Tonight I am 26
At a concert
Standing so close to the girl in front of me
I can smell her perfume
And coconut shampoo-
I am swaying with the crowd
And the person next to me
Has an expression of pure joy across her face
Vibrant lights race across the room
Revealing hundreds of people
Who are feeling what I am feeling.
We throw our hands in the air
And allow ourselves to escape reality
For just one night.

Tonight-
I am alive.
We are alive.

There's a part of me
That cannot be bound
By any ties of time & space

It's the part of me
That lives
In all the corners of the world
I've yet to step
And in the hearts of all the people
I've yet to meet
And in all the decades and centuries
that led until the day of my birth

This is the part of me
That aches at night
And wakes me every morning
Reminding me
What it means
To be alive

so hard to comprehend if you
can truly be loved as you are
or we simply use each other
like Seurat used light
the jukebox of desire plugged-in
it keeps turning reality against itself

sometimes  I am dreaming, feeling
crying, laughing too much
I know.
I keep looking at the world
with the terror of being alive
with a look that exhausts love
itself

what if contradiction is the mother
of progression?

We, these wing'd
Wicked things
Filth and fiends
Fearless and free
Terrors that soar
Waking you
From fevered
Dreams
Mayhem
On a whim
Fugitive as
The wind
Christened
In sin
Do you truly
Know your
Wolves within?

We are you
The madness
That lurks
Within your
Deepest animal
Mind; begging
To be free

I keep searching for you
Not only me searching
It is me and each smallest piece of me
My soul, my heart, my mind and certainly my whole.
Even the walls, the windows, the doors and the places we used to stick to and see and talk to each other are asking for you and we all missing you; and for this, we all have this message to tell you!
So, this is for you!

You are the sugar in my blood that is enough to make me smile, laugh for ages and enough to bring me joy and happiness that never ends!

You are the breath going in and out from and within me at every single beat
You are the oxygen that circles inside my lungs and keep me healthy and well.

You are pills that cures me from each pain i face or i have! You make me feel safe and only safe and forever immune!

You are the electricity i ever need to keep my body up and working.

You are my lovely rainbow that colors my days and nights with a new painting and make each glow and shine!

I don't need the moon, i don't need the stars cause i have you! You are every things i ever dreamt of!

With you i see this life from another perspective and see it different. It has a sense and clear meanings! You make it simple and easy to understand!

Before you, i never wanted it as much as i do with you and
I'll never want it if without you!
I'll always want it with you
I'll always want you
Only you
My darling ❤️

I pretend that my heart doesn’t sink
when I remember, only fragments of you

I pretend to want this life
even when I can no longer stomach it

I pretend not to notice my scars
underneath my new green skirt

I pretend to be alive
despite my decaying soul