perfection is overrated
should be outdated
A misconception that
leads in the wrong direction
A selection  of  delusions
based on opinions
A reflection of a society
full of illusions
A collection of deception
that leads to self destruction
A thought that should be
rejected instead accepted

My legs were shaking
so uncontrollably
as I inched my way towards the
cold tile floor
on a Friday afternoon

It climbed up my spine
Into my hands
as the water in the cup
Shook and spilled
onto the floor

I look at the new mess before me
then up at the one in the mirror
staring right back
as I realize
as of now
only one can be helped

Because the shakes came
and left just as quick
but the thoughts that clawed
my skull
took root within my mind for weeks
on end

And after they grew comfortable
they invited the guest of honor to vacation
within the gaping hole of emptiness
that existed within my chest

Except when he was there it didn't
feel so empty
only heavy
and even though i asked them to leave
they had grown too comfortable
with my discomfort
to give it all up

See,
This time, you won't leave me with a scratch,
I'm good as I can be,
I won't give you anything to watch,

This time,
You won't leave me a scar,
Every wrong you ever did to me,
Will fade away like a dying star,

This time,
I will feel no pain,
I'll turn numb,
And won't break again,

See,
This time I will be free,
Away from your lies and abuse,
And finally be free,

A box of prescription drugs on my table.
It holds your name. Stating what is wrong with you.
Flaunting the details of where your body is
Failing.

You notice the hair on my pillow.
Shame.
Worried looks.
Anger.
I find none of it in your eyes.
You buy me razors.
"Do you need any help?" you ask.

Kisses on my bald scalp.
Beauty. Now we match even
Better.

She doesn't love me but she's reading my poems.

exaltation, exasperation
that's how were separated
in our nation
the happy stick together
and the fed up stay alone
everyone's always on their phone
miscommunication is
the cause for most things
we would rather text
instead of give them a ring
that leads to hurt people and
hurt people hurt people and
if we could help it
would we stop being sheeple?
we've become familiar with this
intoxicating life of
never thinking twice and
thinking you're above
but in "reality".. If it can even be called that
were all the same
whether or not we know the names
of the people that surround us
fact is, someone surely found us
and put us together for a reason
maybe we each represent a different season
that would make sense wouldn't it?

In the weirdness of things I burn-out my own will
Begun to suffocate the breathless breathing.
Slowly I’m becoming dead,
the strength I held is not my own.
I still go on, like everything
didn’t seems to matter anymore.

In the commotion of emotions,
Fear is like fuel to my fire –
A spark that kept me block.
Lock on my own isolation,
prisoner of my own dominion.

I wish for the star to shine,
Yet it won’t glow for me,
Unlucky.

© Pax

And when they come for me, they'll find a book titled all the ways I felt but was not supposed to.
I want you to cremate the book with me.


The world is strange, the people are stranger,
Everyone has a notion of how things should be,
And everyone knows how it should not
But maybe some things just are,
The sun rises, and it sets on its own accord
Maybe the way we need to be loved, is not within our control.

And how hard I tried to control my desires
But how do you escape what is trapped beneath your skin


People are strange, feelings are stranger,
I have spent my whole life trying not to need,
Until I stumbled upon you,
And I hope you understand it's not easy
To tear myself open for you to see,
In all the few glories I have had, and in my all vulnerabilities

And how hard I tried to not  let my coldness touch you,
While trying to remain unaffected by your warmth.

Pls, don't let these I love yous become the saddest words I uttered.