It's been 10 days now
since I turned 20.

There are 3640 days
till I'm 30.

The truth is I
could die before then.

What an honour to live out
2 lots of 10.

However many days
I have on this ball,

I'm excited to make
the most of them all.

Your eyes
Full of sadness
Mirrors the cruel world
How can it still be so beautiful?

Your hands
Full of scars
Reminder of struggles and pain
How can it still be so soothing?

Isn't it unfair?
How can you be so you?
How do you do it?
How can it be?

Today is his birthday,
But I don't know what to say.

Other than the ordinary "happy birthday" that everyone else is going to say to him.
I can't help but think about last year when I opened my body to him as a gift on a whim.

With fiery eyes and my legs spread apart, mirroring my heart, as he nervously took my gift of unision.
Now that I think about it, it was stupid really, I should have gave him a cake for him to dig in.

But instead he quietly persisted and I let myself succumb.
I didn't think that the next year, I would feel so numb.

I want to give him the gift of my love but it's something lost in the fog in the distance of empty roads.
A garden once blooming, crushed by the cement he paved before I had implode.

It's selfish of me to make this all about myself.
It's just so hard to see all of his things on my art shelf.

I want to tell him I love him and I'm glad he stuck around for another year of his life.
As he whispers that he's so happy he met me and he wants me as his wife.

He's 20 now, but acts like a middleschooler.
Always playing games with the girl in the schoolyard, the hopless romantic middle school loser.

I always let myself fall this deep down.
My knees are so ****** and bruised and the skin of my palms are unbound.

I didn't think that I'd have to walk alone once again.
Afterall, he made the decision to let our love blast into oblivion.

I want to tell him I love and miss him and wish he can say those love-filled words to me once again.
But it isn't my birthday, so he's blowing out the candles, wishing he'll grow into a different man.

A foolish little boy, so careless with the loser's heart.
You don't realize how much you'll miss them until your heart tears apart.

I want to tell him so much more on his special day,
But my heart's voice is sewn together with thread, and all I can muster is a
"Happy Birthday."

happy birthday to me
and everyone else who took their first breathe today
we're the chosen ones

My Prayer for Thee
Oh, Lord Thou art my only Love
dearest, Thou art my True Love Dove
i treasure me in Thy Vector
and feel me blessed in my daily concerns
i know this is only hellish Earth
temporarily and no eternal worth

only Thy Signs and Thy Spoken Words
i have absorbed and am absorbing still
Thy Holy Words and Thy Only Will
naturally, i have learned eversince
i learned to see Thee as my Holy Prince
to listen to Thee as my Holy Father
to hear Thy Words than rather
turn my sight to satan's rites

Thou art The Only One i worship
Thou art The Only One i am praying to
Thou art The Only One, Thou art my All
Thou art this side and the reverse side of my All
Thou art my whole side of my All
Thou stand above my Darling
Thou stand above my Beloved
Thou stand above my Beloved Ones
Thou stand above my Alls

Thou art The Holy Father
The Holy Son
and The Holy Ghost
i am a humble woman
i asked for three special sons
Thou gave me three special sons
i knocked and asked for love, life and food,
Thou opened
and gave me love, life and food
for my family, my Life's destiny
i asked still, Thou gave me constantly

i could not fight
Thou gave me strength, Thou gave me Power
i grow stronger by the hour

Thy words are Divine
i am craving for Thee, Oh Holy Mine
i am all Thine and Thou art Mine

forgive this humble heart of me
for every sin i have done to Thee

i pray to Thee for every soul i met
i thank Thee for Thy mercy i get
from Thy Holy and Forgiving Heart

i nestle in Thy thermal
i warm me in Thy vernal
i warm me in Thy embrace
No my Lord, i would not race

i feel me ablaze, every time i praise Thee
and pray to Thee, my Lord
blessed feel i get for each of Thy Word

My Lord, My eternal Love-Superiour
Thou art my heavenly Father
i am your constant love-warrior
Thou art in Heaven
hallowed be Thy Name
Thy Kingdom come
on earth as it is in Heaven
Amen

PS. Especially posted for dear Tahirih


© SYLVIA FRANCES CHAN
Tuesday 8th July 2014