I used you
I used you so long that I broke you
I tried to forget about the pain in my chest
I tried to numb myself by chasing your love that was never meant for me
I know you might not forgive me
But-
I'm sorry.

"I am tired"
Yet I light the cigar again
"I am tired"
Yet I am five shots in again
"I am tired"
Yet I take another happy little pill too soon
I am starting to wonder what kind of tired I am

I go to order a drink to help me forget
As I look at the menu one catches my eye and all I can remember is what you were wearing when we first met
Samuel Adams printed across your chest
and now you're all I can remember when I'm trying so hard to forget.

I can still feel the way your arms wrapped around my waist as you hugged me in the kitchen looking down at me with the biggest smile on your face
But- I can also recall the feeling of how cold it was when you pulled them away so your friends wouldn't see us.
I wondered why you were ashamed of us
But- now I realize that you were just scared of being in love.

My favorite genre to read is fiction;
that's why I am always captivated by your eyes and enticed by your words.

I keep our memories as secrets from others but mostly importantly from myself.

They should really put a warning before spending a year of your time with someone that will never make you theirs.
A warning that ending it will be easy, but staying gone will be hard.
That your nights will feel different when you aren't wrapped in their sheets.
A warning that you'll still miss them even though they were never yours to begin with.