in league with Hell?
Or is that just how it feels?

Am I truly evil?
Is it my ideals?

Is it my rage alone-
That electrifies the eels?

The fear inside
It petrifies and reels

Pulls me back and forth
Conceals what's truly real

The reaction I can give a thing
Is not always how I feel

And past the stars and burning eyes
The truth can finally be realized
If it was overkill
Or if it was justified

im so angry
my emptiness
my loneliness
my everything
all my emotions
boil down to rage

why must i have such high expectations
of myself, and why must other have
such high expectations of me?
im not built for constant brain tearing,
splitting, spearing forwards, to stab the wall
with the sharp edges of my frazzled mind

im a live wire
fizzling against the ground
begging, reeling, praying
for someone to touch it
to spread its angry, fizzing electricity
through someones heart.

as i continue down this path
drinking and smoking and pushing myself
to death
the teenage dream
my rage will push me to new heights
pull me up to great things
just to spite those who wronged me.

And the child cursed the sun
For killing the moon and stars

I screamed 
"I WOULD HAVE DONE EVERYTHING FOR YOU"
"I WOULD HAVE DONE EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING"
I screamed at the top of my lungs
My fists clenched white as tears fell down
I screamed at the world
Until my heart gave out
I screamed
For someone who isnt' there anymore

And that was the last time
I let the world see me
Hear me
Begged for love

He didn’t cheat
But
Was it okay to still be with her?

After all the reassurance
“She's just a friend”
“I do not want anything with her”
Was that real?

Was it real when less then a week after everything
The breakup
The ***
Something still happened?

She
The one who I talked to
About the discomfort I felt every time she was around

She
The one who gave me reassurance
“Nothing is going to happen between us”

All the little respect I had for them
Vanished
Instantly

The disgust is stronger than any other emotion
And I just found that out

Wish the world ***** them both

H as in, How could you do this to me?!
H happens when you least expect it!
H for, How happy are you now?
H to, Hello all my unanswered text and calls!
H is to, Hell with promises
H is the first letter in the word Helpless
H isn't the letter f for **** all of this.
H for you're always at a party and never Home.
H for my name is Hope
because that's what I was full of
before I met you.

H is what does she have that I don't have?!
H for , our Holidays were fixing to be together
H for I feel like a stupid ***
H is for, Hoes have feelings too!
H is for, to Hell the fact your name begins
with an N and not giving a **** what
this is all doing to me.

H for humiliating your so called "nagging wife"
who wanted good morning texts,
"What are you doing?" responses
and letting me know when your making
plans without me.
I only wanted to feel a
part of your everyday life
because you're so far away!
Yeah
but to hell with that too right?
As long as you get out
of the cage that is me.
Yes, to hell to the 2 years of love
because **** taking accountability
             This final H is for
              Hope this poem finds you
               because I haven't been able to...