She breathes into me
and relaxes back
and I think she might just be the greatest thing
That I've ever had.
fears others all
do not exist
I have made friends with the birds nesting above me
In my nights alone
When I am full of you
They murmur along
Nodding at the right parts
As I retell myself the story of us.
Our love was secret
I delighted at the hidden bits of you
that you were entrusting me with
We swallowed sunsets and mornings
Days of messages and small smiles
orbits speeding as we circled one another
I lay on her sofa
Gently waiting for her to be finished with her post-evening necessities
Checking her emails.
I smiled to myself,
With each wet chew of her bagel
Each soft sound of her tongue moving in that beautiful mouth
I imagined I was the bread
and she was eating me alive.
Why do I want to eat things that make me feel sick
Like a confused dog.
Why do I still want you when it hurts me like this
I went bed shopping with my mother
Watched her touch the fabrics and shake them out
Imagining how they’d keep her warm in her settled life.
And all I could think about was you
And how I was in your bed
And the furniture in your room
And the smell of your neck
And how I wished I could have made a room
Beautiful enough that you’d want to stay in it.
What am I supposed to do with myself
now that I don't even have the promise of you?
I need to be fed.