some of the best recollections i curated is that of chaos.

i know you hate it, so i will make you remember.

how you lolled your tongue at the sight of garlic in your porridge when we’ve got nothing else to eat on a rainy day.

bowls of getting by squeezed out of tired pores, crated palms with puddles of a won day, same palms like coveted napkins on the lap of the rich wiping the long breath of hopelessness from your cheeks.

reed-thin body,
bones as if wafers,
yet we sprung forward.
not a care as we watched
the jowly cheeks of wanting
puff up.

how hand-me-down yesterdays were worn—a tradition tied around a last name like All Souls’ Day candles. they peer from behind the stars, thoughts of them sparkle, they are reminded of fights, they are reminded why they left in the first place, just in case boredom pays them a visit.

i’ve come to know, the most practical way to get a golden ticket to the land of happiness is to have it handy in my heart.

but you locked it up in a gilded cage and you chased a star not knowing it’s a sunset and it just kept dipping into peaks jutting out of nowhere, you had worn out your heels and you were left with nothing but midnight instead of holding on to your blanket and watch a new day spill out of the sky.

you were insane that way.

remember the shame how magic belts turned us red and purple and upright, and how we were the grinch who stole baby Jesus away from his nativity set and got caught and were taught grownups pick on kids who didn’t know better?

remember how mathematics predetermined our future as undisputed champs of failure courtesy of our clairvoyant aunts?

it mattered little—
inconsequential, so to speak.
we heaved our arms,
hoisted our dreams
onto our scrawny frames.
our bulging chests
were enough
for us to beat,
like bongos,
we fanned the flames
until they voices
throughout the milky way.
our mother
in her innocence believed
we were capable
of many a great things
between the better parts
of her mood swings.

we were mirrors more than we were humans portioned in parts bitter and beauty, we rummaged through every chance hoping we could unearth change, but we never did until it was too late.

yet, i always had your hand in mine. we dropped out of the line and strayed away from paths stamped with footprints of approval and wandered on roads no one can see but our hearts knew.

remember the day you let go so you could hold bottles thinking they were looking glasses, thinking they fermented clarity aged in oak barrels, and day after day you took a drop until you had an ocean dissolving you?

remember how i found real estate in the promises of a girl, how i grew a house there, but then, time mistook her for dorothy and blew her away like a tumble **** into the arms of another boy?

how i bawled out and how you had a ball at my expense, laughing at my silence at open mic night?

remember when we heard a drop of a needle the size of the moon hurtling down the earth when father sat up on his bed for the last time with his eyes open as if he saw an unseen door somewhere. somehow, we heard him skittering away while he left us a fertilizer for everyone to cry about?

remember how we forgot. we dreamt under the same roof before our feet carried us away.

into the mist went we,
threads began to fray,
we forgot.

i will make you remember,
before all that i am unravels.

It's like walking on PINS and NEEDLES,
which is very, very HARD to ENDURE,
While going through TRYING TIMES, and HARDSHIPS,
Looking for HOPE but just NOT TOO SURE.


When LIFE is GIVING you LEMONs or
You are just HANGING on by a THREAD,
or looking for a SCAPEGOAT or,
MAYBE IT ALL IN YOUR HEAD.


Whenever there is a PROBLEM,  
an ISSUE or NO RESOLUTION,
JUST ALWAYS REMEMBER:
THOUGH IT ALL!!!
There will always be a SOLUTION!!!


When Your NERVES are on the EDGE, and
YOU'RE COMPLETELY LOOSING CONTROL,
Your MIND is GOING SIDEWAYS,
As if you have NO PLACE ELSE TO GO,
When your NERVES are GETTING THE BEST of YOU, and
THOUGHTS are going TO and FRO.


Just TAKE in a FEW DEEP BREATHS L,
A give a STERN GLANCE,
LET GO of your FRUSTRATIONS and
Here comes your BIG CHANCE,


To LET GO OF the NERVES and
the TENSION,
For, this FEELING IT WILL NOT LAST,
IT WILL SUBSIDE and then GO AWAY, and
Your ANXIETY will be in the PAST!!!!


B.R.
Date:  10/31/2024

Art is a masterpiece
When no change is needed
To understand
Is to draw the last breath

For you,
From my terrace garden,
I bring a bouquet.

Of daffodils,
And
Of daisies.

THE CHRYSALIS IS WORN
AND IS NO MORE
HAPPY JOURNEY LOVE!

♥DLR
07/07/2024
☀♥ƸӜƷ✿♬

Dearest tree of life giver of life lover of life I find you in every tree every twin butterfly in wild gardens
I see you in my own reflection
Come to me love
I am totally found in memories of you otherwise totally lost
You are my true north
The mirror of you is besides me to show me where I am
And a compass rests besides my bed pointing towards you
Dearest Darling
Oh how I love you
Miss you want you
~~~~~
By: Mr and Mrs Andrews and Karijinbba..

No one knows the truth, no one knows how I truly feel inside,how completely shattered I am by all of it and I just get to sit in silence. Pretending that I am okay to avoid the questions of why and the fact that I just am tired. Tired. Tired, so Tired. But why? Im 21 why am I so tired? Why does it have to be this way? I feel so disconnected it’s crazy. I don’t believe my life went this way and I have no one to be there for me. I dont sleep, sleep isn’t even the right way to describe what I go through. I’m floating looking at my sad lifeless body toss and turn in the sheets begging for 1 second of rest. Then I wake up, waking up is the worst, someway again I don’t fit. Somehow im not enough today, somehow take photos for you to just look at another, somehow you revert back to your old ways. Do I revert back to mine,I was raised and viewed as some rag, some broom to help clean up. Maybe I revert back to that, I’m so tired of peoples view on me as a parent, i’m sick I need help mental physical emotional, you don’t know me and you try to say that how I feel isn’t a big deal, brush me off like the others. I don’t have anyone, no one. Wow I look at my life as a whole always moving around and never once being able to be in the moment, always taking care of others, I never had a childhood, I barely remember my past,I don’t understand my present, I feel shamed, unworthy, I am so tired. I didnt ask for this, I don’t want to be singled out in my life, I wish I had courage.I wish I had peace.