She didn’t understand herself
Her mind was in a state of pure chaos
She didn’t understand the powers
She had deep down inside
Her soul was burning
With an igniting flame
But she didn’t understand what to do with it
She didn’t understand right from wrong
Her wings that made her fly
To the highest of heights were cut off
And burned
Her head was in the clouds
While her feet were on the ground
Constantly having the desire to fly
But was unable
Not understanding why
An outside force was dragging her down
Which made her think the worst of herself
Without her vibrant personality
She felt nothing
She would try to fly nevertheless
And would always come crashing down
Constantly hurting herself
Making it worse every time
She was left broken, beat up, and bruised
Feeling unworthy
When all along it was you;
Who didn’t have the capability to fly

My heart began to tick away time
Like fingernails to a table
Running out the clock on our relationship
Running out the excuses in my brain

I became so good at weaving lies,
I kept myself warm even when your arms were far.
When a person freezes to death,
They take off their clothes
in a phenomenon known as paradoxical *******.
Taking off my
lies
excuses
folly that you're good for me
was the hardest part of
learning where we were.
In letting go.
In death.

If some of you wonder why I didn't just leave, I need you to hear this.
I told him to leave my house, he refused. If I tried to call someone he would take my phone. If I tried to leave he would block the door.

Why didn't I just ask for help? Oh I did. My mom thinks it's my fault and my friends just ignore those texts; they'll answer any other messages I send them, but not the ones begging for help.

He told me not to tell my therapist, but even when I try she tells me it's just a hard time and we will get through it.

I have given up even trying to leave. I will just deal with this. I can't get out on my own and I have no help. Everyone is okay with seeing me like this. So I guess I just won't make a fuss about it anymore.

Don't you dare blame it on me. I did everything that people tell you to when you're in a situation like mine.

"Why didn't you just leave him?"
Why didn't you help me?

The things he said hurt her terribly,
His words cut like knives,
But she wasn't allowed to scream
Because then people would see what was happening,
And they would know how terrible he was.  
No punches were thrown, no slaps were
Necessary to bruise her heart.  
Now with every beat her heart grows weaker.  
Her mind weakens with it thinking,
“What if he says it again, what if he hurts me again?  
What if it turns physical?”
She doesn't trust him, doesn't love him
The same way she used to.  
Her heart is damaged, and his words now have
Done too much damage for him to fix it.  
So she must find another, one who has
The capability of fixing her heart without hurting it more, someone with the true skills of a surgeon.  
She finds him, and grows to love him,
This one who has mended and enhanced her heart
In ways she cannot explain, but
She is not destined to be with him,
As her lover drags her back to the
Dark recesses of her mind where
She grows to hate herself because of his hurtful words.  
She prays that one day that
She will have the courage to break out of the cycle
And keep her heart intact and whole;
The way it was supposed to be.

I wonder what you're thinking about with that blank stare.
Do you mean it when you tell me that no one else compares?
I want to believe in you but I have my doubts.
Where is someone that can tell me what you're really about?
Blue and glossy eyes, scarlet face, and frightful disposition.
I know my friends would tell me to run if they knew my position.
Your actions, I cannot deny, are beyond my comprehension.
I am stuttering and shaking, I can't help this apprehension.
When will I get the courage to leave you and accept our fate?
Sooner or later, they will see through my eyes too, and notice how they dilate.
Ask me how I am, I'll tell you I'm fine and some other lies.
But please don't listen to my words, just look at me in the eyes.

you were the moon,
and i, the tide.
you hauled me in,
only to set me loose again.
"i'm sorry, i love you"
bruises from the impact litter my spine, my ribs.
"forgive me"
the words emerge from your coarse lips,
begging me to overlook the torment.
"it won't happen again"
i try to escape, to fly away,
but the arduous grip of your hand keeps me on the ground,
cemented with a scar to show for it.
and as i stare at you, the fury burning in your eyes,
it's now me repeating those same words.

Do you need me, in the lonely hours of the night?
Let my love consume you, and your soul will be at ease.
With the a swift touch, the feeling of your affection, I beg of you, don’t be a tease.
As I lie awake and think of you at night,
I feel fine, everything’s alright.
Your touch makes me feel like the only girl in the world,
I know that’s not true, you’ve got your way around,
putting the other girls’ minds in a whirl.
I get excited when you come to my window at night, to see your eyes gleaming in the moonlight.
But your breath reeks of *** Spice, i’m gasping for air as your hands around my neck grow tight.
  
Your words that hurt me are forgotten as I feel your kiss against my neck.
The sensation you give me, makes me feel like I can fly,
But the days your hands find their way arond my neck, all I want to is die.
I know you love me, I know that you do.
You only forget to love me on the nights you’ve had a few.
The next day you always approach me at school, full of apologies.
I lie and say there’s no excuse for your atrocities.
You know I love you too much to let you go,
This thing I’ve called love has kept me at an all time low.
  
You call me at night, say you need to see me.
You tell me to be quiet, as you force me down and kiss me slowly.
With the smell of Mike’s prominent on your breath,
All I can think about is my time of death.
You never love me when I ask you to, you act like it’s a chore,
But you expect me to respond to your beck and call when you come knocking at my door.
Physicality isn’t another word for love, you only use me when you feel unwanted;
I want you all to myself, but you make me feel disheartened.
The love you give me is not from within, but the alcohol that reeks off of your skin.
As I stand at the top of the bridge, jump, drop my weight, go down full throttle.
You take a smooth sip from your brown rimmed bottle