What an addiction to life one must have
To endure
This endless Now
And demand more
-
Raise a voice even
And shout for one more hit
to the teeth
to the groin
to the senses and then

to crawl on even brighter
with a smile illuminating
the abyss

I just want it to end.

The hopelessness, the fear,
the constant critic in my head:
I've lived with them all for too long.

All I've ever known is this war, this endless battle.
There's nothing wrong with wanting it to end.
To wish that it didn't is cruel.

But why can't the best solution be the simplest?
Why do I have to keep fighting?

At times it's deafening,
and I'm so exhausted.

Why can't I just lay down in no man's land
and let this battle fall silent around me?

Why can't that be the end?

Because... I'll never know what's possible.

I sit
Just so,
Rolling
Breath
Up and down
My spine,
Bottom
Heavy
Between
Wants
And musts
To come.
I sit
And remember -
The line
I’ve chosen
Goes
Forward.

i saw you last night
in my dreams, such a small world
we are becoming

You ask
If I'm okay
But not because
You really care
But because you're trying
To convince yourself
That you do

I always believed
That you had destroyed me
But then I realized
The only person
Who had the power
To destroy me
Was myself

I never expected you
To live up to your name

alone:
the want to escape from people

lonely:
the want to escape yourself

I hated my exes
Because they were always lying
When they said they loved me
But then again
So was I

it is 11:59 PM
and i love you

and i don't know about you
but in one minute
when a new day begins
when wifes are questioning
where their husbands are
when the city awakens
for their nightly mistakes
and late night distractions spiral
in minds of regret
i will be thinking of you

and if it's possible
i think i will love you even more
than i did one whole minute before