how have you not gone insane
when you pretend that you don’t feel pain

when you are supposed to take the same pill
everyday, same time,
when you have to submit your paper
before the deadline,
when you have to wear certain clothes
can't go against their dress-code,
when you are asked to speak your mind,
but your words are confined
when your dollar only gets you so far,
but they tell you to reach for the stars
when they deny your application,
yet you have never gone on a vacation
when they try to reach out,
but they don’t want to be put out
when you stare off into space,
wondering what’s outside this place

how have i  not gone insane,
my minds a ******* hurricane

I could not get you off of my mind
from the moment I met you
You set me blind
I felt something I never knew

everything was falling apart into a million pieces
but you were my center, my rock, my bliss
maybe it was because I was blindfolded that I couldn't see my weakness
but none of that mattered because you were there to save me from this

the nightmares then began
I don't know why they started
you just became a young man
I was so miserably surviving, half-hearted
They took my soul
Swallowed me whole
I lost me, you,
And felt nothing
But a black hole

I thought you could save me from this,
But I couldn’t even fathom to think
Of all of the misery I was already impeding you with

The depression wasn’t even the worst part
It was those intrusive thoughts
That made me detach myself so far apart
You didn’t understand and neither did I
All I felt was our love die

I’m sorry I left you because of my mind
I wanted our stars to be aligned
I’ve forgiven myself for all I can
There’s only so much
I can stand

my eyes were open for two years
fear, I couldn't close them, even when it was so clear

what had I just signed up for,
you swore, why are we in a civil war

waiting for you to just ******* crash
but with your stash, you're having a blast

drifting away from reality,
carefree, giving me the third degree, you lost me

control couldn't save you
and neither could I
I knew we just both had to survive
I felt weak, but now I know I was strong
my eyes were tired for being open for so **** long

you didn't just crash, you ******* burned
you burned all of your bridges with no where left to turn
flight or fight, fright, I can't trust you without a ******* knife,
I closed my eyes, finally, and I suddenly gained all sight

I didn't need a reason to help you
but maybe I wanted to close my eyes again
maybe I wanted peace, a close to an end

because for two years,
I couldn't close my eyes
so thank you
now I am wise

Face masks our insecurities as we fill them on our news feeds
Children dying from mass shootings as we snapchat our fragmented selfies
Laying under blankets at night with that big shiny bright light
Swallowing a pill for the night
Hoping to forget the fright