Why do I do this to myself?
Staying up, never sleeping.
Sleeping, never staying asleep.
I can’t shake off this feeling of silence.
The feeling that keeps me so awake.
I look around and see nothing,
Only the pitch black of the room.
The lights on the A/C.
Something’s missing.
Something that means so much to me.
And.. I’ve been awake for so long.
That I feel like I’ve truely lost it...
Can you help me...?
Can you help me find My imagination...?

it’s 3:06am
the demons
they seem to be running late

i pray arrival is soon
their presence
much more reassuring
than being left alone in my thoughts.

I exist in his lower lip,
and upper teeth.

I exist in the way he used to say my name,
twisted and voluptuous.

I exist in the shade of his black curtains,
the last breathe of his cigarette,
and the slow sip of his drink.

I exist in the backseat of his car,
3 a.m sharp on his wrist watch,
and every knock on my bedroom door.

I exist in the sake of our past,
in every attempt of forgetting him without losing myself,
but I do not exist in his memory.

Take every second
of my skin
Rolling beneath your fingertips

Give every breath
of your shine
To the dark empty places within

Hate every one
in a million
Paper cranes creased by unsteady hands

Love every time
the snow falls
Frozen memories intact with every drop

How strange it is to be lonely, the unending ring of the ears that demands attention,the heavy silence and desperate breathing, the heat behind eyes, the shaking of a leg, the crack in a spoken word, the quiet of the night disturbed, the wet cheeks and wet hair

Being alone doesn’t always mean lonely but in loneliness you are alone

trying to disappear

don't know how.

what i want i can't have, what i want doesn't want me, what i want i don't work hard for and what i can't have, i wish for.

i want a better way to express my contempt for the opposite illusion of this world. being bad will bring bad luck, being good will bring good luck.

only fairy tales and kicks in the back it feels to me.

im tired of waiting up for messages I'll never receive from people I'll never meet.

im sick of being in pain every month and knowing its continous unless i birth another useless me.

'one day it'll get better'

it could be 60 years and it never gets better. the world is ending and nobody cares, i might not be here to see it but id be glad when i depart this world.

i hope its not dark and cold. i hope its warmth and happiness, the feelings i want to feel, i hope they exist when i depart.

i don't want to leave so soon, whenever my heart decides it can no longer carry the pain, i will go.