What is blue?
They say it’s the colour of the sky
But I never saw it, for I am colourblind.
And then you came along, covering my sky with your compassion
The wisdom of your words, the comfort of your embrace
They say the say the sky watches over the world
But the one watching over my world, is you
I can now see the colour blue.

What is green?
They say it’s the colour of the forest
But I never saw it, for I am colourblind.
And then you came along, bringing out sides of me I didn’t know I had
Just as the forest harbours all forms of life
You brought out all forms of mine
The child, the man, and all things in me unseen
I now see the colour green.

What is red?
They say it’s the colour of a rose.
But I never saw it, for I am colourblind.
And then you came along, touching your soft lips to mine
The tenderness, the electricity, the passion you conveyed
Ran through my lips, my veins, all the way to my core
Your eyes said the rest, everything that was unsaid
I now see the colour red.

What is grey?
They say it is the colour of a rainy day.
Wait, this looks familiar, for I am colourblind!
Ah, the clouds, the drops, the world I’ve always known
But why is it so different, what are these colourful dashes in the way?
Have I always felt so much, did my smile always stay?
No, I see red, I see green, and I see blue
I now see the colour of you.

and making me want to die was something you were always good at.
not in a bad way
because for someone who has been suicidal since age 11,
that means you made me feel something.
feeling something has been a problem of mine for a while now
i either feel it all or nothing
and my therapist tells me that's
"black and white thinking"
and i tell her
"no, it's realistic"
and she laughs and tells me i must be colourblind
but the world has so many different tones of grey
and i tell her i know
i just can't see them yet
and she sends me home with a worksheet to fill out
she says bring it back tomorrow for our next session
but the worksheet asks me questions i don't have the answer to
"what's your favourite shade of grey"
almost arbitrary
could be written off
but i feel the breath catching in my throat
because i don't think about grey anymore
grey reminds me of the colour in your eyes
a colour chart that ranges from silver lining
to solitaire
you've ran off again
and i have to be honest
i'm glad that when
you left
you left
me colourblind
because i can't see grey without thinking of you
and i can't see your note so it's another night of feeling nothing
feeling something
feeling it all

I went to my eye doctor
And told him I was unstable.
He gawked at me from across the table
Thankfully he tested me
For otherwise I couldn't see
The light in life
Or colours of the trees.
You see, my broken heart was very unkind
Causing me to go colourblind

I can’t see, I try but I can’t

Without all those colours, life is bland

Everything has turned to grey

From happiness to dismay

In the blink of an eye

Time to say goodbye

To your perfect little life

It’s turned into a struggle to survive

But my problem is my head

Not those two eyes of mine

I think my brain is dead

My eyes are working just fine


I envy those around me

Enjoying their lives, being free

Whilst I’m trapped in a grey environment

All dark, blurry and violent

Streams of tears trickle down my face

Are those tears or is it blood?

I should check, just in case

For I can’t distinguish one from the other

Then how am I ever to discover?



I’m full of open gashes

They hurt and I see flashes

Of my past, catching up to me

Leave me alone, I desperately plead

The present is still haunting my body

The future looks the same, a carbon copy

Full of hate, despair and depression

Introspection is the name of this session

Please don’t use discretion for your self-expression

Not a single concession it’s your possession

Say no to oppression, no to suppression

For you have to help yourself here

It’s a difficult road to get rid of the fear

To be free from the the thought

The one that your depression brought

The one occupying all of your brain

Screaming “YOU’RE NOTHING, YOU’RE INSANE!”

You’re stronger than that,

Please just have a little chat

About your issues, with anyone you trust

Your problems will decrease when discussed

Don’t stay colourblind, 
There’s too much you’re missing

Open up to people, don’t stay hidden


Depression is colourblind too

No matter how you look, it’ll find you

Do you know how long it look

For me to discover what was wrong?

Way longer than I could stay strong

But I figured it out, no I haven’t

I preach this advice, but my mind is still absent

Still struggling, but I think I know what to do

How to actually fix this, oh I wish I knew

It’s certainly hard, it’s a struggle

Chucking around all these emotions

Don’t even know how to juggle
I let them all fall, they crack and break
Don’t have emotions anymore,

All I do is fake


I envy those around me

Enjoying their lives, being free

Whilst I’m trapped in a grey environment

All dark, blurry and violent

Streams of tears trickle down my face

Are those tears or is it blood?

I should check, just in case

For I can’t distinguish one from the other

Then how am I ever to discover?

What I feel like

Who I am

This whole thing called life is a scam

It’s not what they told me it’d be

Or is it too soon, when will I be free?

When will I see colours, I don’t understand

They ask about my favourite colour, I pretend

“Oh it’s blue, or red or something..”

I know it’s wrong, I feel disgusting



I shouldn’t lie, I need to speak

As life keeps looking bleak

Don’t know how long I’ll survive

Not just pretend to live a life

I want to enjoy, laugh and discover

Not having to recover

From thinking for too long

That’s just what is wrong

I’m sick, so sick

From myself I’m so thick

I know what is wrong, but assistance?

I’d rather have some distance

Settled on coexistence

Gave up any persistence or resistance

Along the way,

The cost is that everything stays grey

Everything tastes the same

I claim I’m not to blame

I live in shame, 

Seeing who I became



I became weak, a grey character

Not knowing if I’m good or bad

Doesn’t matter, not a competitor

Simply breathing, going mad

It’ll be alright, it’ll sort itself out

Keep telling yourself that friend

As you drown in this drought

Of emotions

When I was younger
I loved the world
I saw no suffering
Pain is a distant myth
Bees fly high in their way
Birds singing their cheerful melody
Cats and dogs played chase till sun's end

That was a wonderful time

And what did you do to it?

"Stupid boy, that's not right"
Your words were foreign to me
I have not heard them
I tilt my head and ask you
"what?"

"Dumb boy, you have an attitude"
These words again
No definition in my mind
I ask you again
What do you intend with these words?

"Your mother has done wrong in raising you, undisciplined, disobedient, you'll get nowhere in life"
Am I one to be trained like a dog?
I begin to think
What have I done?
No answer comes to mind
But maybe what I do right is wrong?
Maybe that's what it is
It must be
No other reason explains it

What have I done right?
I can't tell
Not anymore
The lines between right and wrong start fading
It was right, right?
Or definitely wrong.
Or is that wrong?
I don't know

Now years later
I still don't tell
I can't
Not because I lack the effort to try
Just the motivation
I tried again
And my efforts are failing me
So why try now?

It all makes sense to me
Good and bad
I can't understand your reasoning
That's my downfall
Empathy is not something I am not capable of
But I don't think you are

I think I might of been able to tell
Long ago
But you beat that out of me

The perfect vision to see
I see no lines anymore
Colourblind to green and red

Fades out to gray

And soon

It'll fade out to white

And I won't know

If that's right

depression is like being colourblind.
expect your colourblind to happiness.

you know it exists and you know its there.

and you want to see it.

but you see you see the world in the lens of depression.

As I slide on through the wet pavement,
the puddles don't vibrate or shake.
The rain doesn't stall, the drops continue their fall,
each splash pushes my cracks to break.

As I sit under a dark blanket of stars,
I reach out into only empty air.
No one passes by, I don't catch a single eye,
I'm plagued and cursed but can't bring myself to care.

A reward for my lost mind,
a rainbow for the colourblind,
emptiness fills to the core.
Hectic routine clearly outlined,
lip bit and my teeth grind,
I've been hiding in a metaphor.

While I sail through the sky with no safety net,
no bird seems worried for my form,
they don't even blink, they just watch on as I sink,
and they're ready and anxious for my body to swarm.
I always was known as a storm.

A reward for my lost mind,
a rainbow for the colourblind,
emptiness fills to the core.
The sun never showed or shined,
it was stuck, chained in a bind,
I've been hiding in a metaphor.

Once walked along each path
with only untied shoes,
and I felt heartbreak's wrath,
and the old lovers blues,
got the brittle in each bone
and my spine's growing weak,
in the end we all die alone,
but I witnessed a smile in each beak.

A reward for my lost mind,
a rainbow for the colourblind,
emptiness fills to the core.
A mute that never signed,
A soul too late to find,
I've been hiding in a metaphor.

Into the shadows I blend,
never to see light again,
I've been holding doors to my metaphors for you.
Into the shadows I blend,
one day the dark will be a trend,
I've been holding doors, hands covered in sores for you.

Oh I was on fire that night,
now the stars blur in my sight,
I've been holding doors to my metaphors for you.
You know I'm here just like I was then,
I will be there when you come again,
I've been dying and crying on hardwood floors for you.

There's no simile to describe me,
no comparing or analogy,
just one white blank page.
There's no simile to describe me,
no imagery or allegory,
just one lonely cage.

I know that the
grass is green and
sun red, but sometimes
yellow like dandelions,
and the earth is brown
just like trunks of trees.
I know the skies
are painted in blues
that eventually fade
into mauve, at some point
coalescing into the seas
and limpid waters of
sun-kissed beaches, where
strange exotic fruits would
entice with violets and amaranths
redolent of a night on
some far island, stood
beneath the stars whilst
they shine white like...
a million ways out.
Each one a brush,
showing me the palette.
But everything just looks
grey and dark and
black.

Tell me I’m not stupid for allowing myself to feel,
searching out for the next wound before letting the former heal,
I’ve been convincing myself that the invisible path is real,
but it’s not wide enough for two; one can stand and one can kneel.

If there’s anything in this world that tightens my chest,
it’s the moment I am strangled by vulnerability.
I keep it chained away to the very best,
to the very best of all my abilities.
Take all those thrown away phrases
and piece them back together to hit my ears
it’s funny how the long silence still amazes,
amazes me after all these quiet years.

Are you Sonic the hedgehog,
‘cause this is a chaos emerald.
Wipe away the tears to see the fog,
my world shakes when once it trembled.
I’ve got an easy road ahead of me
where the path could be so easy,
but I’m drawn to walk into the sea,
I wish that instinctive pull would leave me.

We humans are such destructive creatures
we turn soil to scorched earth with just one touch.
It’s the curse of emotions and all it features,
makes us decline a cast and accept a crutch.
We fall prey to our monsters like a disease,
do I pick life support or a clean cut cure?
A solid steel spine or weak and shaking knees?
Toxic lungs or a gasp of air too pure?

Should I swallow this gulp of mundane routine
conform and erase all individuality?
The white picket fence in photographs is so pristine
but it’s covered in dust and mold the naked eye can’t see.

My storybook ending is incomplete
as I didn’t much care for the ending.
I traded in tragedy instead of something sweet,
‘cause I’ve never been so good at pretending.
All along there are holes both in the souls and plot,
and I wish to roll but can’t afford the toll as empty hands are all I got