I* remember the feeling of waking up for nothing
The empty, gray taste everything had
How I'd stare off
Out windows
Or across streets
I remember walking to the river
And the grass not bending beneath my feet
The current wouldn't change nor stop for me
And I imagined it would always be this.
Having everything I had always wanted right in front of me and it not matter
I remember being stuck in the rain and not getting wet
Watching
Quietly accepting what was, and simultaneously not acknowledging what it meant.
It was comfortable, but now *I want control.