there's a lot of things you don't know about me you don't know the way I think about you
in those songs I sent you
after you heard them I deleted them
because I knew that would you would really listen and listen again and again to them and remember them
but I knew you heard them all through but not memorized through you might be confused
when you click on the playlist and it tells you
it doesn't exist
cause I want to tell you how I feel so I did
for a bit
but now I want you to think that
those feelings didn't exist
because they didn't
right?
there's a lot of things you don't know about me
why I don't even believe in the word promise
in my world the definition of promise is
"when someone tells you they will stay but then leave"

or how I can't be kissed in my car anymore cause I've kissed more there than I've heard promises from boys
or how I want you to hate me

there's a lot of things you don't know about me
like how I cried everyday for months
caused by a boy that was similar to you
or how I hate going to the movies
because I had been taken advantage on a first and last date there

there's a lot of things you don't know about me
I used to be able to apologize sincerely
but now I keep my pride
I used to be kind but now I am blunt
I say what I think because I lost my heart

there's one thing you know about me
I have been heartbroken
and I don't want that again

there's a lot of things you don't know about me
like how I'm trying to get you to hate me
and you're too perfect to do it
I would pay all the money in the world
to get you too
but the thing is you remind me of my spirit when I was 2 years younger than you

there's a lot of things you don't know about me
like how I'm gonna kiss you before you kiss me
cause I know you're too shy in the first place
you don't know how I get jealous when I don't even like you
you don't know how I tell my friends I don't like you and they always say "Sarah we know you do"

there's a lot of things you don't know about me
I put scenarios in my head of all the different ways
you could kiss me for the first time
but i can't wait so I'll just do it instead
I don't want you to be underrated so il list create it myself

there's a lot of things you don't know about me
like the mistakes I've made maybe you'll find out
how whipped I am and how I want to bring you things
and buy you things
or how when u grab my hand my pulse goes up way to humanely fast
but there is a lot of things I don't know about you... that I would like to.

thanks for teaching me what life is really about
how to care, and how to actually truly love
thanks for teaching me to be careful, because not everyone you meet you can trust
and not all those you trust will trust you too
thanks for teaching me that there is way better things to do than cry over you
& for teaching me I deserve better,
showing me not everyone will care
by your actions I learned that, and that love isn't always fair.
thanks for teaching me to stop worrying for others and to focus on me
thank you for telling me that I would be happy
I'd find someone new and forget you
i will always remember you, but not the way I thought I would
thanks for putting at my lowest, because now I know how to get out and up to my highest
and for teaching me that people that ***** you over aren't worth getting to your lowest for
that's why I'm never getting to my lowest in life for anyone like you ever again.
thanks for showing me what it's like not to be loved

occasionally I will wonder if we're compatable

or is the only reason we stay because of flattery

do you think this too?

will I be able to tell you my secrets
could I tell you my fears

and have the same feeling that we get when we kiss

or are we just hanging by lust on a rope that's breaking strand by strand

that's not what I want
I want to know you

it's pouring rain outside and I'll I can think about is you

how if you were here

I would kiss you out there

in the pouring rain

until it stopped

love
I hate it
well isn't that an oxymoron
I keep trying to find it
but when I do it's still not available
you see you have it
but you won't give it to me
you say
"go find it somewhere else"
but i can't
was it even love?
if it dies away
will we still have it,
if I stay away?
I don't know
and I won't say
how I feel anymore
because I'm just doing what you want
& showing faith
leaving you is what you want
and I hope it won't be long or feel long until I see you again

music


a blessing
or
a curse

when I hear it I'll cry

and

other times I'll dance

I feel emotions
I wouldn't feel before


I remember moments
I wouldn't have

so it may be a curse
but most of the time it's a blessing

or a gift

I got back up by myself then you pushed me back over

you must not know what caring is if you think you do it to much

at least I got poems and songs out of you

you said "I have to hurt you now so I'll hurt you less later"

but I didn't think that you would ever have to later...

weaknesses

fears

hopes

dreams

pet peeves

desires

wishes

goals

your future

I want to know you

not just the good things
but the bad too

I want to know you. I hope you want to know me too.

There is black mascara smeared down your cheeks.

All you could do was apologize & show meekness; them it was up to them to decide.

For when it's not enough you said, or maybe it was too much you thought, that you did in the past for them to take in.

"Forgive them for they know not what they do." Does that scripture even apply to you?

You DID know what you were doing, and what the consequences could have been, yet you did it anyway, out of pride, again.

You sit there not knowing what to do. You find yourself on the ground, out of the blue.

"At least I know you'll forgive me." you say humbly lifting your neck upward, with blurry eyes . You know he will, you know he does. He tells you so, for he said himself he says no lies.

I don't want you to know that I'm in pain
I don't want to make your worries worse
you make it worse for me I will admit
But I promise to you I'm here to commit
everything is falling down
but when I look around everything has to do with you
how can I help you?
and what should I do?
"Say you're there for him"
but what do I say??
"just be there for him"
"this is the best thing that's going to help him"
but what do I do for him!!
I need an answer, but nobody can tell me
yes it would be easier to leave
but I'm not afraid to grieve
honestly I am here, but darling I don't know how to show you

love figuring people out
love seeing good in them
& understanding their understanding of things and why they love them
I love seeing love
potential love
platonic love
romantic love
&
genetic love
any love of any kind
it makes my heart smile inside
but I don't like seeing one way love
or parallel love
the kind that doesn't meet or
perpendicular love that leaves once it meets
because of a bump in the road
but that shouldn't be called love anyway
because love doesn't die,
if it was love it will always have a spark
a small light at least
love will never die
is true
and will always be
but love isn't a one way street, once it meets it doesn't leave
it merges together
to make ends meet

a drop of water

can't put out a fire

just like an apology

can't heal the pain

late nights are my favorite part of day
my thoughts suddenly expand
my passion and dreams become real
i say things I wouldn't have the guts to say in the day
I find out my own secrets
I see a future full of happiness
sometimes I will think back from months ago my dreams and fantasies from dusk are no longer dreams
no longer fantasies
they are coming to life
and that's the power of night

why do I want the guy that nobody wants?
I choose him over the guy that everybody wants
they both treat me right
they both keep me up at night

but why
the one that everyone loves doesn't need me.
the guy that no girl likes he needs me

I wrote many poems in my life
about boys, about life
The poems about you are the worst
they're the ones nobody likes
I can't get my feelings out when I write about you
I can't tell if it's because I don't have them or because they're too strong
and I'm trying to figure it out and see if what we have is wrong
should the worst poems be about the best person? Or should my worst poems be about the worst moments with the worst person for me
I don't know I wish you would just tell me

next time you hug me
I won't let go

when you kiss me
I'll apologize now,
i will be smiling & laughing

but I know you'll understand why

we would have waited so long for that moment

we had thought about it for hours each day

nobody will understand us like us
and nobody will understand why I'm laughing except you

and even if you don't
when I tell you why you will laugh with me

and in that moment I will keep that picture of you in my head

and you will understand

and after that night I won't be able to fall asleep til 2 AM

but you'll understand
cause you won't be able to either

but after that kiss
you'll understand what I need
and I will too

all the others occupied my thoughts at night
but you... I think this might be right
cause you are all over my head in the morning, when I get out of bed
in the afternoon when I'm eating lunch and at night too
but you're always there
I guess that's fair if it's like that for you too

crying to you was my only relief

and when you cried with me I felt like we were in this together

but then you said "I'm going to push you away" with tears streaming down your face and in your shaking voice

I couldn't cry myself out of relief

and I tried to touch you and you wouldn't resist but you wouldn't touch me back

I knew you wanted to but you thought you were doing me a favor

"you deserve better, I'm just going to be a loser" "I don't want that for you"

"you would never be a loser in my eyes" I whispered unclear

there was so many times that you would pull me close to you

but here wasn't the case

I'm out of tears now, I'll go through the motions but nothing will come out

I just want to talk to you
but you "don't want anyone to care about you"

"I don't understand" I cry
and you never said anything back to that

cause deep down you don't understand yourself either

have you ever broken someone's heart?
cause I have
you are the villain
it like they're listening to their favorite song and you come and turn it off

it's like they finished building a masterpiece and you kick it over

it's like they finally stepped out of their wheelchair and you break their leg

they got out of a burning building and you set them on fire

they are on the right side of the road and you come head-on

eventually you get hurt too

but somehow you still tell yourself the biggest lie around

"it wasn't my fault"

the way my name escaped your lips
my name being whispered in my ear
by your voice
the only voice I ever desired to hear
now there's no chance to listen to your voice
knowing that can cause a tear
or two or three or a million
i want to know how you are
do you miss me
you said you were happier with me
then you spoke for me and said that I was unhappy
with you in my life
i miss telling you all I feel
I miss hearing silence or you listening
you let me say how I feel
if you wouldn't have spoken for me
I would have said yes, it's not easy
but you don't make me unhappy
being with you brings my heart to glee
but not when I know you don't want me