Is this love?
Or is it comfort?
I extenguish flames
That you ignite again
Why do I allow
These fires to torch my heart?
Maybe I enjoy
The third degree burns

My love for you has endured
All these years apart
With every moment
Of my lonely existence

How did this spark
Grow a flame
That burns on nothing
But my hope for us

I spend my time thinking
Maybe
someday
Your fire will meet mine

And it will spread
Bright enough
For the world to see

Emotional strain 

Causing a physical pain 

Life is but a drain

My heart wants 

To spill out my thoughts

Because I know you’ll listen

And give the best advice

My voice keeps quiet

Because I also know

My thoughts haunt your dreams

And cause you to worry

I’d rather protect you

Than keep my sanity

Do you see my dilemma?

Should I follow the signs
Or follow my heart
I can't even think of listening to my mind
because you turn it to mush

Should I leave you alone
Or pursue this again
Or ask some outside source
because I'm just too confused

Maybe my heart is the only sign I should follow
Maybe it's the compass that leads our intuition
So maybe
Just maybe
I know and have always known what I have to do

I've spent years in a hole
That got deeper each day
Then somehow I found a rope
Now i'm slowly falling
Back into my dark hole
And it's deeper than ever before

A lonely heart
Will seek comfort
In the first person
Who shows no negligence
Making the ***** vulnerable
To endless ache

Hello Happiness,

How have you been?
It's been a while since I've you seen you old friend
I miss the way I felt in your presence
Our moments in time were endless

Then Depression took your place
Times got hard but I liked the embrace
It was comforting in a different way
The darkness put a blanket over my days

So here I am
Feeling trapped
Wondering how I'll ever get you back
Sometimes when I think my world should end
You pop in my head and tell me to think again

I love you
I swear it
Sometimes you're too good to me
I can't bear it

We keep doing this dance
But give me another chance
Because now I know
The love you inherent

I'm gonna stop by pretty soon
My apologies if it's way past noon
Depression keeps me down
But you're why I get up
Keep me in your thoughts
And wish me luck

I've been rid of darkness
For only a month
And after today
I just might relapse

I can't help but admire
The masterpiece the universe bestowed upon me
In the form of a human
My mind flows with perfect images of you
Of us

I can't help but admire
The way your eyes capture mine
In a lenghty stare off
Although you catch others
The exact way

And I can't help but love
Your gifted passion
Your voice in action
Your way of holding me like I'm broken
And I can't help but love you

If we could talk telepathically
And I know we can
I'd want you to know that I care for you
Even though you're not my man

If we could talk through time
And I know it's true
I'd let you know I love
All the years and versions of you

If we could talk in our dreams
Which we have before
I'd let you know this is lovely
And it makes me cherish our reality more

If you could read my words
Or feel it in your heart
I'd let you know there's still space for you
Even though we are apart

I'm good
I feel so so good
But I still have my days
My horrible days where I'll break down and cry without warning
Why?
I didn't know at first
The universe, God, or whoever has to work a bit of sadness in our lives
My dark days make my good days seem brighter
Sadness builds appreciation
And I appreciate every honest smile that grows on my face
Because I remember the days where I couldn't even fake one
Like air, water, and shelter
Sadness is a basic need
How can you know what's good without experiencing the bad?

And when the rain comes down
I'll keep you safe sound
Smile, the sun's comes out
You will be safe in my shelter

I spend my time

Silencing voices

Telling me to

Travel a road of destruction

Just think

What if I listened?

Where would I be?

I silence those voices too

Because I might like the options

As we slowly part
I hope for just another
Enchanting embrace

Though never too intimate
I long for something more
I guess it's too much
To ask from the universe

How can I have everything
But also have nothing

With you I don't feel as if
I'll completely crumble
But as if
I'll melt into your warm body

What hinders such a perfect fanatasy?
Is it the other lusting eyes?
Or my lack of self worth?

What ever the matter may be
I will fight past it
For you are meant to be
*Mine

Being with you is like
Touching a hot stove
I like to feel the burn
Even though it hurts

I'm too lazy to work out
I don't want to sweat
It'll ruin my hair
But I want to be thin
So instead I skip meals
These are just my excuses

Listening to a love song
With a broken heart
Is torture
My eyes fill
With a ocean of tears
As the lyrics
Bruise my chest
And memories
Scorch through my mind
Why can't I have
The perfection that's in this tune
The perfection of love returned

Pain rushes towards me
From every possible direction
I can’t take it
It’s all too much
Right before your eyes
I begin to crumble
And still you don’t see
And still you don’t stop

I like swimming at the surface
Feeling the sun warm my skin
Relaxed by the view
With a smile on my face

Then someone joins the water
Heaviness in heart
Latching onto me

I stay up top for a while
But my skin gets colder
My view becomes darker
No smile on my face

I fight for the sun
Kicking my legs and waving my arms
But they keep hanging on
I continue to sink
No light in sight

I stayed down so long
Forgot there was a brighter side
Darkness was all I knew

Then I saw a flicker
I got curious and swam
The flicker became a beam
And I a familiar warmth
I got closer
Almost touching the surface
Almost

I hesitated to touch what I knew before
Before I sank
And I can sink again

But looking where I was now
And the progress I made
I thought I'd give the light another shot

And it took me in
But didn't hold me close
It made me fall
And will always make me fall
So I would appreciate it more

"I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift"

Well sometimes I do

When I remember our past

The times you spent in my bed

The times I spent in your arms

The months I spent missing you

I remember that the present is like getting socks for Christmas

It’s not exactly what you wanted but all you can do is smile and accept it