what a ******* waste,
everything today just lacks taste.
when i'm alone, at night
raging that internal fight,
i think about all things right
and i wish that i could take flight.
i want to travel the world, oceans
and get rid of those negative emotions.
i'm full of sadness, pain and negativity
i'm a human in captivity!
what a ******* waste,
i wish something had taste

the type of happiness that you don't feel,
so hopeful, content and full of dreams,
i know it cannot be real.

my eyes aren't my own, they're my mothers.
my hair is flat, tired and unkept. it's lifeless.
skin soaked with thoughts of what were,
bruised with memories that will never leave.
scars little each road of the epidermis, burned
deep and stained.
they don't make me ugly. no.
my emotions make me ugly. my sick, twisted mind
and the thoughts i shouldn't have. the thoughts i have.
tired, tired, tired bones that creak with each step into normality.
i've built a home inside my rib cage, carved out a prison.
internalized my thoughts. kicked people out.
just me. it's just me and my heart, as it shouts and screams.
my brain keeps me company at night, whispering its dreams and its desires. it tells me who i am, what i want.
but it never lets me sleep. not really.
i wake up so tired, so old and tired.
my heart is restless through the day, calling out for your ears.
it talks to you, talks about you. i'm poisoned. love's sweet kiss.
the kiss of death. ugly to the bones, i'm so ugly.

the curtains come up, lights blaring; audience watches as you spit your lines to the world. composed of those we know, the rows of seats are full of people who judge and deceit and it's more of a trial than a show. it's a script, each word careful to convey emotions that aren't real. you're not real. we're not real. this isn't real. you're acting, tears hidden behind a mask crafted through years and years of work, you don't want to give to give in yet. by act two you're tired, exhausted and ready to pack in. you stray from your lines, the director staring at you from backstage. you're not supposed to do that. you're supposed to spew the words from the page and bite back arguments. you're a puppet. feelings? not real. teardrops fall on your script, but they could be drops of liquor because you're drunk in the thought that you can escape. you can't. you're trapped. love holds you down, nails your heart to the stage. crucifixion before your very peers and they don't know your pain because it's just an act and you are an actor, acting out the things you've been told to say. the directions you are forced to follow. it's not real and neither are you, you repeat that as you fall asleep and it's on your tongue when you wake up. you wash your fash, using water to splash away the memories of what once was and what will never be again. when your teacher asks if you're religious you bite your tongue, holding back curses that god left us. we're alone and we're gone and we're sheep being hurled into a pen that was designed for convicts. we're criminals against mother nature, poisoning and polluting and killing life's lungs with our dreams that should have died long ago. when she asks, "are you happy?" i smile and i grit my teeth, forcing out words from a script i revised in my head. i'm happy and i'm fine and i'm real. the blood in my veins pumps faster and faster, emotions rising and falling with the beat of death's drums. are we alone? we're abandoned, a ship sailing the seas of uncertainty. we craft swords out of lies, anger, and betrayal and in the end, we plunge it through our own hearts. the curtain closes, end scene.

Sunflower Susan, you're a ray of kindness.
You help everyone, but your petals are wilting;
your yellow glow is fading and your stem is leaning.
Your campaign to help is now halting.

Sunflower Susan, grandmother, sister, aunt, mother,
you're falling apart now and it's hard for us all.

I feel angry. Saddened. Shocked.
Could this be history repeating itself? Cancer
rearing its ugly head to take another?
Sunflower Susan, you will keep growing.
You will keep strong, your stem never breaking.
Sunflower Susan, I have hope and faith that you
will survive. Sunflower Susan, please survive.

the sun rises every morning,
blessing the earth with another day.
the moon shines at night,
watching over us as we lay at rest.

the stars give us our dreams,
despite being millions of miles away.
they shoot, we wish upon them
and they smile down at us.

heaven is above us,
but hell's fire is what fuels us.
we run on sleepless slumber and we
keep fighting with broken swords.

we breathe until we no longer can,
our lungs heaving with the hope that we will
survive another day because we're human
and we were crafted to survive.