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30
Some Person Nov 2014
30
Today, on my birthday

My dad texts me
Something loving
About the day I was born
And I think to myself
I never really considered that
As an actual experience of his
Until I was on mushrooms
Watching a movie
A couple weeks ago
I wonder what that was like
He must really love me

I have KFC buffet lunch
With my friend's family
They have more casual
Conversation than mine
More fun, more enjoyable
I don't really know
What to do about that
But it makes me sad
And I like this family
Even though it's not perfect

I say goodbye to my friend
He's my brother
We have the same birthday
Being around his kids was nice
Though it was just a few minutes
They are carefree
Even though there's **** in their lives
He gives me a good hug
Something I've missed
And will miss again
I wish we lived in the same city

I get on a plane
I hope to sit next to the perfect girl
It wouldn't matter anyway
Since I'm too angry and hurt
I'm seated next to a guy
With slightly bad breath
I put on some music
And work on a poem
**** it all
I'm not ready, am I

I wonder who she will be
If she's anyone at all
I'm severely pessimistic
At 30 years old
About finding that connection
About healing to where I'm ready
It's not like I have forever
A late bloomer in life
Except for that marriage thing
That didn't work out

On my birthday
Am I supposed to think
About this kind of stuff?
Everyone would say no
But maybe
There's no better time
Why do birthdays have to be happy anyway?
It might not be the happiest
But I'm making it one to remember
Some Person Feb 2015
It's a game
It can only be a game
Bury myself deep inside
Give off a big smile
Be charismatic in my own way
Care deeply, in reality.
When the time is right,
Drop bread crumbs of truth,
Revealing those
Oh-so-delicious tid bits
About who I really am
Find out this could never work
Return to The Alone
Some Person Dec 2014
2003: I stayed safe, close to home
2004: I lost my first love
2005: I pursued a goal and achieved it
2006: I went along with the pressure
2007: I got married
2008: I tried, but I disappointed
2009: I tried more, but I disappointed
2010: I felt joy for the only time in my life
2011: I worked, but I ran out of steam
2012: I got divorced
2013: I lost my Christian faith
2014: I lost my faith in love
2015: Something good, I hope
Some Person Nov 2014
I dream of you
My high school girl
Only it's now
And somehow,
We are becoming as one
I look over your face
From inches away
I see you have aged
But the same girl underneath
I can reach out and touch you
You are still here
How incredible
How unbelievable
That we are together now
Some Person Nov 2014
Could you please pretend,
For one night,
That you're in love with me?

Cuddle up next to me,
But not like last time;
Like you're here for me,
Not just coincidentally

Turn your gaze toward me
With a look of deep content
And a twist of sweet happiness
And kiss me back this time
When I kiss you on the cheek

Hold my hand
And move your fingers,
Caressing mine,
And making me feel
As adored as you are
Some Person Nov 2014
Recorded off the cuff: https://soundcloud.com/user4081486/after-a-night-out

How can I ****** look at you right now?
All of you
You're all just ******...
You're ****** ******* yourselves out
You're not finding love
You're not finding anything that fulfills
How can I look at you?

All you're getting met is
a physical need
at best
Some of you probably not even that
And here I am
After a night out
I'm meant to look at you?
And get off?

You look into the eyes of these men
as they *******
You think you're getting what you need?
I doubt it
I really doubt it
Am I getting what I need?
I doubt it
I really doubt it

I feel more empty every night
All I'm doing is watching
Here you are
Giving your everything
to these men
And I'm watching
I'm not getting what I want
I'm not getting what I need
How can I imagine that you are?
Some Person Nov 2014
Well,
thank you for sharing
your poetry
with me
It's very...
good
in a way
And I understand
who you are now
You spill it
out
And I see
your heartbreak
all over
these pages
on the web
where no one
else among
your friends
will ever find them
And I respect
how vulnerable
you're willing
to be
But
I have a question
This girl
you write about
Do you still
love her?
And
before you answer
Remember
all the feelings you've
had almost ******
into you
this last year
to the point where
you have to
spill everything
out like this
Because
I don't want
to feel that way
about you
if you're just going to
break my heart too
Some Person Nov 2014
You know how songs
beat by the measure
One measure ends
Another begins
And then it loops around
and starts over again

Is the next measure
the one
where you loop around
to find me
again?
Some Person Dec 2014
Now is the age where younger people are all
"oooh ahhh," you're gettin up there buddy
And later will be the age when they don't even ask
Better enjoy those jokes while you can
Some Person Feb 2015
I think you're really pretty
My toe is poking through my sock
And I hope you had fun tonight
Some Person May 2015
She struck me not
As the one of the few
Her look
So different
Couldn't be mine
Some Person Apr 2015
I see the lightning scatter across the sky,
Electric fingers stretching out,
The perfect display;
Just what I was looking for

And I wonder,
Is there someone in control?
Is it you,
Or me,
Or no one I'd think at all,
Pulling the levers,
Creating this display
with a goal:
To paint feeling
in this heart;
to bring life
to this heart
Some Person Jan 2018
I've walked away from feeling certain feelings for a long time
Allowing myself to emotionally need anyone
There's a good chance I'll be alone when I die
if I continue to let other desires get in the way of truly loving someone
Some Person Nov 2014
I'm sorry for the email
My desperate-sounding contact
I didn't know you're in a relationship now
I didn't know
I wanted to believe my words might not be unwanted
I wanted to believe I was special to you
I always wanted to know that
I wanted to know it meant something to you
That I knew you better than anyone ever has
I wanted to know that you could see who I am
That you could see my heart
And that you loved it
That it's different from other hearts
That it pumps blood full of passion
For what's right
For feeling alive
For connecting with depth unheard of
And for you
I wanted you to love that I was into you
And to do it in your own way
Your own silent way
A casual understanding that this was the good life
That you'd made out by being loved this way
And that life is going to be good
I'm sorry for the email
I know now I'm not wanted
Some Person Nov 2014
He took hold of her hand and turned it over to look at her thumb, where a little sore could be seen from her picking at it nervously. She balled her hand into a fist, hiding the sore inside.

"Don't look at that," she let out squeamishly.

"Why not?"

"Because it's gross, and it's bad right now."

"It's okay. It's not gross."

Something in the way she spoke about it stirred him. Whenever he heard pain, embarrassment, or shame in her voice, he was compelled by a desire to see her healed. He found her vulnerability to be beautiful, even when it revealed what others might consider a flaw.

He used a bit of force to pry her hand open so he could see. She resisted at first, but gave in, knowing she wouldn't win the fight. Two small, partially-scabbed indentations ran parallel across the inside of her thumb. He gently grazed the tip of his own thumb over them. It was a little worse than usual.

"Why is it bad?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"I've kind of been through a lot recently," she said half-jokingly.

"Yeah. You have."

He ran his thumb over the sores again. He took his eyes off them, held her hand in his, and began to caress it.

"Want to know something?" he asked.

"What?"

"You are really beautiful."

"Oh, stop."

"I'm serious. And I don't care about your sores. I mean I care about them, but they don't repel me. They just show me a little bit about you. They remind me of things."

"Like what?"

He continued to glide his fingers up and down the length of her own.

"Like they remind me to be gentle with you. That the things I say and do affect you, and if I say or do certain things, I can hurt you. I don't want to make your sores worse. I don't want to be the one making you anxious."

Instead of getting in a little joke that would make light of what he was saying, she sat silently, just hearing him speak. She watched his hand adjust to where their palms and fingers lined up with each others', as if he wanted to compare their size.

"And they remind me of what's going on with you. Whether it's work, family, friends, whatever. They just bring those things to mind and make me think about you."

He intertwined his fingers with hers and pulled her closer on the couch, still caressing her hand. She began to do the same in return.

As she considered what he'd said, all her problems came to mind. Just like he mentioned: work, a broken family, painful relationships, and things in the past she didn't like to think about, though she had more or less come to terms with them. Why would someone like him want to deal with all that? She wondered why he loved her.

"I think you love my problems," she said half in jest, though she really was trying to understand what was behind his feelings.

He pondered the comment. He was accustomed to a woman who rarely admitted fault. The problem with this wasn't so much that she wouldn't admit her faults, though. The problem was the attitude of superiority, of entitlement, of believing in her own relative perfection and demanding perfection in return.

The woman whose hand he held, though, had an aura of graceful humility about her. What a breath of fresh air. Now he was with someone he was eager to offer himself to, who could accept him in his flawed state, and who could accept the good in him as a gift to her, though she questioned whether she deserved it.

"I don't love your problems. It's not about them. It's your response to them. It's how kind and caring of a person you are in spite of the things you've been through. It doesn't hurt that we've been able to connect through some similar experiences, but in the end, that's not it. It's your heart that I love."

She took it in. They had become friends quicker than anyone she could remember. Somehow, things had just clicked for them, and they got to know the deepest parts of one another over the course of a few months. The progression from friends to more-than-friends came naturally.

She was still getting used to the way he treated her, but she knew it was sweet. As she reflected, she began to wonder if there really was something as wonderful about her heart as he seemed to believe.

He gave her a squeeze with his arm around her back. She turned toward him and rested her head just below his shoulder on his chest. He kissed her on the forehead, then on the cheek, and then on the lips.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. I'm good."
Hopefully it's okay to post short stories, first time I've posted one on here.
Some Person Nov 2014
My hands are strong but gentle
My voice is tender
I will not use it against you

You laugh when I kid
You smile when I tickle you
You say it can't be done

You're calm when I'm near
You're safe in my arms
I hold you all night

I give you my passion
You ask for more
I give you my all

I listen to your heart
I respond in kind
Sweetness from the deepest place

But you turned away for another
Some Person May 2015
I wonder what you'll be like
When we meet next week
You're fun enough to chat with
You're certainly kind and caring
That took no time to see
You look soft and sweet
And your answer to one question
Tells me you have another side
I think we might have fun
If your voice is as gentle as your words
And my worries ease around you
But it's only a first date
And a filled weekend, first, to wait
Some Person Mar 2015
As I kissed her,
I thought of you
With my hand around her neck,
I thought of you
She looked at me and smiled
She was really into me
I gave a smile back,
But I was into you
One night stands won't bring her back
Some Person Dec 2014
I'm not putting myself out there anymore
I spent enough energy
on relationships that were setup to fail
No more love-seeking
No more latching on
to whatever pretty girl comes my way
No more being a hero
I'm not a perfect man,
so I can't be your perfect man
I've spent enough time
trying to be one
for the women I've been with
I have to admit it's lonely,
but it's time to stop trying to fill
the unfillable hole
Some Person Jan 2015
They've taken your scene
Chopped it up into pieces
And spliced them together
Rolling your head to the side
Biting your lip
A scowl
A smile
Blowing a kiss
Revealing a bit
Nostalgic music sets the tone
It's fun, but it's gone
As though you were mine
And these are the memories that remain
Of what was my best time
Some Person Dec 2014
A friend reminds me
I'm not to talk about it
Not with her

And I remember
I'm not to think about it
Not at all
Some Person Nov 2014
I dream of you
My recent love
I visit where you live
You let me in
You're with someone else
We catch up
Have a little fun
It's time to leave
You say call ahead next time
Who knows what could be going on
I yell something
I sprint home
But I can't feel my legs
I wonder if they'll collapse
I done care, I just run
I arrive
My heavy breath carries through
To my reality
Some Person Dec 2014
If I wear the right shirt
Is that how you'll fall in love with me?
If I groove the way you like
If I nod my head just right
If I wear the right shirt
Is that how you'll fall in love with me?
Some Person Apr 2015
Kicking it with my brothers
We partied all night long
Danced
Drank
Just did whatever we wanted
And we're listening to this mix
At home
Nodding our heads
And this is the best dancing
Of the night
Some Person Feb 2018
I stare at her picture
On a backlit screen
I look for something there
Something so deep it could quench
But I don't know **** about her
And, thankfully,
She doesn't know **** about me
Some Person Dec 2014
It's not that feeling sad
isn't worse than feeling happy
It is worse
It's that there's nothing
wrong with you
for feeling sad

So don't be ashamed
Don't hide it inside
Where it'll only fester
Bring it out into the light
And we'll kiss it away
Some Person Feb 2015
Yes,
I'm older
Yes,
I stay up later than you in spite
Yes,
I have a nightmare all day in my mind

But put your hand here,
find the center of my chest,
and ease a bit to my left

Can you feel it?
Some Person Nov 2014
Beautiful girl,
You strike fear at my core

You alone can get close to me,
And only slowly,
One secret at a time

As I release them to you,
One by one,
I fear you'll turn away and run

The more you hear,
The more you may hurt me
But still I will try,

For the thought of your beauty
Wrapped around me entirely
Is greater than the sum of my fear
Bed
Some Person Nov 2014
Bed
I could stay up like I always do
Browse the web
Read or write a poem or two
Continue with the cycle:
Long for meaning,
Get eaten by pain,
Fail to sleep,
Barely get through work,
Repeat
But tonight, instead,
I'll just go to bed
Some Person Jun 2015
Dead tired before midnight,
Feeling like an old man
I hold onto this screen
To keep myself awake and sane
It's something of a safety blanket,
Don't you think?

Blues echo around inside
I'm inadequate to handle
The weight of tomorrow
If I fall asleep,
It'll be here now
If I lay awake,
I can delay it an hour
Some Person Nov 2014
Recorded as spoken word: https://soundcloud.com/user4081486/behind-me

how would you feel

if you sat behind me

as I sit at my desk

as I read poetry

as I write poetry

as I consider what's going on in my heart

as I think about how much I miss yours

could you fall in love with me again?
Music: Zen Baboon - Cabeca Alta
Some Person Nov 2014
When I ignore questions,
It's no accident
I read into every line,
Every word,
Every bit of punctuation
And I respond in kind
Read into me
Like I read into you
You might fall in love
Or you might find my pain
In my silence
My delay
A forced smile;
Watch my eyes
When you get up to leave
I'm anything but cool
But I play it that way
And if you miss it
You've just missed me
Some Person Nov 2014
You make me so sad
Have fun in your new state
The one that's the opposite
Of where you wanted to live
Thanks for inspiring my heart to hate
It feels worse than I'd imagined
But it's all I have now sometimes
I just can't believe you
Some Person Mar 2015
You wear concealer,
mascara, blush;
My makeup is
transparent
I'm not comfortable
around any of you;
I'm tightly wound
around the fingers
of the females
who left me
behind
Some Person Nov 2014
Thanks for breaking up with me
Now I finally understand
Why you smoke **** every day
Some Person Jan 2015
Sorry I
clicked the X
instead of the heart,
but I can tell
from just the
top half
of your forehead
that it wouldn't
work out
Some Person Nov 2014
While fools burn my city down,
Even though you ****** me over,
Lied to me several times,
And are now with someone else,
All I want to do is tell you
I hope you stay safe tonight
Some Person Nov 2014
I would wait forever
While you're off on this journey of yours
How many men will you go through
How many hearts will you break
Will you remember my love for you
And will you be home before dark?
Some Person Feb 2015
somehow,
when
you put
your thumb
on my
pressure points,
I feel alive
Some Person Feb 2015
that you women on here
are beautiful
without being a creep?

Yeah, yeah I can...



You

are

beautiful
Some Person Jan 2017
There are nights I do things I can do
There are nights I do things I can't
Tonight I did something I can't
Some Person Jan 2015
What if our thoughts are completely out of our control, and we only think what's next in line based on the natural progression in our chemistry and the electrical impulses firing in our brain?

Could anyone be called a sinner?
Could you judge men's souls then?
Some Person Jan 2015
Imagining you playing with a baby
is the cutest thing
When you asked me why,
I should have said
because I just love you
Some Person Jan 2015
Christianity gave me a ferocious mind for calling ******* on the cliche wisdom of the world

The world gave me an unrelenting skepticism toward any kind of religious faith

Between these two gifts, everything's been taken away
Some Person Jan 2015
Tell me a cliche
Please
Tell me good things come
to those who wait
I'll tell you my story
Tell me everything happens
for a reason
I'll punch you in the face
Do explain.

Tell me there's a soul mate
out there waiting for me
I'll show you ten thousand
who never found even a friend
Why am I any different?
What makes you think I'm special?
Because you know my name?
Some Person Apr 2018
The longing for things that will never be
The knowledge that we'll be taken before we're done
Disappointment in ourselves
Resignation to sadness
Belief in pointlessness
The lack of energy to be angry at things that are wrong
Inability and/or unwillingness to change

Writing down depressing things and never turning them into a cohesive piece

Self-fulfilling prophecy
Some Person Feb 2015
What do you think
when you drive by
and look into those
glass buildings
Young kids, classy,
must be doing
something important
Smart college kids
Learning
They may have a better brain
for absorbing mostly
useless information,
but when it comes to
living a life,
they're just as ******* dumb
as anyone
Let me tell you something
This lesson's free
It doesn't matter if
they come home
carrying bags of money
They'll never be any more content
than you can be
Some Person Nov 2014
Written as spoken word: https://soundcloud.com/user4081486/colorado

So I hear you want to move out of town
Colorado the destination
Though you always, always had California on your mind
And CO is the exact opposite of CA
Except for ****
And except for your boyfriend

And I hear you could keep your job and work from home out of state
That would be great
So you could stay inside all winter, out of the cold
And you'd never meet a new soul
But you'd have your ****
And you'd have your boyfriend

But sadly, you'll rot away inside as you come to realize you hate this place
And though your new love is perfect at first, he becomes irate
And even though you're the sweetest thing in his life if he'd only open his eyes,
He doesn't seem to see it so clearly anymore

And the longer you stay, the further you grow away
Because you already gave him your all by moving away
And it cost him nothing.

Just like with your last boyfriend, being with you
Cost him nothing.

And now, again, when it starts to cost him anything at all,
You'll find he's not so much fun anymore.

And the truth is I know nothing about your relationship
The truth is all I'm basing this on a hunch, and some things I remember from the time we spent together
And the truth is this has nothing to do with where you go or who you know
The truth is it's just another self-centered poem about me being hurt

But I still think you're making a huge mistake
And I'm sorry
Because it's really gonna hurt when you uproot your whole life
Only to find he would never lift a finger for you
I'm sorry
Some Person Jan 2017
You can't erase me from your past
So I wonder
What colors will you choose
to paint the me that was
Some Person Feb 2015
I want you
to make
eye contact
with me,
to move
toward me,
to reach
down
with your hand
and take
mine,
roll your
head
to the side,
give me
your best
kiss me look
where you
bite your
bottom lip,
and when I
come in close
and we're
about to lock lips,

I stop

and tell you to *******
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