But if
you chased
my demons away,
what am I
really
left with?

Angels
don't know what
it's like to
be an outcast.

Who will cherish me
When withering autumn leaves
Are stripped of their golden gallantry
By the biting winter winds

Writer and reader alike
Chasing currents of contradictions
Like our will to death, fighting for life
Am I here at all if I am not here to stay

Points of purpose, in shallow moments
Ripped by tides and dragged away
We mind the depths, so to never dig up our dead
A fading remember when

Time and tide, forever outpacing the lives of men
Unearthed and submerged
In the instant between
The angel opening his eyes, and the tired who resign to dream

Black and white
Glitter falls
As the angels drop
From the sky above
Glow and rise
Echo calls
Through the colored wind
Clouds start to mend

I love you in ways I didn’t know true
You keep running and hiding from the truth
If only you knew
A soul contract we agreed a few lives ago
Eternal love
Made from the angels above.

angels fall like fireworks
sizzling
crackling-divinity
sparking on skin-burning
brightly
as i held him tightly
as i held him as if i’d die if he would let go

he let go

and i fell, falling like a shooting star
silently screaming as my splayed heart strangely kept beating
“i love you, aziraphale and all that you are” and my love looked down
and i saw him weep
(for me
for me!
Because of me)
i saw the tears from all his eyes run down his face into the sky
as he told me “you and i, all that we are, i will find you again no matter how far
away you land
a thud on the sand
a splash in the sea
i’ll find you again
please!
wait for me”

i fell and angels all around me screamed out their dying cries
i fell and thought the fire all around me was surely nothing but lies
i fell and saw all around me it was better to be ignorant than wise
i fell and the stars all around me fell too, falling through the skies

i fell but i could not stop watching his eyes
those endlessly seeing
Throughout all my being
brilliantly ****** eyes

and i thought to myself
what else
could i possibly want to see
then his eyes crying for me
why would i want to see my life without him
a life with no hand in mine
a life spent twisting my spine
a life with wings bound in twine
a life with no sign of the Divine

oh MOTHER
why would you do this
why must you cast me away
i’d beg and i’d barter
(don’t make me a martyr!)
anything for a chance to stay

oh mother doesn’t listen
oh mother doesn’t care
oh mother i cry out; my tears glisten
oh mother are you there?

no one is there and i’m all alone and sometimes i wish i was made of stone
or better yet,
a galaxy
-brilliant and bold-
no pain to be had, no story to be told
just light all round me
light from the burning, turning sun

the sun, the sun it glows so bright
it feels warm, like a hug from him (so tight!)
so golden, so glittering
so molten, so obliterating
so like his countless tears

what is there for me to look for?
what is there for me to find?
the battle is over; they won the war
and i'm lost to him for all of time

oh sun please don’t listen
oh sun please don’t care
i cry out as my tears glisten
oh sun please just be there

burn my eyes black and haunted
burn them like these wings, undaunted
by the tar upon them

destroy my eyes so completely
so the only thing that can run so fleetly
through my mind is his eyes weeping so sweetly
as She casts me out and the kingdom is restored so neatly

burn them black, i tell you
burn them like i fell, oh hell, you!
burn them crisp, oh i smell you!
oh sun, you lovely ball of fire
grant me this, my one desire
make me blind so all i see
is him
weeping for me

…

it did not work
sun, you failed me

they are not black and haunted
they are not blind and bleeding
they are sickly, ickly yellow
and somehow always needing
to see him again

when he was stolen from us,
the angels fell from heaven
their pure wings were ripped from their shoulders
the halos torn from atop their heads
thrown to the ash

shooting stars plunged
doomed for earth
one by one
then all together

she wept through the day
long into the night
suffocated by the thought
of remaining without him

with anger and sorrow
she blamed the angels
who were supposed to
defend him

life without him
would be a cold fire in the bitter winter
present
but with no warmth

we bid our farewell to the closed casket,
the barrier between us
as it lowered
into the dust

Panic and Perplex were angels,
                   Until God, grounded them.
                                                       Mid-Flight.

Long ago,
when earth was clean and silver bright
an angel fell, compelled by vast eternal might
beyond all time
through endless night so brightly starred
his wings aflame his halo charred
remembering beauty through his tears
to see him through in later years