levi eden r: Poems

"how lucky i am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

levi eden r Feb 2019

"how lucky i am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

hold me.
i'll hold you too.
we can sit down and just talk,
about everything.
all the things that's bothering us and all the things we want to do or couldn't.
lets paint the future and make sure we're Both there to see it.

#poetry #support

how my day went

levi eden r Sep 2018

how my day went

sitting in my math, aching hand writing what ever the teacher was,
trying to catch and keep up.
"ok, now you guys do the next problem.",
i sat back and i blanked out.
i don't remember writing any of this,
i don't know what this means,
these numbers,
this page.
i forget where i am and who i am.
i try to ground myself but realize that i'm looking out the window for ten minutes.
i look down at my now shaking hands as the teacher goes over the question and moves on.
i look around,
my head turns and everything is in slow motion.
this can't be happening.
this is first period.
not even noon yet
and i realize i'm crying in my class.
my breathing gets heavier and i can't do anything.
i feel paralyzed and trapped inside my own mind.
i can't get out,
i can't help myself.
so i cry,
in class.
i cry silently then i leave.

i feel like it's all too much again

#poetry #depression

how simple

levi eden r Feb 2020

how simple

it's crazy.
you aren't here anymore, in my life i mean.
months ago, i would be so ******* sad about this fact but...
i'm okay, i'm really happy actually.
if this was still a few months ago, i would still be broken.
but i'm not.
i feel free.
i chose myself, again.
and this time for the long run.
i couldn't stay with how you played with my mind,
convincing me for favors,
making me feel bad for feeling,
making me feel bad for feeling sad because of what You say to me,
but not anymore.
i choose myself.
i'm free.

twt: @omw2you
ig: @awake6.23

i do tarot readings for $10!!!! dm for more info! cashapp only!

#poetry #relationship #ending #toxc #free

i always thought i would be okay

levi eden r Oct 2018

i always thought i would be okay

i didn't want her to hold me
because i knew what it meant.
she saw me crying and she wanted to hold me,
i couldn't wrap my arms around her.
by her embrace,
i knew it meant that she saw me falling apart and she was trying to hold me together,
to make feel better.
but i felt nothing but this ocean of sadness.
i didn't want her to hold me,
i wanted to tell her to let go but i couldn't even open my mouth.
i am far beyond repair.
i couldn't feel her touch.
oh how badly i wanted to breakdown in her arms,
fall down from my shaky knees,
and
cry.
oh how badly i just wanted to cry.
but i didn't.
i walked until she let go of me.
as we were about to part ways,
i looked up at her
with tear filled eyes and said goodbye.

#depression #poetry

i am aware

levi eden r Nov 2019

i am aware

you can't take it away from me.
i won.
i was strong and i won.

twitter : @omw2you

#poetry

i am here

levi eden r Jul 2018

i am here

i was told by many that i don't really write when i'm happy.
i've always shrugged off the comments but now that,
i can confidently say i'm getting to a place where i'm mentally and physically happy,
it's true.
for words don't flow out as smoothly.
i want to cherish these moments, feeling the warm sun on my skin and smiling so much my cheeks hurt.
i want to hold these moments close and these moments are hard to describe in words other than bluntly saying them.
i woke up this morning and the sun shining through my window felt like a hug,
i didn't want to disintegrate into my sheets anymore.
i looked in the mirror,
i'm obviously breaking out but it doesn't bother me.
for i've even called my constellations cute and i've accepted them.
eating is slowly starting to feel okay,
very slowly but surely.
do you understand now how i can't put these small things into poems?
they are just what they are,
beautiful.
and if i don't create because i am this way,
then so be it.
for the first time in my recovery,
i want to live in the moment.

#poetry #recovery

i came all this way with so much to say

levi eden r Jul 2018

i came all this way with so much to say

i can see the sun peaking its light through the cloud.
this sight made me feel like i was in a movie,
this sight hit me with warmth that radiated throughout my body.
i knew that in this moment,
i'm going to be okay when i'm not.
for i, moon, have learned to find happiness in the darkest days.
i hold my head up high and i'm learning to accept the bad feelings that come with bad days and no, i won't let it drown me anymore.
i'm okay.

as you can tell, i've been having brighter days lately.

#poetry #happiness #hope

i can still hear your voice in the wind.

levi eden r May 2018

i can still hear your voice in the wind.

what am i supposed to do without you?
the rain doesn't sound the same,
all i can see and hear is That day we lost you.
"please text me when you see everything that happened.",
i can't unread that text from my best friend,
i couldn't stand nor eat.
i didn't think i could live anymore without you.
what am i supposed to do now that i won't see you anymore?
sometimes i doubt that i ever felt your presence,

i feel alone.

i miss you with all my heart. there will never be a day where i doubt loving you. you were the best thing that's ever happened to me. you will always be my sun, my moon, my muse, my everything. i will forever miss you and will forever love you.

#poetry #grief #loss

i can't do this on my own

levi eden r Oct 2018

i can't do this on my own

the sky above didn't seem so beautiful anymore,
it was grey
all
the time,
it broke into pieces that fell on top of my head when i walked home school.
sometimes i would sit on the curb of my street,
wandering how many bandaids it'd take to fix the only thing that's been keeping breathing.

i can't do this on my own.
i've tried to fix my mind by myself for years and years and every time i think i'm getting better,
the thoughts and voices come back louder than last time.
i can't do this on my own.
mother, father, sister, brother, friends,
thank you for your endless love and warmth but
there are voices you can't silence,
there are wounds that i need someone to help me heal.
i can't do this on my own.

my head and sky continues to stay grey and gloomy.
i used to like this weather but as the air gets colder,
i both get excited to wear my autumn clothes and feel like the life has been ****** out of me
and i don't know why.
how could i be happy and sad at the same time?

it's been a while

#seasonal #depression #poetry

i can't do this on my own

levi eden r Aug 2018

i can't do this on my own

in some eyes, i may still be a kid.
in some eyes, i can take care of myself and i shouldn't be so anxious anymore.
but i am
and i don't know how to keep my hands from shaking.
for the future is so close and i keep pushing it away from me in fear of how i'll end up.

#poetry #fear #future

i closed my eyes so i could go to the farthest place possible

levi eden r Jul 2018

i closed my eyes so i could go to the farthest place possible

yesterday afternoon,
i closed my eyes for a long time.
it was silent and my head was busy,
it felt tiring looking at things,
so i closed my eyes.
in silence,
i went to the farthest place i could go.

i want to write a book

#poetry #silence

i couldn't care more

levi eden r Apr 2018

i couldn't care more

i started to pick out every outfit i wore to school based on who was in my class that day.
whether they know my name,
whether i don't know their name
or they don't know mine,
i couldn't care more.
i smiled a way where they would think i'm just someone else.
please look at me and think that i'm merely just someone else.

instagram // @introawake

#poetry

i don't want to be okay, i don't want to be here at all

levi eden r Jun 2018

i don't want to be okay, i don't want to be here at all

i wanted to be okay with everything.
i wanted to be okay with the fact that i outgrew you and how even though i bring myself to tears thinking about Us,
this was for the best.
i want to be okay with the morning sun and the rain,
i wanted to apologize all the times i spent looking at you with tears in my eyes or crying and yelling at you,
for you're here when no one else is
i should love you for that but can't yet.
i've hit rockbottom over and over again,
the fall is starting to hurt less.
i've shook hands with who i used to be,
letting them take over me so many times to the point where if i want to be in control i don't know how.
i don't know who i truly i am and that scares me.
the music made my ears ring and i wanted to disappear again.
i feel like i could fly away at any moment
and now,
i'm not scared if i do.
i swallowed the lump in my throat, hoping to get something out of it.
maybe i would be able to stand back up.
i can't.

i feel shame as i write sad things down. i'm sorry i couldn't have been happy for longer. i feel embarrassed for feeling this way again.

#poetry #sad #depression

i'd wait universes for you

levi eden r Feb 2019

i'd wait universes for you

you make me want to buy a camera and capture every moment we share together.
loving you feels warm and looks like those cheesy scenarios of couples drinking coffee in a cafe.
i could look at you for hours,
my smile not leaving my face.

#poetry #love

i feel insignificant

levi eden r Jun 2018

i feel insignificant

there was no other way to say it.
i'm merely just another blade of grass.
i was once told that i'm a background character in my own life,
since then i haven't really spoken the same,
since then i haven't really breathed the same.
i know it's the truth
and i know i do it to myself,
for my hobbies include trying to disappear and trying to mold myself into someone else.
there are times where i question if i was ever happy at all.
this growing sadness surrounds me and leaves me with dark circles and unwanted, racing thoughts.

i'm nothing

#poetry #sadness

i feel like i'm holding myself hostage

levi eden r May 2018

i feel like i'm holding myself hostage

and for a moment,
a day or two,
maybe if i'm lucky a week or two,
the sky opened in two.
deciding that they had to keep me alive just to break me down again,
they let me breathe.
i understood what everyone was talking out,
the flowers, the feeling of the sun's warmth on your skin, the light at the end of the tunnel,
i understood it all.
and in this moment i hugged death and thanked them for letting me breathe every once in a while.

#poetry #sad #stuck

i feel like nothing and everything at the same time, can someone explain this to me?

levi eden r Apr 2018

i feel like nothing and everything at the same time, can someone explain this to me?

this is me.
this is where i am.
sitting in the library instead of the cafeteria.
studying my *** off only to get an average grade.
friends that love me but i can't feel.
i can't feel.
i walk through the halls that seem like they glow like in my dreams,
some days my feet feel heavy and some days i walk on clouds.
i can feel my mind weighing me down when i run.
but i can't feel their love.
i've forgotten what it feels like to feel love.
i tell them i love them with every inch of my heart but i can't feel it most of the time.
i can feel their concern and uncertainty when i look at nothing and tell them i'm okay today,
that today was okay.

this is where "i chose to be".

instagram // @introawake

i read from one friend's post that "wherever you are in life, this is where you chose to be." and it got me thinking. i can't help but be the way i am. i know i have control of my life and all but it doesn't seem like it. i feel like i'm in the backseat of my own life most of the time. i just wanted to write something about it lol

#poetry

i feel like you don't want me here

levi eden r Aug 2018

i feel like you don't want me here

i could scream for hours on end and you still wouldn't look at me.
even in a room full of people, all corners of my heart feel empty.
it's gotten almost impossible to feel your words that have so much into them.
for me,
my heart and my soul and my body is tired of fighting.
there's blisters and bruises that cover my body from fighting demons that will always cling to my arms.
at the bottom of this well,
i can't see the sky that's given me hope.
there seems to be no light left and it's moments like these where i regret staying for this long,
it's moments like these where i'm positive that i shouldn't be here.

it always comes back

never leaves

#poetry #sadness #depression

i feel loved

levi eden r Jul 2018

i feel loved

for the first time in years,
i feel loved.
the gates of my heart opened and i feel the love of my friends and family again.
i feel reunited with myself.
i accept myself and all that comes with me.
the rain doesn't sound sad anymore.
i look forward to waking up,
even if i'm unproductive.
the tears soaking my eyelashes feels like love and happiness.

i feel so happy right now, i'm crying.

#poetry #happiness #acceptance

i feel sad tonight

levi eden r Jun 2018

i feel sad tonight

life is beautiful.
i've seen the sun and i've witnessed the universe hugging me.
i've cried over the beauty of flowers and the sky,
and you.
i've deleted every sad song and the scars on my heart feel like they're slowing fading.
but there's still storms sometimes and i don't know why they hit me so hard like ocean waves crashing on the shore.
i lay in bed,
tears running on the sides of my face,
i say your name into my room that seems to be closing in on me.
there are days where there is no strength in my bones to even sit up.
there are days where i can't breathe from all the pain that rises in my soul.
my chest echoes with every sob that's about everything and everyone.
life is beautiful but there's days where i can't even run from the storms and i don't know why.

#poetry #sad #depression

i feel your heart break, i feel your pain

levi eden r Aug 2019

i feel your heart break, i feel your pain

in just a small period of time,
you became my muse.
the type of muse that rips the bandaid off of your heart to finally write something,
to write anything.
the type of muse that makes everything hurt when you're alone and when it's just you, your thoughts, and your past.

instagram : @awake6.23

twitter: @introadrift

#poetry #muse #sadness

i feel your heart pain

levi eden r Jan 2020

i feel your heart pain

you came and left my life quicker than i could tell anyone that you felt like home.
i should've known that because you felt like home that things would be broken and imperfect,
yet i still loved you and loved us.

i can't forget the first time i heard your voice.
i describe the moment as a moment that can never be forgotten but i can't even remember what you said.
you just sounded like an angel and even before that day,
i knew i wanted to be yours, that maybe,
just maybe,
we were meant to be.
but hearing your voice felt like the universe confirmed it.

maybe it's stupid young love.
both of us only 18,
barely 18,
and so in love like we knew what it was and what it meant.
but it felt like we invented it.
they'll never understand the electricity and warmth that was sent through your fingertips to mine.

we talked about grocery shopping together, cooking together, living together, loving together, being together,
forever
as if we weren't in different universes,
different books.
because that's where things went wrong again.
that was the second error in Us.

one, you felt like home.
two, we were both in different universes.

twitter: @omw2you
instagram: @awake6.23

#poetry #love #universes #different #young #relationships #ending

i felt myself slipping away again

levi eden r Jan 2019

i felt myself slipping away again

i think i just needed to be alone with myself for a few minutes.
collect my thoughts and at the same time,
get out of my head.
i felt myself just slowly slipping away,
this feeling still feels familiar and uncomfortable.

#poetry

if i were to leave

levi eden r Apr 2018

if i were to leave

and they told me they understood,
but they don't.
they don't know but i can see the growing fear and concern in their eyes when i said
"mama i wanna die."
and if my last breath were today please know that no matter how much i planned for this day,
my death wasn't planned.
cause it comes and goes you see.
there's something,
someone,
hanging the want for life in front of my eyes and there are times where i desperately try to grasp it,
but dad i just can't anymore.
it's not your fault.

i couldn't feel your love even if you told me you loved me a million times.
i couldn't feel the euphoria i was supposed to feel when smiling or laughing anymore.
i'm sorry to keep breaking your heart but my mind was still made up even when recalling "the best day ever" to try to convince myself that this life is worth living.

cause it's not,
for me.
i knew since the day i was born that this was a mistake.
god, made a mistake.
i'm not supposed to be here,
at all.

so send me off peacefully.
clean out my room and move far far away and call it
"starting over".
i know it'll be impossible to forget your son,
your friend,
your brother,
but please,
try.

intstagram // @introawake

#poetry #sad #suicide

i hope one day, i can consider myself a writer

levi eden r Mar 2019

i hope one day, i can consider myself a writer

i always felt like i could write a book.
i'm not sure what i'd write about though.
i could write about how ****** i am because my parents,
or how awkward love is even when for adults,
or how, eventually, we all turn thirty and how it's scary that we spent so many years in school only to be thrown naked out into the world.

#poetry

i like ur voice, austin

levi eden r Jul 2019

i like ur voice, austin

i woke up from a bad dream and the first thing i thought of when i woke up was
the strong want of wanting to hear your voice.

#poetry

i'll be there soon, please wait for me

levi eden r Sep 2018

i'll be there soon, please wait for me

i've packed my bags and i'm coming to see you.
don't leave your seat or do anything without me,
i'll be there soon.
i closed my eyes and i can already see a world with Both of us on it again,
please wait for me.

#poetry #depression

i'll hug you when you feel like your world is ending

levi eden r Aug 2018

i'll hug you when you feel like your world is ending

don't leave.
my pain in your heart will not last forever.
i will love you so greatly that the touch of the sun on your cheek will make you forget.
even if it's for a moment,
lets forget.
close your eyes and imagine yourself happy,
imagine yourself in a meadow of flowers and love.
i promise you the world isn't dark.
put all your worry and sadness onto my shoulders if it's too much.
i would give the world to see you happy again,
to you smiling so much your cheeks hurt.
so
please don't leave.
the sky is beautiful and when it's your time, you'll become a star in it
but it's not your time right now.
you should be here,
they need you here,
i need you here.
there will be light again,
even if it's for a few days.
it'll remind you how colorful and wonderful this world is with you in it.
one day,
through all the bruises and scars,
you'll wake up and be happy you did.
please don't leave.

this is dedicated to the ones i love, myself, and anyone who feels like this life isn't worth living. there's so much beauty out there, please keep living to see it.

#poetry #hope

i'll meet you there

levi eden r Dec 2019

i'll meet you there

the sound of snow being stepped on reminds me of us.
i liked the times where we would sit on the park bench in the dark and listen to silence,
occasionally talking.
the moonlight that kissed your face made you even more beautiful that you already were.

twitter: @omw2you

#poetry #love

i'll never win, will i?

levi eden r May 2018

i'll never win, will i?

it was just that kind of day.
the kind of day where no matter what i did, it wasn't good enough.
the kind of day where i couldn't speak in fear of bursting out crying or laughing or both.

i set it all out in front of me.
books, papers, bracelets, drawings, notes, notebooks filled with diary entries,
i laid it all out in front of me.
looking at these things i felt myself getting smaller.
want to feel like nothing again?
close your eyes and you'll hear what they all said about you, like it's happening right now.

when i'm happy i sometimes forget how the scars on my ankles, thighs, and wrists got there.
three years,
then one,
then four months,
then none.
now i won't keep track but if i think hard enough it's been almost three years again.

then it turned into That kind of day,
everywhere i looked i could hear my parents fighting and even the floor looked like your eyes.
i listened to the songs that got me through it and i listened to the songs that made me feel okay with being small.

#poetry #sad

i'm afraid for what's to come

levi eden r Jul 2018

i'm afraid for what's to come

i'm afraid.
that might be an understatement to the constantly growing size of anxiety and worry in my stomach and mind.
"what are you even scared of? you're only -- years old, you have no reason to be afraid."
but i do!
there are answers to questions asked by parents, teachers, strangers, family, friends,
everyone, everyone is looking for answers that i can't give.
for i thought that living day by day was a good thing.
that's what they taught me,
that's what they all told me to do
but now they've set expectations once it looks like i'm on both my feet.
i'm afraid, mom and dad!!
i stopped planning because i thought i was going to die but i'm here now and i'm completely lost!
so please,
bear with me as i collect my pieces.

#poetry #lost

i'm crying

levi eden r Jan 2019

i'm crying

you were on the other side of the mirror,
our hands followed each other.
i wanted to reach in front of me for you.
your eye filled with sadness and emptiness.
i just wanted to hold you.
slowly and slowly,
you faded away.
my throat closed up and the tip of my nose stung when i could no longer see you.
please,
for once,
come back to me.
hold my hand and i'll tell you you'll be okay.
don't be far away.
now all i can do is share the moon with you.
who's holding your hand now?
who's comforting you when you feel alone?
please,
don't leave me alone.

inspired by i'm crying by taemin

#taemin #poetry #lost #love #shinee

i'm going to be like this forever, right?

levi eden r May 2018

i'm going to be like this forever, right?

i needed air,
i needed to breathe,
i needed someone to tell me that i'm okay and i don't need to feel so anxious every morning.
for i,
i feel like crying because i'm me,
because i'm here alone,
sitting with these demons that call themselves my friends,
my gods,
my saviors.
my breath hitched rereading these words,
i felt my heart clutch,
and my brain was exploding over and over again.
i need to breathe,
not even being outside can do that anymore.

#poetry #depression #hopelessness #sadness

i'm happy right now

levi eden r Jul 2018

i'm happy right now

flowers and bright and light and love,
so much love,
and the people that i would die for in less than a heartbeat.
so much love and smiles.
this dark room holds so much light that feels like hope when it touches my heart.
and you,
you are the stars and beautiful autumn days.
you are loving and living inside every action i do,
i do it all for you.
this life doesn't seem scary right now.
and this pearl aqua color that consumes the blood in my veins in the most beautiful way.
i'm alive and i'm breathing and in this moment,
there is no hurt.
in this moment,
there is no worry or fear of what's to come.
my life, right here, right now,
is flowers and aqua blue and love and warmth and life and
love.

#poetry #shinee #happiness

i'm here, you can cry now.

levi eden r Jul 2019

i'm here, you can cry now.

there's something about crying with someone.
both parties alone together sharing tears of pain or joy,
sharing the crusted and bottled emotions inside us.

thank you for being there when i couldn't hold it in anymore.
thank you for letting me hold you when your heart wasn't in good condition.

#poetry #emotions #crying #hugs

i miss you a lot tonight

levi eden r Oct 2018

i miss you a lot tonight

i felt it more tonight than the past few nights.
it was raining today,
looking outside the bus window,
it felt like you were still here.
for a while,
i convince myself you're still here with me,
with us.
i close my eyes and i can hear your voice again.
closing my eyes,
i can see yours,
they hold galaxies and universes inside them.
i try to swallow the lump in my throat,
closing my eyes tighter,
you're not here.
i'll see you again when it's my time but it feels so far away.
i want to hold you again,
i want you to tell me i did well like you always would.

i'll never forget about you j. i miss you with everything i have and i would give anything to see you again. please wait for me up there.
much love,
moon.

#poetry #grief

i miss you like crazy right now

levi eden r Aug 2018

i miss you like crazy right now

hearing your voice,
a lump form in my throat and seeing you smile makes the world still.
my heart aches at the realization, once again, that you're in the sky.
my moon,
my stars,
my sun,
my everything,
i hope you're well.

i've been asked by friends and others why i call myself moon and it's because of my friend. as you can see, i write about him all the time. he's my moon, before i sleep i can look outside and see him there. i write for him. this is for him. so that's why i'm moon.

#poetry

i'm my hope

levi eden r Oct 2019

i'm my hope

it doesn't matter how much i write about it or cry about it.
it's over and that's okay.
it's okay.
i will be okay.

twitter : @omw2you

#poetry #light #acceptance #moving #on #letting #go

i'm never going to get better

levi eden r Apr 2018

i'm never going to get better

i tried to tell them.
you don't understand how scared i was knocking on my counselor's door,
hands shaking,
knees numb,
on the verge of tears.
i couldn't do this anymore but i wanted to live,
i needed help.
for the first time,
i wanted to get better.
so i did it,
i knocked on the door of another with a ghost mind.
"i'm going to be healed. it's only up from here, i can feel it. things are going to get better."
i told her everything,
from my parents
to my siblings
to my friends
to how school drained me out to the point where i was numb.
she called my parents and my sisters and my brothers.
made me take a test to evaluate how sad i am.
she gave my mother papers of places to get help,
i did it.
i'm going to make it.
i'm going to see my graduation day.
i'm going to see my sisters and brothers get married.
i'm going to live.

but it didn't happen.
my family hugged me and for a few days there was hope,
there was talk of appointments.
but nothing.

a few days later, she told me that i should stay where i was,
my gpa was good and that's what mattered right?
it didn't matter if i've broke down while in class
or lashed out to teachers
or cried myself to sleep because of my class
or that this ******* class was one of the root that fed me my sadness,
right?

i found every paper given to my parents in the trash.
my siblings returned to their normal lives.
my counselor stopped seeing me.

it was like it never happened.

instagram // @introawake

#poetry #depression

i'm on your side

levi eden r Nov 2020

i'm on your side

four in the morning, the trees are breathing and i'm in sync.
took me forever to start liking the side of my face but i'm doing it.
the glow and the light that i see in my peripheral is a sign, it all feels like signs and this path i'm paving is mine.
the sun hasn't come up but i smell the morning air, it's a mix of grass and nostalgia and safety.
it's my mom waking me and my sisters up to go to my grandmas,
it's church camp,
it's garage sales and littlest pet shop and monster high and bratz.
took me forever to start just Being and Living but i'm doing it.
i've always liked the silence before we begin again, before we're born again.

#recovery #happy #happiness #poetry #poem #getting #better

i'm sorry but i saw flowers and sun when you wanted to see clouds and rain

levi eden r Apr 2018

i'm sorry but i saw flowers and sun when you wanted to see clouds and rain

i remember giving you the cutest nicknames in the world.
lovebug made you hold my hand and pull me close.
baby made you look into my sad eyes and smile.
apple pie made you say those three words that would save my life.

i remember holding your hand.
how your cheeks would turn the most beautiful rose pink.
how my heart would literally bang my chest to hold you too.

i remember how being around you felt like autumn in texas.
it reminded me of all the good times and how the times we spent together were 10 times better.

but it all fades you see,
slowly then all at once.
one day we woke up and you realized that for the past five years,
you want to stay behind,
in the past,
with every nightmare and empty cup of coffee was.

pulling my arm to stay behind too,
i couldn't.

looking back i would've done it differently.
i would've sat next to you and continued to burn pieces of my heart and soul for you to make light in the darkness you wanted to live in.

instagram // @introawake

#poetry

i'm used to holding it in, understand me

levi eden r Apr 2018

i'm used to holding it in, understand me

why do i miss you even when you're near?
i can't feel your hand when it's interlocked with mine
and looking up at you,
with lost puppy brown eyes,
find me.
please find me.
i've separated myself from reality so much that i can't seem to find my way back.
so please,
find me.
help me feel something again other this feeling of disquietude.
please find me and get me out of this,
what common would call a "funk"
but if you knew me well enough you would describe it as what it is,
darkness.
i'm waving my hands to people i can't see,
things i can't see.
in total surrender on my knees,

i need to see light again.

i'm currently in a good place so it's pieces like this where i'm just writing how i've felt before. but with this one, i do kinda feel like this. although i feel a type of happiness, this uneasy feeling at the pit of my stomach is always there reminding me that i'm completely lost.

#poetry #lost

i'm yours

levi eden r Apr 2018

i'm yours

the tears i felt run down my cheeks didn't feel real anymore.
every time i talked to you it felt like that last and i'm sorry that all i do is say i love you
but i can't say it enough.
i want you to know that you were always the one,
you'll always be the one.

#poetry

in need of words of encouragement

levi eden r Sep 2018

in need of words of encouragement

"it's okay.
grades don't mean everything.
you'll be okay, stop stressing out over small things that can be fixed.
it's okay to cry over nothing.
do you want a hug?
in a few years, this won't mean a thing.
breathe, deep breaths.
it's okay,
you'll be okay."

hi, i'm not feeling well and i wrote this because no one seems to be saying to me. so why not say it to myself?

#poetry

internally lost

levi eden r Sep 2019

internally lost

as i exhale, it seems almost as if my lungs shake,
making the breath that leaves me feel uncertain and foreign.
you'd think that since i've breathed like this for as long as i can remember that it'd become a home for me
but it's still not me,
something inside me tells me that something is wrong,
that the uneasiness of my breathe isn't normal.
i stared into nothing as i breathed like this,
my limbs would sometimes go numb and the world would move in slow motion,
sometimes my head would stop running thoughts
,and as much as i should,
i liked it.
i liked feeling nothing, the uneasiness of my breathe would somehow comfort me.
i could forget for 5 seconds and sometimes that was enough.

instagram // @heavenforecaster

#poetry #breathing #uneasy #lost #numb

in the process

levi eden r Aug 2018

in the process

there are still many things i have to do before i can say i'm free.
i have to let go.
let go of the people and moments and memories that keep me awake at night.
they aren't here anymore and i need to realize that.
i also have to forgive,
not only people in my life and past
but myself.
i can't keep beating myself down,
it hurts me and being my biggest bully isn't helping anyone.
i'm ready to love myself and accept my bruised past.
it doesn't hurt most days,
i need to let it heal.
life is different and i won't go back to that dark place when i have a bad day.
the flowers in my yard are growing again and the rain sounds beautiful to me again.
you don't know how long i've fought to be here,
writing and breathing to you.
i will be free.

i cried while writing this, i'm ready to heal and love.

#poetry #recovery

i promise

levi eden r Apr 2018

i promise

i just want to say that i'll be okay,
not only for your sake but also for mine.
for one day i'll wake up and my eyes will look the dark chocolate brown like when i was born,
untouched,
without scars.
for one day i promise you that i will go out with you,
outside and order my own food and eat with out counting the calories in my mind .
i'll be okay i promise.
this chemical imbalance or i'm a victim of circumstances,
but i promise you where i make it out alive or whether i get to That point,
i will die happy and at peace,
just like you wanted.
i just want you to know that i'll be okay.
i'll scare away my demons and all the dark clouds that hover over me and consume me,
i will let you love me without me second guessing those three words you say when you lovingly look into my eyes.
i will love you with it not feeling real.
i will feel real again, i promise.

i just want you to know that i'll be okay.

instagram // @introawake

#poetry

i registered my heart under your name

levi eden r Jul 2018

i registered my heart under your name

the trees danced in the wind,
their families of branches moving to the east.
it all looked like a computer image.
you know, those default computer homescreens?
so beautiful and they all look so far away yet so close.
and then there was you.
i could see your face rounding the corner,
the freckles on your lips made me forget how to walk.
you,
the way your nose scrunches up when you laugh and you close your eyes so tightly i feel like my heart is going to burst.
i want to sit on my porch with you on a fine autumn day.
we'd be cloud watching.
you'd be cloud watching and i'd be watching you.
wondering how in the world
we found each other.
you're my sea.

this is to everyone and no one.

#poetry #love

is okay to live like this?

levi eden r May 2018

is okay to live like this?

she told me to love myself like the way i love honey in my tea or the way love takes over me when i sing my favorite songs.

but i can't.

#self #love #poetry

i still don't know what love is, but i'm learning

levi eden r Feb 2019

i still don't know what love is, but i'm learning

the people that loved me before convinced me and told me that i was less than.
i repeated everything they told me until self respect and self love was like it never happened,
like i never had it.
i was broken down into dull pieces of myself,
they used me like people use pebbles to throw in bodies of water.
i didn't know what love was anymore.
this happened again recently,
once it all ended i told my friend,
"the way they talked to me just seemed normal,
i was used to it."
i didn't know that the knifes in my heart were supposed to hurt until i met Her,
she held my heart with care.
it felt warm with her.
how they treated me was Not love,
i know that now.

bad bad relationships

#poetry #love #bad #relationships