She’s the butter, I’m the toast,
She’s hot, she melts, she gets real close,
She sits on my lap and I grab her ****,
I squeeze and pull closer, my little ****,
She’s feeling my **** through my pants,
Not the ideal circumstance,
But we’re in public so it’s better this way,
Later in privacy, I’ll make her day,
She pulls closer till’ there’s no length between,
Her soft soaking ***** and my rock-hard peen,
Every ******, there’s a moan, every moan, there’s a kiss,
Through skin and through bone, all I feel is bliss,
I feel this way because I’m so close to my baby,
My good good girl, my little lady,
I am all hers and she is all mine,
Whatever the setting, she is looking fine,
Whether 3 AM or 10 at night,
Her **** luminescence won’t stop shining bright,
She’s so **** cute that sometimes it scares me,
I’m afraid that there will be a guy that stops and just glares deep,
Into her cleavage or at her nice round ***,
But she assured me she’s mine, so I know she will pass,
Up any other guy that might want a taste,
Of her savory sopping, perfect ***** paste,
I will feed her and **** her,
And love her and tuck her,
Into bed at night with a goodnight kiss,
As I leave the room, I tell her I miss,
Her already and then she will pout,
So I come back inside and let a load out,
Well, a load, or two, or three, or seven,
Cause I want to make my presence feel like heaven,
Cause when I’m with her, it’s heavenly all right,
A ******, a scratch, a kiss, a bite,
After we both can’t take anymore,
I fall asleep atop my little *****,
We both start to dream as we hold each other close,
Close enough to be one... one buttered toast.

She texted me...
Told me she was scared,
Said that the world was against her,
And life was unfair,
I asked why...
And if she was okay,
She said, "No,
I've been wearing a fake smile all day,,
Today was supposed to be my day,
But my parents started arguing,
Mainly about forgetting certain gifts,
At the Bargain Bin."
It was all down hill from there,
But I let her finish,
She told me her troubles and I said,
"I'll be there in a minute",
It took me an hour,
To drive to her house,
It took a while to get there,
Although I took the fastest route,
When I pulled in,
I was afraid I was too late,
For she had a history,
Of negative mental states,
But I walked into her house,
And then walked into her room,
And acted as the man,
That could see her darkness loom,
I picked her up of her bed,
And then gave her a hug,
Then put her back down,
And tucked her in snug,
I sat at the edge of her bed,
And listened with a smile,
As she talked and talked and talked,
For a very long while,
As the night went on,
A certain tension rose,
She asked for one last hug,
But then she held me close,
For longer than intended,
She didn't let me leave,
So I had laid by her side,
And we both fell asleep.

Maybe I’ll feel better in an hour,
Maybe I’ll feel better if I shower,
Maybe I’d feel better if I had super powers,
Like making humanity stumble and cower,
Knocking a flower out of a little girls hands,
Falling to her knees and making her bow her,
Head to me as she begs and she pleads,
I think I could be the next Jack Bower,
If he was twisted and mean,
And decided to tower,
Above everyone and everything,
With his relentless unstoppable power.

Maybe my ego will cheer me up,
Maybe my ego has had enough,
I’m just me,
Dust in the wind,
Plus my personality,
And the sin.

I messed up the other day,
I was out on my way,
To Get some sodas for a party,
Passing up Honda's and Harley's,
On my 44-Inch long-board,
Going and coming back with no reward,
Cause I was going 30 down the street,
The road was slick, I slipped and tried to land on my feet,
But I was going too fast,
I must've missed the forecast,
And it was pitch black,
So, who knew it was wet,
Flipped a couple times, messed up my back,
And whiplash to my neck,
Had to walk five minutes back home,
Tried to wave down cars but I continued to roam,
Cause nobody's tryna' pick up a ****** man,
On the side of the street that can barely stand,
Eventually got home to the poker party,
Parents looked at me and yelled, "Good God Almighty",
Go clean yourself up, you might need stitches,
Where's your long-board, I said it's back in one of the ditches,
Hopped in the shower to clean out the dirt,
But the pressure on the wounds really hurt,
The adrenaline rush dulled the pain,
But it was ending, blood dripping down the drain,
I brought up this story three days later,
Not to show you that I'm a bad skater,
But to show that the hole in my heart, that massive crater,
Hurts more than all my physical pain, yeah, it's a lot greater,
Never felt pain like a broken heart,
It is literally off the charts,
They asked me for my pain level,1-10,
It hurts like the devil, I said eleven,
Thousand four hundred sixty-eight,
Below sixty-nine, let's get one thing straight,
It was only a kiss and an exchanging of words,
For two and a half months but now that's for the birds,
Apparently, because emotions mean nothing,
When you're a ***, but to me they mean something,
Now I think I got my point across,
Now I'll go back to enduring my albatross,
Now I'll hold my pillow tighter in the night,
Cause I left a killer, a beautiful white,
Girl that left me to die,
You think you're so ******* sly,
Going around with different guys,
Making all of them cry,
Buying into all of your lies,
Now my anger is getting to me,
I should leave, I should say goodbye,
I can't perceive even though I have good eyes,
That's the last time I'm deceived,
By a girl that has disguised,
Herself to look like an angel,
I'm not mad though,
I just want to strangle,
Anyone that wants you,
I'll stop now, I'm so confused,
I've been bruised, misused, then refused,
A relationship, man this is abuse,
You're the only one that's amused,
I can't stop the rhyming yo,
This must be diffused,
Now my motto is bros before hoes,
It's time to elude...

It's apparent a parent would glare at their transparent impairments. A viral mimicry, a parrot, coughing into their coffin, barfing leads to causing unstopping hand washing. Watching the currently conceived serene scene to see if they been seen. Stop it.

I have never known how to make a happy poem,
I wear my sad cap over my depression dome,
So all I blurt out is sad crap all day,
But now I am trying to change my ways,
Talking about sunshine, rainbows, and cats,
Unicorns dancing with big funny hats,
Canines, children, religion, and some good music,
Dolphins orchestrating fish that are acoustic,
Dr. Seuss knew how to do this poem right,
He brought forth the day and banished the night,
So I'll stop talking about dark ravens of fear,
My brain is powered by depression gears,
So I stop using my head and use my heart instead,
I will continue poems until this body is dead,
In everything I do, the best I strive to be,
I'll be this way for the rest of my life, you'll see.

Sometimes I feel like I'm completely passed it all,
Sometimes I stare out the window and watch rain fall,
Sometimes I listen to John Denver and sometimes Lil Peep,
Sometimes the pain is so awful I can not fall sleep,
Sometimes I talk about the very first time I fell in love,
Sometimes I talk about emotions and how they're disposed of,
Sometimes I realize that I am still falling,
Not asleep, but into silent dread, appalling,
Sometimes this silent dread is love and sometimes it's the future,
Sometimes I love life, but usually wish death would come sooner.

Can’t fall asleep when she’s not in my bed, let alone out of town.
Memories of us stuck in my head, so I sit and drown.
Drown the thoughts of us out of my brain, until I have no thoughts.
I think that I am slowly going insane, I guess I was caught.
I was caught in her tight love grasp, squeezing ever tighter.
I choose to stay put in her palm and gasp, cause I’m not a fighter.
I fight for what I love and that is all, therefore I’m a lover.
She’s my little girl, yeah, she ain’t tall,
Yet there’s nothing I place above her.
We’ve never been apart this long, the aching feels much worse.
Being far apart feels so wrong, like a one week, two day curse.
Nine days without my baby,
I wonder if she misses me,
For now that’s just a maybe,
She proves it when she kisses me.
She proves it when she hugs me close,
Squeezing me oh so tight,
When she whispers, “I love you”, in my ear,
I love you, baby <3 Goodnight <3

If you think that since I've confessed my love that I'm not in pain and that I'm on the brink of more or less going insane, you would be fifty percent correct, cause my brain was infected like a virus encrypting the mainframe. Pitched a tent to stop the rain from ******* with my game of life. Costs a cent to view the pain of friends using knifes on their strife ridden bodies at night. Pain is plain, easy, and cheap, memories for keep, no change, just rearranged mental states. Same intentions kept on the front page, new inventions used to hide their age so it looks like nothing changed.

Stuck in the future,
When I should be here,
Trying to nurture,
Never ending fear,
My parents,
My job,
All of my goals,
My merits,
I'm robbed,
Then pay the toll,
I wanna play piano or create my own twitch crew,
When it comes to my life I have no idea what to do,
I want to press some buttons, play chords, and maybe strum strings,
A musician, a speedrunner, and many other things,
It takes five whole minutes for these words to come to me,
I want rhythm and rhyme to come more naturally.

Absolutely no hostility,
Perceived when she speaks,
Lovely letters spill down,
Into little sentence creeks,
The arch in her gaping smile,
Produces dimples in her cheeks,
Whenever anguish arrives,
Her elation is what I seek,
Her brightly glowing soul,
Reflects the shining sky,
Leaving depression tears,
Destroyed and vaporized,
So whenever I appear sad,
Know I'm just a guy,
That is crying ecstasy...
The result of her soft eyes.

When I am home, what do I do?
I wait till' I can come to you,
I set down my things and stare at a wall,
Until you text or call, I sit and stall,
I have dropped my friends, the groups, and the crews,
Cause living isn't living without you,
Life on pause when I'm not in your presence,
I am the body, you are the essence,
You fill me with life, you show me you care,
Just one hug is the ultimate repair,
It will completely remove all despair,
It will sew up all the cracks and the tears,
That have tortured my heart, my soul, my mind,
I love the way you work, you're just the kind,
Of beautiful girl I need in my life,
Giving me hope for the future, no strife,
To bite at my feebality and fear,
Fleets whenever you decide to come near,
Near enough to feel the softest of skin,
Near enough to light the fire that's within,
The fire shakes like a 12.0 earthquake,
Making the Richter Scale shatter and break,
Oh wait, that's just the beating of my heart,
I feel yours too, but then you pull apart,
You leave me as a shell, dust in the wind,
Yet again without essence, just some skin,
A sad sack of lifeless flesh that can't breathe without you,
No one compares, what the **** am I supposed to do,
I have figured it out, I think I should mention,
You left cause I can't give the proper attention,
It's just a guess, but a good one at that,
Now I'll go back to the place I once sat,
And sit there for however long it takes,
For the pain to stop, till' no more heartbreak,
I have one more thing to say,
It's the truest thing,
The truest true,
Every moment of every day,
Every second, every blink,
I won't stop loving you.

I hug them close, day after day,
And they hate when I start to pull away,
And they pull back tighter and tell me to stay,
And I'm at a loss for words, not knowing what to say,
All of her emotions are on display,
Which makes her glow like a ray,
Of sunshine in early May,
Outshining my soul enshrouded in gray,
Warming me, making me melt like clay,
Deeper into her arms, I pleasantly decay,
Making me feel lighter than a feathers weight,
Making the universe let me know it's all okay.

Sitting here alone,
Feeling the pain of heartbreak,
As I write some poems.

I would despise to summarize your summer eyes,
The perceptive, deceptive, gate way to your lies,
This time I rhyme about hot fumes that are in bloom,
I've been blocked, the room is locked, hotboxed and I cry.
Days and days, depressive ways, unconsciousness grew,
Star gazing, rage is blazing and I wish I knew,
How to get up far away from suicide cars...
I meant I'm sitting on cement and then there's you.
Make amends with old guy friends, that former sugar daddy,
Reconcile for a while with people that made you happy,
Whether that be Heather, Kobe, Joe or even Maddy.
Slowly bracing myself to leave your sweet embrace,
If I put on a mask and asked for a kiss, would you give me one last taste?
A disappointed disgrace, memories replaced,
With every waking moment you were baking... what a waste.
A waste of time and a waste of rhymes,
A waste of trying to change you into something you will never be,
A complete waste of my energy.

Now I guess that I am singing,
Because I have some *** to lend,
I wake up to my phone ringing,
My baby’s on the other end,
I’m tired, I’m *****, I just want to die,
Then I hear her voice and I realize,
That I need to get up so I can see her face,
I’ll kiss her and hug her and put her in her place,
I get to school, I see her, she’s wearing a dress,
My hands are all over her, I’m a ***** mess,
Her *** is pronounced, it’s a curvy masterpiece,
A slap and a bounce and a tickle and a tease,
I don’t think that this happiness will stop,
I had thought that then, but boy was I wrong,
Through every period I had missed her,
From class to class, each time, I would kiss her,
I go out of my way to be with her,
During passing period, what’s to learn?
I want to pound her sopping wet *****,
Till’ she is moaning and I feel pity,
Because sometimes daddy can be a little rough,
So I will stop all that ******* ****** stuff,
Then she will probably whimper and pout,
I’ll stuff it back in and let a load out,
That is what I want, but not what I get,
Cause out in public, she would never let,
Me stick my fingers in her tight *****,
All that would do would cause anxiety,
She’s leading me on, and says, “Daddy, please!”,
Now why the **** would she do this to me,
When we cannot **** for who knows how long,
I think about this while she’s picking flowers from the lawn,
I hate these mixed signals that are directed at me,
We don’t go to the forest and **** around the trees,
Instead she complains about the sun and the steps,
Even though she lead the way, so I’m just like “Yep,
I completely agree with you, this really *****,
If only we stayed back in the woods and just ******”,
I guess it was my fault for getting excited,
I really wanted to hold her **** and let her ride it,
At least I could spend time with my baby,
Maybe this next time, I can say, “Matey,
Treat me like a pirate and give me that *****”,
Ramming deep from behind, I love my lil’ cutie,
I was a little disappointed, but I got over it,
I have to be strong and then show her it,
Isn’t all about the majestic ***,
But it’s been too long and I want her neck,
To be covered in marks from rough kisses,
I am the sir and she’s the lil’ misses,
I hope this weekend, she can spend the night,
Then we can **** and **** without a fright,
No fear of being caught so it’s just relaxing,
Just my baby and I, continuously taxing,
Our bodies for pleasure, whether to please or be pleased,
As you can prolly tell, I can’t wait for her to ease,
Slowly down on my **** as she lets out a moan,
This is how I’m feeling in this ***** zone,
Not the twilight zone, not that sort of plot,
The type of plot that I got when I hit the ******,
I say I want to spend the day hanging away,
When what I really want is to be close to my baby,
When I have all her attention and she has mine,
When it’s not this way, then I fear I’m borderline,
Insane if I’m not insane already,
This weight that I carry is pretty ******* heavy,
I’ve been through **** that really ******* *****,
At my lowest of my low, it was just my luck,
That my baby had wriggled her way straight into my life,
She brought with her so much joy and took away all the strife,
I write these poems when I’m feeling strong emotions,
And I have the incentive to question all my notions,
And my morals and my current progress,
And how long I have to wait before I can undress,
My ****-*** girl, it’s been way to long,
Ten whole days since I’ve seen her in that thong,
Now I’m off topic and I think that I should stop,
Creating my **** desires through mental props,
And written poetry,
Whether at land or at sea,
Or in the sky or in space,
Poetry and missing you, I want to kiss your face,
Sloppy wet kisses and now I’m sad,
I want my baby and I think I’m a bad,
Boyfriend, but I try my hardest,
Whether I’m soft, hard, smart, or *******,
I’ll joke and she’ll laugh, I’ll laugh and she’ll smile,
Just for that to happen, I’d walk a thousand miles,
I should end this now, but I’m not sure how,
An hour and forty minutes of writing, then a bow?
I guess that’s just how it’s going to be,
Until I’m with her and we’re happily,
Connected enjoying each others company,
Forever and always and to many many many,
More poems filled with feelings... for you baby,
                    Some lovely poetry.

I don't wanna get personal and hurt anyones feelings,
So I spit disses at myself, while I'm kneeling here revealing,
My ego towards the audience,
Take shots if you must,
Aim straight towards the body and,
Unveil my disgust,
Get personal and deep,
Like I'm a ******* creep,
That masturbates to pictures,
Of my sister while she sleeps,
I've got **** covered shoulders,
Acne on my back,
Incisors, canines, molars,
Covered all in plaque,
Had a *****, bu I told her,
To go make a stack,
Now in bed, I feel colder,
Cause she's never coming back,
She's out in town, feeling older,
Showing of her rack,
Gang banged by some soldiers,
That ****, then call her fat...
I had it all,
A nice ***** to satisfy every fetish,
Until I showed my insecurities,
And showed that I was jealous,
Then she held the power,
And broke us apart,
And I shattered to pieces,
And deserted my heart,
Now I take up the art,
Of writing poetry,
But that won't fill my cart,
With essential groceries,
And I'm unmotivated,
And way too lazy,
Anxiety dominated,
And ******* crazy,
Probably going legit insane,
With these "facts" my father put up in my brain,
Knowing you're thinking of a ******* shoe brand,
Whenever someone says my name,
Probably getting pretty annoyed,
When I just bought this ***** a "toy",
And she turns to me, acting all coy,
Asking if I know any cute boys,
I'll never amount to anything,
Mentally or physically,
Because I won't put in the effort,
And I'll just watch time killing me,
Waiting for the final year,
The final day, the final hour,
Or maybe offing myself,
With this depression looming over me like a tower.
I'm done.

Why am I still unable to connect the dots,
Why do I have depressing thoughts,
Why must the ego cause the mind to go ablur,
Why do I always genuinely care for her,
Why won't I ever get drunk or ever get high,
Why, when I know it won't work, I continue to try,
Why do I lie in my poems about stupid ****,
Why won't I get a **** job or get a permit,
Why do I deal with a dumb step-dad and brother,
Why can I drop some things but then cling to others,
Why can't I find happiness in any passing day,
Why can't people say what they mean and mean what they say.

I believe in the power of determination,
To overcome anything with little frustration,
Then the amazing feeling of succession brings elation,
Continuing confidence with progressive confirmation,
Although the glory might seem hard to perceive,
Whatever it is, it's easy to achieve,
With the right mentality,
This I believe.

My brain is falling down the ladder,
Feeling rain,
Into the hands of the kidnapper,
His name is Cain,
He's tired of this slacker,
That's yet to remain,
He's the attacker,
I hope that I'm able to figure it out,
Like a staple in my brain without a doubt,
Although its painful,
I must be stable throughout,
This life with no label,
One strike and I'm out.

She is just so ******* confusing. I guess I just have to keep living life on normally and see what happens. I will be me. I will figure out how to play this chaotic game of life. I will carry this burden until I find someone else. Then I will carry their burden too because that’s the type of person that I am. When I love someone, I want them to be happy and I will do whatever it is in my power to make them happy. If the one I love doesn’t want to be with me and wants to be with that other guy (who I hear is a terrible person), then so be it. If she is happy, then everything is fine. That is the only thing that matters. I just hope that this rotten man won't be her downfall. I want her to know that if she is struck down by this man, I will always be here to support her in whatever way. I love you…

Sometimes I stop and think.
Right now, I’m thinking.
I think I’m going insane.

How did I get here?
Where am I now,
If I am soon to arrive at insanity?

I’ve been knocked off track.
I’ve stepped out of line.
Without you, Mia...
                                                 ...I’m aimless.

I’m in a constant state of worry.
I’m in a constant state of panic.
I’m in a constant state of insanity.

I’ve been separated from my other half.
That’s half of my soul that up and left.
Soon to be back, but for now... insanity...

She is a magnet and so am I.
Some parts of me attract her.
Some parts of me don’t.
She will force the metal together,
Whether it pulls or pushes away.
She will forever despise Heather...
                I will always love Aim.

Now I can finally sleep off the pain that’s been festering all day,
Some bullies push me, call me ugly-*** ***, *****, and gay,
Why is that even an insult, I thought we were past this,
I thought we were moving forward, but society’s disastrous,
Now I can see that we’re not moving forward,
And not moving backwards, just stuck in stasis,
And we all get bored, with the same ol’ basis,
Repetitive responses and actions so please, I ask, may this,
All just end while I’m lying in her arms,
And while I’m dying there, please promise me no harm,
Will ever come to the love of my life,
Cause my baby girl doesn’t deserve the pain of strife,
Doesn’t deserve the cutting knife on smooth skin,
Lose, lose, no win, win,
Abuse, abuse, just sin, sin,
Pain, please leave us on this boring static day,
May the soothing touch of pleasurable chaos soon come our way.

I did it. I made it! I got this far. The end of school, the beginning of a car, a job, a house, a family. My mom’s asking how did he graduate, but not proudly. She thought I wouldn’t, I couldn’t. I can’t understand what she saw in me, man. What gave her false hopes and negative dreams. What made her pull out her hair and tear at the seams. Through the binder reams, all homework was finished. All F’s diminished. My fears were the thinnest. I knew I would pass, but couldn’t prove it to her. She bought me a tutor to help with my future, but my obvious demise was coming all the sooner. No matter what, she saw me as a loser and kicked me out of the house so ******* abrupt. Just packed my bags and through out my stuff while I was away at some friends party. I could’ve argued with her, but honesty, I hardly cared for my own safety at this point. I was still rolling joints. Still hurting myself. Called up my friends and went with the twelfth plan on my list if I ever got kicked out by an unfair mighty fist. This plan was to sleep on a bench at a school. It was thirty degrees below my sense of cool and right now I just wanted to cry, and hug my baby and tell her goodbye. I wanted to leave this god awful world. What did I do wrong? Do I deserve my girl? As these thoughts were running through my head, my dad called me up and said, “Thank God you aren’t dead.” You can live with me, cause your mom is a ***** who only adores the cores of “scores” and obviously ignores yours. I ended up sleeping on the bench and four days later I’m still sleeping in my stench. No friends could house me and my dad didn’t care. My phone was dead and just my baby was aware of the horrible situation my mom put me in, so she told me to come over, I knocked, said, “Let me in.” She opened her window and had me sneak in, I finally had shelter so of course I started sleepin’. I was caught a few hours later by her dad, who wasn’t mad, but actually glad she had taken in a stray. It almost seemed like I made her dads day. Her dad was gay and looked the other way. The only parent in the house didn’t care that I was there and he went to work later. He does special effects. Me and my baby stayed home all day and had ***. I always gotta switch it up at some point in my poems. Probably because my mind wanders and roams. I might get *****, cause I’m a super freak. Now I’m done with this one. Gotta go take a leak.

So... I fell in the love the other day. I'm straight, but apparently this ****'s gay, cause if your in a relationship and choose to stay, you might just be happy in every possible way. At least now I am, so I'll continue to raise us above **** holding us back despite how much we weigh. This isn't depression, cause my emotions are turning from black to grey, so there's a new color value in my soul. I mean, now I have one and sure my love was taken. Some ***** stole it. Like, love isn't a bridge connecting you where you have to pay the toll, but a bridge connecting two people making two halves a whole and this is all for free in a way, except for death which is a given with life. When you or they take your last breath, sure there'll be strife, but at least your happy now so embrace the present. Cause this current time in space is truly a present. Just be careful on how its spent, cause you could really **** it up for all of us. I mean, at this point in time I have little trust, but I guess I will trust you. But if you're the one kicking up the dust I bite, then I guess you have the ***** to ignite my fuse. I've sent multiple cues in all directions showing that this is a bad idea. I mean, I might blow up leaving you all ****** and bruised. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I mean, there's really no point to why I'm writing any of this right now. The point is usually to convey some sort of emotion, but I dont care so I'll take my final bow and leave the set even though I have an encore and they keep telling me I'm not done with this yet. By this they probably mean all the writing I do in my in free time. Figuring out new ways to write and maybe even some new ways to rhyme. Like this is kind of a new way to write, where I really just don't give a flying ****. I could probably go on forever just rambling amuck, so I think I will finally allow myself to take a small break and stop for now...

I'm in love. It's that simple. I'm in love. I feel like I can rise above everything in my constant state of happiness, but then she leaves me and I'm sad in my other state of sappiness. I text her things while she's gone, trying to express how much I care. How I long for her body in my arms and her soft flowing hair in my fingers and how the scent still lingers from last nights *** caused by lovely teasing triggers and her asking, "What happens next?". I've been drawn in too deep and I don't want to leave, cause this love is not cheap and it's pretty easy to thieve. But I'm pretty sure this love is true and we both feel the same, cause I'm still feeling blue and I'm still feeling pain. I do understand love doesn't take this away. We'll still hurt in our anguish, we'll still writhe and we'll ache. We still have to take part in the chaotic piece of the play. So sing during your skit and everything will be okay. Play your part in life and don't forget your lines. You must endure the strife until your end of times. Until the credits roll and your names in shining lights. Read the script, understand your role, please be wise. Love is suffering when there's any length between, the two lovers loving from their heart loving machines. Like magnets must be in pain when they're that far apart, but still close enough to gravitate towards their red and silver hearts. We are magnets and that pull is our love, and this love isn't stagnant cause its flowing out my gloves when you hold my hands in the cold winter weather, showing me the love that I couldn't get from Heather. I'm sorry I just went there, but it was a rhyming opportunity, back then I couldn't think of anything except her and I in unity. That one way love that wasn't going anywhere, where she would only take and I would only share. But now I am happy most of the time, when I'm not with you then I'll continue with my rhymes. The two things that end up making me happy every single day, writing poetry when shes not here, and when she is, my girlfriend Aim.

Love,
Oh, It's a funny thing,
That makes my stomach ache,
And makes my heart sing,
And makes me feel like a peasant,
And sometimes a king,
It can be pleasant,
And it can sting,
It's a present,
It's a blessing,
But when I'm not present with the present,
Then i feel i tripped a string,
Like leaving heaven which has no pleasance,
Like messing with a wedding ring.

******* falling bricks,
Knock me to the track,
So I get the mud-view.
There is so much ****,
Pulling, holding me back,
From telling you, "I love you."
Bricks made of ego,
And track made of mud,
So the path I take,
Doesn't reduce the thud,
Of trauma to the head,
And boil to the blood,
So I wish for death,
Until the final fiery flood.

I sit and think,
And sink in pits,
Of **** and stink,
While they throw fits,
Yet I'm content,
From day to day,
And whatever is meant,
For me today,
Will come out,
Of my hushed mouth,
The word will be spread,
From North to South,
So if you decide,
To join in this pit,
Then open wide,
And taste the ****.

As I sit and think,
I reach the brink,
Of mental exhaustion,
Not heeding to caution,
All the pain in my head,
I'm reaching the limit,
Of life and death,
And the reality gimmick,
Everything is perfectly placed,
Yet nothing has meaning,
I feel disgraced,
Yet I have no feeling,
When my thoughts grow larger,
The nerve receptors break,
Not tempting to barter,
With whatever makes,
Other portions,
Of consciousness spark,
There's no assortment,
We're just one part,
Floating in the void,
The vast nothingness,
Defined as girls ad boys,
And transgenders bluffing it,
All identities breaking,
Anf omring stronger bonds,
To another unreal self,
Lounging on the lawn,
Sipping a cup,
Of unsweetened tea,
And diving further,
Into reality.

I never go in for it,
I always let you,
Next time I will explore it,
Or nah, forget you,
But still, will you come closer?
I still need your love,
Today you are the grocer,
That gives me the drug,
With your smug face,
Hug laced with a snug waste,
It's distasteful and fake,
But cures the withdrawal,
Either way I'll come to you, stumble, and fall,
In ***, crumble, and stall,
Half drunk, half high, off the wall,
Shrunk down, dry out, then I crawl,
Back to you every ******* time...

Have you ever met someone that was completely content,
With their love and lifestyle, and all cards that were dealt,
With all faults and regrets and feelings they felt,
Through the whip, the crack, and strike of the belt,
As they knelt down to bow to a God they had known,
To sit above everything on his shiny golden throne,
While the believers carved symbols into their fragile aching bones,
And chanted quiet mantras at inconceivable tones,
They knew they were praying to something that didn’t exist,
When they accepted that, they had hurt their fists,
By throwing punches at walls that were made of bricks,
And now their mentality was too far gone to be fixed,
They gave up on the thought of a lord,
And everyone became extremely bored,
Of repetitive tasks that lead nowhere,
So they all decided to stand there, strip bare,
And **** themselves,
Then they were aware,
That whatever dwells,
In the center of the soul,
Was a cancerous being,
That played a simple role,
A role being that,
Of embers or coal,
It lights the way,
To the final destination,
It helps you and hurts you,
In its cruel manifestation,
This is the truth,
And truth shows the way,
To a simple life,
Of white, black, and gray.

I'm not hungry, I'm hurting,
This isn't nonsense I'm spurting,
Eye contact is averting,
My body is reverting back,
Into my organic shell,
When they begin to scream and yell,
I must've went off and fell,
Down the deep hole that leads to hell,
Where demons tend to dwell and,
All of the events smell fishy,
You're either high or tipsy,
You go from itchy to dizzy,
Couldn't see you were tricky,
The atmosphere is Misty or,
I just won't open my eyes,
If I do then I'll see some guys,
That stab me and hear my cries,
Then I wake as my ego dies,
I can see through your lies now,
Now my vision is all clear up,
Please stop, just slow down, hold up,
There's no need for you to speed up,
At this pace you will blow up,
You're too far ahead, back up, stop,
My girl don't dance to my bop,
But she is one I cannot drop,
Although my love is nonstop,
I can't direct it to a spot,
Love is the root of my depression,
Creates joy as well as aggression,
Mainly sadness because suppression,
Of having a physical session,
Definitely to my discretion,
Obviously there's no possession,
I need love to be my expression,
If my body is the impression,
Then all my heart is in secession,
This will be my final confession,
Though might be beyond comprehension.

The mountain was steep,
But I chose to venture,
To the very top,
To view earths splendor,
But once I reached,
The mountains peak,
An old man stood,
And took a leak,
His long gray beard,
Drooped to the ground,
And a bunch of animals,
Gathered around.

His beautiful aura,
Outshined the land,
And a couple of birds,
Ate from his hand,
He zipped up his fly,
And turned around,
Just to see,
My displeased frown,
He walked to me,
And said the kind,
Of words that seemed,
To read my mind,
"What's here is now,
What's past is past,
Don't fret, my friend,
This too shall pass."

This man obviously saw,
My visible discomfort,
I left early this morning,
Thinking I would come first,
The man said he was hiking,
And was unintentionally fasting,
He asked for a snack,
I said I was just passing,
He said so do the birds,
And emotional stains,
So does time and joy,
And anger and pain,
But this is fine,
I'll continue to fast,
This pain in my stomach,
Is sure to pass.

I feel like if I was insane,
That would mean that I am sane,
Cause I'm so far out of it,
That I doubt that I'm in brain,
Still caught up in my mind,
Which is fine,
Cause diving times arise,
When reminiscing on my life,
I'm out of the box,
Shot straight past the membrane,
That voice in my head,
Has been tamed,
Killed dead,
And then framed,
For ****** of self,
Like ego death,
So no shame,
For everything he did,
And everything he will do,
So if you catch the *******,
Or he psychologically screws you,
Know the test still lingers,
And he's bringing up old news,
Learn from the anger,
Or learn from the cold blues,
So now you know that he has no constraints,
And by him of course, I mean me,
Although I'm feeling 'out of sane',
I'm insane psychologically,
Medication, Risperdal,
Slight sedation, off the wall,
Abilify, Invega, Clorazil,
**** it, down another pill,
Pepsi, coke, sugar, cane,
Now you know I'm out sane.

Recently, I've been tired of only writing about heartbreak,
It was a way to cope with my heart when it would ache,
So I started to show a different side of me,
An ugly side that was recently set free,
I would write about the worst things I could think about,
Then I could think of worse so I would continue to spout,
Out negative events that would trigger negative feelings,
And compel negative actions through terrible meanings,
It's easy to write when there's an intense impression,
That you keep feeling so poems put out in rapid succession,
Poem after poem, they're all displaying depression,
And then a friend came by and decided to mention,
That there is a different way to plot your poems,
Act like its a freestyle rap and let your mind roam,
Say what you think and write what you say,
The good, the bad, the straight, the gay,
But all that came through, day after day,
Was the bad and ugly, the black and the grey,
No good thoughts would ever come about,
Just words that made people cry or pout,
Or just get uncomfortable and stop reading,
On my terrible words, your mind was feeding,
I need to make people feel good about themselves,
Make them feel powerful and like there's a way to help,
Or completely solve every problem,
Or maybe I could just sit and rob them,
Of their good days and just write what I want,
I don't care if it pays, It's just to soothe the night,
Terrors and morning traumas,
Away with the fake people and their drama,
Now I'm going to go **** a llama.

Fear is a wooden door,
That I like to open,
In my head, it's stored,
And the lock is broken,
I have never opened,
The door all the way,
Just a crack, hoping,
The other side will convey,
The smallest amount,
Of unneeded fear,
To race my heart without,
Death seeming near,
Sometimes, when I'm away,
The door starts to open,
A creepy creature may,
Try to arise unspoken,
An eerie specimen,
Creeping through the door,
Appearing as a vessel in,
The form of a *****,
A gilded demon,
The epitome of fear,
A panic attacking seeming,
To ever draw near,
Luckily, I'm in the mind,
So this **** can't hurt me,
I just have to wait blind,
Until this thing deserts me,
I start to wonder why,
I every peer in the first place,
At the other side,
When I know that my worst days,
Are full of things,
That show impending doom,
Cause that door brings,
Fear from a room,
Made of nothingness,
A chilling disgust,
But if I can't trust in this,
What can I trust?
When my mind is all,
That I've ever known,
How can the mental king,
Vacate his mental throne?

I ask myself, "What's the point?",
Then end up rolling another joint,
Completely forgetting the question,
Never again to be mentioned,
Or brought up again ever,
These are the thoughts that must be severed,
Because thinking about it,
Makes me want to end it all, just quit,
So I sit and I stall in the pit,
Of loneliness under sedatives,
See me and say, "yeah, he kind of lives",
But obviously, I'm mostly dead,
A hunk of sad flesh that wants love instead,
Of more common necessities,
Dot your I's and cross your T's,
Hide the cries of impossibilities,
Fantasize over all the fantasies,
Climb to the highest point and feel the breeze,
That blows you off into the lake of fire,
In the lake there's many demons for hire,
They will sell you lies that are drugs and *****,
Feels at the top, but game over, you lose,
Still writhing at the bottom of the pit,
Dancing in blood and the phlegm of your spit,
You thought it made you rise but it didn't,
Still below it all and back to question,
"What's the point", lay down the bottle, rest gin,
Tuck it away, you're tucking it to sleep,
As you're woke again, you're back on your feet,
You talk about your problems to people,
Realize their solvable, you're feeble,
When it comes to talking about this stuff,
I want you to hear me, off with your muffs,
The abuse and pain, the love and the wealth,
Talking about this helped me understand myself,
As I continued to talk, the depressive thoughts fleeted,
Now I guess a good listener was all that I needed.

You are, but you strive for more,
I am, but the acceptance isn't complete,
Knowing what the future has in store,
Is like looking at a dead end street.
Your joy now will be sorrow later,
For all things come to an end.
Does life's value get any greater,
When you know what's around the river bend?

Born an anxious wreck,
Couldn't breathe for a sec,
Had an umbilical cord,
Wrung around my neck,
My dad prayed to the lord,
And the lord checked,
To see if he could afford,
A being as complex,
As me on board,
In his Sims project,
So my life was restored,
When a doctor undid it,
Now I'm sitting here bored,
And lord forbid I,
Act on my accord,
I'll get things done which I,
Never thought possible,
And probably not plausible,
Absolutely phenomenal,
And then I'll say I called it all,
Even though I saw little,
Cause I lacked the foresight,
And to my delight,
Cause ignorance is bliss,
And bliss was supplied,
Despite my first kiss,
That I somehow survived,
Locked mouths quick,
But kept open eyes,
Now she's a *****,
That I'll always despise,
Where am I going with this?
Am I making up lies?
Not a single fib,
To my surprise,
Maybe I'm changing,
Not locked in my ways,
Maybe I'll make a better track,
On a happier day.

I love you,
I just don't know how to show it,
Just one chance,
I really don't want to blow it,
Every time,
I hang out with you,
I just think,
****, she's just too cute,
When you're here,
In my house and nowhere beside me,
That's when we're,
Sharing a missed opportunity,
Sometimes I'm mad at myself,
Because I can't express my love,
I want you and no one else,
Forever just raising above,
Things that will try to hold us back,
But going at a comfortable pace,
So the relationship won't crack.
.........
Honestly, love pains me,
And I don't know why,
I'm removing debris,
From my love-blind eyes,
Honestly, love fills me with joy,
And makes my love for you more intense,
Let's just be a girl and a boy,
Who can create love,
And can show the love,
At our own dispense,
Honestly, I just want you to be happy,
That's the biggest goal,
I am depressed when you're feeling unhappy,
Sadness will parch you,
Happiness feeds the soul.

I was snatched,
Detached,
From my loving mom,
When I was six or seven,
Like Iran to Saddam,
Some people invaded,
And removed our calm,
But I was persuaded,
That I wasn't loved,
At my moms place,
So I was taken away,
Didn't see her face,
For over a decade,
Parents replaced,
I wish I stayed,
Cause for ten years,
I sat and decayed,
Without affection,
Just a roof and some crumbs,
I had no connections,
I slowly went numb,
To life and joy,
And simple pleasures,
Became an angsty boy,
That felt the pressure,
Of knowing there was people,
That was out there and cared,
But I thought I'd never see them,
And that made me scared,
I was told they were evil,
But soon I was prepared,
To find their love,
And rise above,
Some petty lies,
That I despised,
Reunited with 'em,
And gave them hugs,
And at that point,
I found the love,
I knew I had missed,
All the lost bliss,
The anger in my heart,
To this day, it exists,
But when I start,
To unball my fists,
And hug my sister,
Or brother, it gets,
Released completely,
And I feel alright,
Cause I'm back with my family,
For at least another night.