It's on the bottle,
On the lit cigarette,
The ***** sheets
And sweaty bodies
That are tangled
Within the emotional
Textiles and figures
That dance on the walls
With each passing car.

It's the cats piano
And the manic that follows.
It's the mouth that opens
And the sound that lingers.

The terms and conditions
Which form when entering into
A loft that isn't yours,
But someone else's.

It's chocolates and cigarettes,
Whiskey and
Of course
A solo sunrise.

Imagine a woman
Who walks with pride
Head held high
With secrets in her ears
And words in her mouth
She speaks with confidence
As if nothing was by her side
Who could hinder her thoughts
Or feelings

Imagine a woman
Who isn’t blinded by
What others think or feel
Shining brighter than those
Petty feelings

Imagine a woman
Who doesn’t chatter about the clutter
But creates compromises
Helping others
Being selfless

Imagine a woman
Shapeless and divine
Who doesn’t need others
To grow into a diverse human being

Imagine a woman
Who communicates with words
Using them like magic
To manipulate others
To bring chaos to her world
Subconsciously
Yet with purpose

Imagine a woman
Who holds so many secrets
If she was cut open
They would spill out
They would stare at you
Embarrassing

Imagine a woman
Who doesn’t understand death
And tries to defeat it
Using words

Imagine a woman
So powerful
She dances with death
Into existence
Through words

Imagine a woman
Who is so angry
She destroys death

Imagine a woman
Who is so sad
She buries death
With her

I have this announcer
In my head
Speaking through a mic
broadcasting my sensational endeavor
I decided to do that year
only to follow up half way
Because of manic episodes
Composed of unorganized perfection
And useless, jumbled words
That often didn’t make sense
But the announcer never failed
Using their echoing voice
Overpowering all other thoughts
Would debut some idea
Unfinished
Making me feel
infinite

why won't someone tell me
what they know
or is it all a show
I can't really tell
the spasms
touches of sarcasm
the flakes of fakes
like a self conscious woman
I follow you
blindly
i follow
but now i wallow
as your actions hit me
like a heart attack
maybe I am just being dramatic
It's a panic
shaken bones
my mind has grown
It's just a panic
a panic.

hollow inside
lucid body
lost
confused

goals emerge to
ensure fulfillment
relieve pain
ease anxiety

the sounds of mitigated speech
consumes you until you lose control of yourself.

I wish I knew
I wish I could figure out
at what point did I lose my mind?

It ticks
Like a bomb
Inside a cave
When it explodes
It only has one place to go
Out the way it came
With fast wind
Hot fire
And death
That follows

hopelessness in technology
the beginnings of melancholy
frantically searching the internet for answers
hidden away in the darkest places
I feel isolated in my own mind
I feel isolated in my own mind
who am I?

Too spun to know the sound of pain
But the notes are there
Everyone's feelings are different
Time is medicine
Among other clichés
But feelings should be humbled
Time as an hourglass
stretching across the desert
An eternity to heal
An eternity to forget
Needles to the skin
Lonely painted rooms
Yearning for attention
The house, an empty cardboard box
What alone really means
A golden shrine to kneel in front of
A stone to plant flowers
Bringing about memories
A slap on the face
Black and white movies
Tears
Humming an unknown tune
The taste of salt lingers
Presence no longer with us
I searched for traces of her existence
The voice
Gentle hands
I found her hoard of papers
Among them,
One I wrote
About how I cannot connect with family
stomach voided
wanting to connect with you
Chest tightens
I just didn't know how
And here it goes again