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In your absence,
I have turned
sadness into longing,
longing into solitude,
and solitude into Art.
With this, I have known
what I am
missing. You.
Until we meet again, dear old friend.
It is an ocean
And my little boat is weak and weary from the waves
Praying for some rain, and starlight
And a song to send me on my way

My friends are gone
Sailed off to fairer shores than mine
My map is dust
And home my compass cannot find
Unfinished
"What's the worst feeling you've ever experienced", she stared at her.

The girl cracks a smile and pulls back her caramel black hair, "My name is Kay by the way. It's not short for anything"

The girl blushes and puts her head down, "I'm sorry my manners seem to have disappeared. It's just that I've always wanted to have a serious intimate conversation with a stranger", she sighs.

Kay ***** her head and bites her lower lip. Looking at the beautiful girl with grey eyes. "Don't tell me your name then. Let's have that talk. I'll call you grey", Kay smiles exposing her pearly whites.
"I don't know what the worst feeling I've ever experienced could be really. I mean can we really compare each experience with the other?" Kay stares at the blue black sky.
"Each experience is traumatizing so can we really compare every traumatizing one with the other? Like they were all traumatizing but different from each they can't be compared", she closes her eyes as she allows the Sun rays to warm her face.

The girl looks at Kay admiring her carefree persona. She had some sort of atmosphere. It made the girl want to know her more, make her laugh and protect her? She furrowed her eyebrows and began to study her.
Kay had thin yet slightly full pink lips, she had a scar similar to Harry Potter which made her smile. She had an English nose and slightly pointy yet round ears. Kay opened her eyes and smirked. The girl lost her breath as she noticed Kay's honey eyes and began to clear her throat, "I uh I think unrequited love has to hurt the most", she bows her head.

Kay furrows her eyebrows in confusion, "How so?"

The girl scratches the back of her head, "We fall for someone and we love them with every bit of ourselves. In that process we lose ourselves by loving them but we gain parts of them from their love. However when the feeling can't be returned. We lose ourselves to someone who can't bear to lose themselves to us because they don't see us in that way. And it hurts because you know it yet you can't stop" she sighs.

"You can't stop loving that person. Loving them for all their wrongs and all their rights. For them simply being who they are. And sometimes you watch that very same person fall in love with someone else. And that part stings the most", she bows her head and clenches her fists.

"You wonder why not me. Why not fall in love with me", her voice breaks.

Kay looks at the girl with grey eyes intently and sighs. "You're really beautiful Grey", she immediately locks eyes with her and gives her a tight smile. "The truth about unrequited love is that there's always a third party you never know about. There's always that one person who watches you fall in love with someone that's not them. And to top it all off. The person you're in love with won't reciprocate your feelings. And it hurts. Watching the one you love, love someone else who isn't able to love them back. Talk about double unrequited love", she laughs.

"But then again there's this theory about unrequited love", her smile widens.
The girl with grey eyes furrows her eyebrows and scrunches her nose, "There is?". Kay giggles, causing goosebumps to show on Grey.
"No love is lost Grey", Kay stands up. Dusts her skin tight ripped black jeans.
"It's not unrequited forever", she gives Grey one last smile, exposing her pearly whites and dimples.
My heart can not lie and say your are the one.
But I can not seem to remember how I got to loving you.

So can we please start over ?

Can you romance me all over again so I can feel the moment I fell in love with you ?
Can you write me poems again so I remember the feeling of losing my breath at the emotions they brought ?
Will you whisper those sweet words that held together the shattering glass I had become and through their utterance I could feel your heart ?
Can those long late night conversations and phone calls come to life again ? Cause I miss the smile I held while falling asleep and the sense of hope and love you brought to my world of loneliness.

Don't misintepret me when I say it all seems to be a distant memory.
What I feel is real but
A point came in my life where detachment became a way to cope.
Even in loving you I was not really there.

Perhaps I was running away from the constant pang of unworthiness that my heart beat had become ? The skeletons which kept me up at night ?
Or just the mere fear of finding something so real because I tends to "exude the illusions of perfect, yet I fail to commit. I seem to ruin anything good going for me".

But give me a chance.
Can we start over cause my heart says you're the one.
Be mine perhaps ?
"Today's the day I walk away" I tell myself as I drive to work.
"Let it be over, and be happy" I repeat to myself.

I say these things to convince myself not to think of her, so i dont spend every waking second checking my phone for a lousy text from her, like It would be my honor to receive a reply.

"**** um, I dont care, I am happy" as I get half way though my depressing work day.

No text, still. It's about 30 minutes to punch out and im finally over her, iv accepted her not responding and by this time im so ****** that if she did respond, I wont even bother with it.

            PUNCH

I walk out the door to my car

vib vib  vib vib
             Check
"hey wanna come over?"

And like the ******* I am, I don't even think twice about it, I rush home to change, I rush over to see her.

Shes like my drug dealer, she knows how to cheer me up with any one of her moods as if they were a drug.

Problem is, after I leave I want more and more, and become more disappointed than I was before.

"Please just let it be over..." as I drive home to collect my thoughts and depression sinks in more. God im too stubborn to walk away.
No amount of poems,
no amount of words,
could ever accurately describe how I feel.
It's like part of me has died,
and it can't be recovered.
Another wall has been built to protect myself,
and more smiles are being faked to make things okay again.
My heart has been broken beyond repair.
I know I will never be the same again.
I find it rather interesting
that my heart
still considers you
a person
of
interest
especially when your actions
clearly show
that you are no longer
interest.
they say
what doesn't **** you
makes you Stronger
but
the pain lasts and the
blood-pump grows weary,
A heavy
heart is quite the burden
and shoulders only hold
so much..
but,
for as long
as the sun
shines there will be
brightness
The tough times
Are balanced
By good times too
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