Dear life,  no one asked you to bring me here. So why did you had to bother? Between us, if only you had asked first you would had known that I would of choosen to stay inexistable. And just for that you are such a *****.

I wonder what it would feel,
For once in my life to be choosen first.
I keep yearning for him to choose me first,  to love me first, to be happy with me for who I am. To stop comparing me to the first wheel. Every time I realize I'm only second wheel.
  What's wrong to be second wheel you ask me?  Well there's nothing wrong in being second wheel. It is the feeling that comes along with it that makes it wrong. The feeling of being used,  the pretentious care. It just hurts,  it hurts so much that you want to just stop feeling.
You want to stop feeling the anger that why are you second wheel? you want to stop feeling all the pain he caused you.  The only thing you've given him is unconditional love.  The worst part is you'll still choose him first!
You can't help but love him. He's your blood. You have to love him..  isn't he supposed to love you the same way?  All the second wheel can ask is why doesn't he choose me first just once in my life?  
Poor second wheel doesnt realize she is always going to be second wheel.  She will never be valued for who she is! She is just a second wheel!
She sits here hoping he'll realize what he did was wrong!  Deep down she knows he will never realize it , his first wheel is better, shinier,  smarter, and just everything he wants.  The second wheel remains where she is, behind, no one to care about her . A burden forever.  Poor Poor second wheel, one day she'll learn to give in and learn that hope is meant to shatter in her life!
Till then she'll live in a false world and have hopes that will only break her heart!

It's become vivid
Your world is mine.
With an unpredictable ending
Of either darkness or light

All my life my parents always told me to dream big.
As a kid I thought to China, I could dig.
But the critics in my head keep my dreams little.
Getting tired of these mental monsters making me feel belittled.
In my dream it seems like the pest knows whats best.
All their words and whispers make me wanna second guess.
To stressed and caught up in outsiders looks.
Feels like I embezzled the thoughts, of invisable crooks.
Thought I could beat kung foo when I grabbed the pebble.
But the monsters and the crooks made the whole idea disheveled.
They eroaded my motives of keeping the real me open.
I feel the claws of the monsters on the back of my neck strockin'.
Thinking to myself I'm the only victim they've choosen.
Letting the whispers and words get into my emotions.
If only I were deaf maybe I wouldnt be the one they've choosen.

3am in the morning and I'm strolling
you walk by looking like the choosen
eye contact and the chemistry explodin
body language speaking loudly, smiling as I close in
sundress, hair tied, matching purse looking wooven
pretty lips, beautiful satin eyes that matching your clothin
slim waist, thick thighs
hypnotized by your vibes
love at first sight
from first sight of your eyes
ask you where you from
as I walk you home
the more we talk, the more we vibe
before you know it, I'm sitting on your sofa
our hands are all over, lips are getting closer
mouths open wipe, bodies begging for closure
instinct taking over, bodies getting closer
climaxes reaching closure
laying side to side
and then its
over

Do you remember that night out by my car.
Daddys Caddy,
bright in the moonlight.
A home for our words, carefully choosen,
sometimes not.
A mutual ground.
A safehaven for thoughts too bold for sunlight.
The darkness helped us, I think.
Protected us from seeing too much,
when too much was being said.
Maybe I was a little drunk.
Thats all it took, some liquid courage,
for you to know that I was sorry.
You touched me then.
Not a "I just want to *******" touch.
You felt me, deep inside.
You knew the claws of a beast were tearing me down.
Not one that could be tamed,
and could only be suppressed for so long.
He was there and you saw him,
clear in my eyes.
Usually gaurded, fighting him back.
But there he was,
pompous as any.
Jabbing me in the ribs,
"I told you I would get out"
There he was teeth beared and all,
ready to rip me down
right in front of you.
Right in front of my Daddys Caddy.
Claws, teeth and lies.

Lord, This soul is melting
This moon is waning
Am I gravitating
Toward your door
Once more
Are we the
Chosen

For years it's been my  defense my escape and my prison
all in one.
It's a drug I can and will never kick.
I wield it as a wepon sharper than any razor none
could ever hold.

But it's a love hate relationship twisted in it's
lack of perfection  harsh edges none can
understand but I.

But in it I find isolation in others happiness I find
none of my own and like any drug its high slowly drains you
yet no matter your best efforts to escape it your always
a ****** after that fix.

I've taken to the stage as easy as breathing
and found it simple to draw there laughter.
Happiness is a splendid vice i deal it often yet
In jokes we show are fears  are weakness is on display
for the mocking of others.

Why do I struggle with masks when my own face is but a stranger
to me?
From the stage im the fool by apearence yet I control
every thought  a craftsman  in laughter  my job
i understand better than any other.

Yet I yern to be more than a teller of jokes.
It's to easy at times not that I want to seem
like a ego mainac  but my job I know well.

Often we see the comedians but seldom do we see the misreble
******* behind the jokes.
Maybe were madmen lunatics in a asylum
so happily on display.

The laughter is the comfort and for a moment it heals.
You feel it like a drug it it flows through your veins.
You take people outta there misery if only for a second
and thats the reward there happines is but my gold in thought.

But any role can become a trap.
For no one cares to hear a fools thought.
So you drown in other vices make light of your ******* up past.

And with any  exceptance in life it changes you.
People treat you diffrent for they see the act not the person.
Soon you cant even see yourself anymore.

Relationships turn sour.
Welcome strangers  who thirst for fun replace friends
And the more you succeed the further away you become.

So you drown in ***** or dose in pills  
Share moments you can barely recall.
Hide behind dark glasse's talk to women who claim
to want a glimpse but you both are just junkies
yerning for that fix.

But to be close if only for a moment is a
bitter sweet  dream cast on a nightmares
wing.

But there's always someone who can see past your *******.
but no matter how strong the love the stage and the laughter
are a poisen few can survive.

For how can you love the man who lives a double life?
Who's loved by many and understood by few if
even himself.

Everytime I get up there it's a sacrfice a road ive choosen
with no set reward.
My love for one can never match the  love of many.

It's more than joke ,Im more than a comedian,
Yet im less off a person after the lights fade.
Nothing can match that fix of the stage.

Pain ,Isolation the loss of yourself  and everyone you ever
cared for  thoose my friends are the setbacks of humor.

I admit I’m obsessed so I’m not gonna lie
The fact that you’re gorgeous I will not deny
The thought that you stay in my mind all night
Everyday I hope to have you right in my sight
Nobody can have an appearance like yours
Easy to say that you’re the one that I adore
Everyday I pass by your profile on myspace
My mind goes crazy when I see your face
I want to go out of my way just to go see you
My obsession of you is crazy if only you knew
When the sun shines your face glows
I was just too shy to just let you know
Just seeing your face gives me the motivation that I need
Just your pale-like snow colored face is all need to see
When you walk by I just can’t help but stare
The moments away from you I just can’t bare


I don’t know if this is love or just a crush
I’ve got to have you and that’s a must
When you caress me it’s like putting a blanket over my cold heart
There’s so many things about you that I don’t know where to start
The smile that you have will put a spark in my mind
You’re the only  one that will keep me out of line
I’ll be the happiest man alive if you’d asked me to be your boyfriend
It’ll be like my dreams becoming a reality as your honor I will defend
You’re the only one that can really drop me to my knees with your words
Your voice resembling an angel’s harp is a sound that needs to be heard
You ‘re the only one that can lift me up when I’m down
You’re the only one that can really take away my frown
Seeing your presence is enough to make my day
You’re just a wonderful girl that’s all I got to say
Your acknowledgement really makes me happy
And make me smile even when I’m feeling ******
I hope you’re the girl that actually cares about my feelings
And put up with all the intense crazy **** that I’m dealing
You have a face that only a mother can love
I know for sure that you’re the choosen one
Your face is in my mind just to help me get through life’s struggles
Pretending to see your presence is what prevents me to tumble


If I was wounded I hope you fall to your knees to care for me
Your tears on my face will be enough to heal me it’s all need
I’m not trying to sound sick but that just shows me that you care
And it shows me that my emotions and problems you can bare
You’re like the buried treasure that’s at the bottom of the sea
It warms my heart that if I’m in pain you’ll actually start to weep
Imagine if we had kids that’ll be something that we made together
Or if we were to get married that will make my life so much better
It’ll be wonderful if was mentioned on your all about me on myspace
And my name was typed into your headline that will sound great
I’d be the luckiest guy on this earth if I was the only one you really loved
I’d feel like my mission on earth is complete and my suffering will be done


I’m not like other guys who will abuse their lovers
I am totally different and the opposite of the others
I’ll keep my hands off unless you say different
The only thing I ever want to do please you
I just want to show you how much I need you
Don’t expect me to cheat just like the other guys
You’re the only one for me and that’s really no lie
My mother taught me to respect girls that’s what I’ll do
I believe that your needs comes first and that’s the truth
I’m not one of those crazy guys who just wants girls for ***
I’m more respectful than that and I hope that you don’t forget
It’s a great honor to be with somebody like you
I just don’t want to be anybody else besides you


Okay yeah, for right now I’m dreaming
Me claiming your love is what I’m seeing
I’m saying it’ll just be wonderful if that were to really happen
When I tell you about my wishes I hope you don’t go laughing
I’m guessing that you probably have other guys waiting for you
I hope after you read this poem I didn’t go ahead and bore you
I’m just telling you what I think that’s all
If you don’t feel that way it’s not your fault
I’m just saying it will be great if my wishes were true
All I can hope is, inside your heart there’s always room

Rejection, it is painful!

I lauch myself at the idea of hope,
I throw myself into the notion of happiness,
I jump head first into something that could be,

Each and every time all I recieve is REJECTION

The steady reminder that I am not wanted,
The sharp feeling of not being choosen,
The constant pain of being unworthy,

Unworthy of being loved, of being the person that is picked
Being someone that is seen as being desirable, wanting to jump head first with me into something that could be,

But rejection, the reminder that what could be is indeed nothing more than a mere fleeting feeling.