There's something about an empty tube carriage
Not even so late at night
That makes me think of stars
And lovers
And mostly loneliness
And the endless possibilities of humanity
It quietly fills as you sit and write this
And life continues;
The city breathes again
And so you just smile
Because you tasted a little of the infinite.

I'll sleep between your legs like its nothing.
mine part like waves
blood orange at the close
tangled roots of our desire
twisting vines, skin to skin
you taste
like warmth that i've been missing
like me when you kiss my neck
then me
sleeping in your eyes
your affected music soundtrack to my awakening
to life
to love
and heat.
You will forever have an imprint on this body.

This was the year that I learnt how to be silent.
Sometimes to allow others to speak.
Once because I was afraid.
Twice because my eyes were too full of the love in front of me to allow my lips to move.
Often because silence is solitude and I am lonely.
Every now and again because I was wary of what my voice would say.
Rarely because I was in awe but mostly because I am weary and to speak is to engage.

My willingness for you
Knows no bounds
They say love is knowing flaws but loving nonetheless
And it's true
Because you are certainly not flawless
But my willingness for you
To touch and taste and love
Is endless and beyond anything that I have ever known before.

The year passed by in a blur
Of stress
And crying
And joy and laughing
And all the moments that signify teenage years
Are coming to an end and adulthood approaches.
That the safe cocoon of youth
Is no longer big enough for us
And even starts to reject us a little.
There are key moments picked out in my mind
Nights of sleeping next you in that high room
Cold mornings of your smile as we opened the front door to the frost
Days with tea and toast and hot chocolate
As we sat, sweaty from the afternoon
And laughing at silly things that only we knew.
Endless mornings draw together where we all sat in that hall
Me just apart from you all
And listened to inspiration
Or not,
Depending on the day,
But still we sat together.
And that last night
So uneventful as we all went our separate ways to bed
And the next day as we all got drunk together
In the walls that before had encased our childhood
We laughed and smiled and cried
And thanked god
And each other
For all those spectacular sights
Those days that made us giddy with hope and friendship
Those nights that made us weep and ache
With the pain of one another
Oh it was so glorious and so strange and so perfect,
That no words can really cover how grateful I am
To all of you,
the shepherds of my youthfulness.

I am what I am and I am ugly
But that is ok
My life is meant for something other than to be looked at
And craved after by many
Although this too is noble in itself.
No, I am different, am other,
too loud and proud and caring.
I am meant for different things where
I sketch skyscapes with my words
And turn minds with my musings
And I don't need appreciation for the body that does it.
I have lumps and marks and redness
But my arms are strong for lifting
And my brain quick to change the things that I see fitting.
So, do not cry that you are ugly,
Be happy that you are, for you are made for different things
And different people too.

All that was left after you'd gone
Was a little bottle of scent
I'm not even sure that you were wearing it that night
It had been kicked under the bed that you gave me and my friend to sleep in
When another friend had forgotten.
But somehow
This little bottle made its way into my makeup bag
And I found it a week later
Took the cap off gently
- scared of stirring it
And raised it to my nose.
It smelled deeply of you
Warm and musky
Like your hair that night when my fingers were tangled in it,
Like your clothes in the morning when I turned to face you.
I don't know why but each night when I began to miss you
I'd roll some on my wrists like silk
And lie in my bed
And wait for you to come back to me.
I inhaled at my wrists as you had done at my neck
Remembered how you'd whispered
That you loved the way I smell.
I'd rub my wrists together
To get that warmth that I'd felt when I woke in your arms
Locked so tightly round me that I almost struggled for breath
And even though I haven't seen you in weeks
months
And even though I barely knew you
- just a few days
I still fall asleep every night with your scent on my arms
and the feeling of your love etched into my body.