More pills
More colors
3 yellow ones
2 blue and white capsules
3 white ones
No more blue pill
The blue one was hurting me
I was hearing voices
I was seeing ghosts
My doctored said it was normal
But changed the dose anyway
I don't see voices
Or hear the ghosts anymore
I can't feel my fingertips
And I sleep for 16 hours
Another refill
Another pill
Pill after pill
31 days until the next refill

Come over and peel away my skin
layer by layer
you won't find bones or muscles
you won't find viens or nerves
you'll find strings of anxiety
you'll find long lines of worries
all held together by rusted nails

i've reverted back to the days when
i held a permanent position
in between the arms of an
ugly, paisley patterned easy chair.

i played a game of hide and seek--
hiding from feelings, sought only by others
to prove that i had some semblance of humanity
lurking behind my blank eyes.

those days were dark, angry
as they ate me up, gathering every drop
of my existence like a sponge

fast forward: i'm far away and
mom says the chair is gone.
what should have felt like anguish
feels like nothing.

all the feelings are in the chair
like coins hidden in the couch cushions,
gone before we recognized their existence.

i've reverted back to the days when
i held a permanent position
in between the arms of an
ugly, paisley patterned easy chair,

but now the chair is gone
and i am left to soak up the feelings.

And now I'm caught in a Dread Lock,
Cause if Marleys to be believed then
"None but ourselves can free our minds"
But am I myself?
Am I being deceived by mine?
Mixed signals being received by mine.
tells me I'm fine,
But what if I'm not?
I'm scared to stop.
In possession of past lessons
I'm scared to stop.
But I'm lost
Paths hidden
But I tread on
Scared to stop.
Shadows thought ridden
Stalk me.
Turn round?
I dare not,
scared to stop.
Can I control it this time?
Doubt chimes.
Cornerstone of my downfall
Is doubts chime.
I'm Running out of time
Running I fall in slow motion
Tidal wave of emotion
about to hit
But am I fit to deal with it?
Last time I drowned in it.
Swallowed me up for years
I Disappeared
Overshadowed by fears
In despair I'd sit.
Can I beat it this time?
Defeat it this time?
Or will my life be on repeat
For all time?
Will I find I'm
Confined to a mind
I cannot control?
Emotions take hold.
Frozen to the spot
But I'm scared to stop!
I'm scared to stop
Cause if I do IT might catch me up...