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Apr 2020 · 110
i’m just trying to speak
but it always comes out

S̜̠͐ ̙ͭ̌T̶ͭͣ ̪Ų̴̦͌̿ ̣̄̇̌ͯ͜T̹̒ ̡̫͆T ̹ͨĚ̖͎͢ ̼̭ͬͯ̎̿̂͗̿R̤̖͙͐̔͏̘̊ ̮̔̀̀Ẻ̡̢̼͓̱̐̊́ ̪̣̮̓̊ͬͤ͝D͘
Apr 2020 · 102
her name always sparks something.
a song,
a thought,
a conversaton.

but sometimes just thinking about her makes me panic.
this could be sooooo many people
Apr 2020 · 83
i want you
laying in bed,
staring at my empty hand
i just wish you were here
to hug me, and hold me
we may laugh,
we may cry
but either way,
we don’t mind
but now i’m hanging on empty hope
that i’ll hold you again
Apr 2020 · 77
whoa according to a sudden realization i just had i have no shame or anxiety when im sad ic ried and im sleep deprived so bedt time for me to vent? riht mnow!
Apr 2020 · 95
lol ik i was having depresso hours but i just saw a really funny tumblr post and now i feel better still wanna die but i feel better
Apr 2020 · 93
i’m a little sad rn ngl
she can’t ******* love you back, you’re a good for nothing, useless ******* *****! why in all hell would someone as good as her ever ******* love you. useless pig.

why are you thinking about her again, you’re the villain in this story. stop feeling pity for yourself, you’d forgive her if she wanted it.

she won’t die, it’ll be okay. but what if she dies in her sleep and can’t ever say goodnight to you guys again, or i love you, or-

you can’t take back what you’ve said! they won’t forgive you, no matter how many times you say “i’m sorry,” or “it’s not your fault!” or “she was just there for me when you weren’t” or some ****. no one’s gonna forgive you! they won’t forgive you because you. don’t. deserve it. and they hate you, everyone else does. sensitive, insensitive *****.

i want to throw up. i need to throw up. it’s so big, your stomach? wow, you probably gained 10 pounds today! what are you now, 30 pounds overweight then? you’re just dense, right? well, maybe personality wise, but physically? you’re just fat! what muscle? that’s probably a tumor, maybe get that checked out cuz whoa, a kid like you would NEVER have muscles, like, how?!

but i can’t let any of this get to me, because i’ve been the happy one! the one that has to help them, that feels it their duty to help and make everyone happy even if i’m not, so stop crying, stop feeling, unless it’s happy tears or happiness. you can do it! now do it.
don’t tell anyone ;)
Apr 2020 · 94
bedtime blues
everybody’s got it worse,
you crying, smelly pig
keep screaming til your voice is hoarse
or you’ve snapped like a twig

she won’t die, you’re just scared
but what if you’re not?

what the ****, are you crying again?!

******* what was this for
dont worry im fine
Mar 2020 · 70
you're not even gone yet
but i miss you
i'll spend as much time with you as i can
before you are
Feb 2020 · 75
Us Odd Ones
long discussions on who's better
i need to shower,
leave you hanging
you're the only voice i love to hear
and i love to listen to your singing
we're oddballs
dumb dumbs, too
you're a sweet one, though,
and you're really **** soft
your face is so pretty
jesus ******* christ i wanna kiss you-
okokokok this was supposed to be serious but jenny if you see this, i want to kiss you please-
Feb 2020 · 64
gonna- gonna *******-
stab a *****
sigrid what the ****
you said we werent friends
so why
are you taking your ex's place
when he isnt here
Feb 2020 · 62
jenny to me pt. 1
me: i'm gonna die in three years anyway, what's the difference?
her: you don't know that.
me: still might.
her: we can't be a married couple if you're dead!!
Feb 2020 · 70
My Hero~
Dear, you’re looking better every day
And hey, I’m begging for ya on my knees
You’re a darling, beauty, super girl
The only superhero I need

Not the slightest average,
I’m a simple civilian
I’m gazin’ up from the streets
As you beat up the supervillain

I catch your eye as you fly down from the sky
You’re smilin’, but no one says “thanks”

I approach you and say “Hi,
You’re a huge influence of mine.
I wanna be like you someday.
It’s your present I pine.”

Your smile droops but that’s alright.
You sigh and say,
“I wish I was more like you.
Livin’ the life of a civilian.
Not chasin’ any villains.
Wishin’ I was more like you.”

Even if one day you give up,
You’ll still be my hero for this day.
I still hope you never give up,
And again, one day,
You’ll look my way.
For: you know who. (It's Jenny)
Feb 2020 · 86
"you're not okay"
Yeah, but I'm fine, right?
Just ruining everybody's day after the last light.
I'm working on improving myself.
Whether that's the result of a mental breakdown or not,
I don't know.
But, it's something.
And you guys help a lot!
You try to, at least.
Thanks to you, it's harder to give in.
Easier to fight back.
Feb 2020 · 85
i need
i need you to hold my hands
so i don't hurt myself worse
i twisted my thigh
i near stabbed my hand
i can't
s t o p
i need
your help
Feb 2020 · 60
wouldn't it be funny
if i overdosed on pills?
left everyone i love alone
no one put in my will
a greedy *****,
all from day one
going dead without a hitch,
her face repeatedly slapped by the sun
it's unpleasant
light, i mean
i don't understand what i meant
i physically can't come clean
panic panic
late at night
make me feel
manic manic
every night
Feb 2020 · 69
yes another one bitch
You have my heart
Held firmly in your grasp
Dear, you’re a work of art
And I **** hope we last

Thinking of you,
I laugh and smile
Do you have a clue
How much I love you?
For: Jenny Thoma
Feb 2020 · 60
next step: tongue

i made out with my girlfriend
Feb 2020 · 76
For everything
and nothing
Having happiness,
Feeling sadness,
are not things you like
Leaving you
For someone else
Cuz she's better
I'm sorry
For everything
and nothing.
Feb 2020 · 85
i'm sitting without you
and what am i to do
when my sweatshirt smells like you
but you're not even there?
For: Jenny )))):
Feb 2020 · 75
feeling most lonely
without you
sorry i said it, love
but being without you
is lonelier than being forgotten alone
For: Jenny Thoma
Feb 2020 · 111
lashing out a cry for help,
i'll sadly sit and cry.
                              sobbing more
                                                          without a reason why.
happy cry, happy cry, happy cry
maybe i'll just sob my "happiness" out
happy cry, happy cry, happy cry
i'll comfort myself without making a sound
Feb 2020 · 107
Still Love You
You could be as selfish as you want
And I'd still love you...
You could put me last,
After everything else
And I'd still stay by your side.
For: Jenny Thoma
isn't that lowkey abuse tho ok maybe i shouldn't stay if you do that but i mean you wouldn't so-
Feb 2020 · 118
Bad Stress
I took it out on you
Drama’s tearing us apart
But, this story isn’t new
And I know I’m not that smart

I can’t even use words
To show how wonderful you are
I hope I don’t use fists instead
It’d send the wrong message

I’m sorry for hurting you
On all my stupid days
But, I don’t have a clue
To really say sorry.
For: Jenny Thoma
Jan 2020 · 51
then i started crying
Maybe if i let myself cry these feelings would go away
but i’m just a stupid kid with too much to say
i’ll hide myself,
i’ll hate myself,
no one believes me when i say i sobbed, anyway
for: i don’t know anymore
Jan 2020 · 59
when you can’t make yourself ***** in public so you instead eat something you’re allergic to ****** mint but it wasn’t mint it was shrimp
You **** and **** and ****, expecting more and you know there is but you can’t reach it, no matter how hard you try.
Jan 2020 · 428
Just For Him
Breakup with you just for him.
Get back with him
just for him.
I’ll make myself do dumb ****
just for him.
But, she’s the only one I want.
I don’t wanna do any of that.
i’m gonna develop bulimia and anorexia again because i don’t know what to do, too many problems, projects, people; i’ll land myself in the hospital soon enough and gladly let father death take me.
Jan 2020 · 180
You, sir, are a big dunce
I thought you'd learn your lesson after saying it once
We believed you would watch your mouth
But no, seems our help has gone South
For: Michael Andersen
What'd we saaaaaaay
Jan 2020 · 117
~You’re Lovely~
You’re lovely,
and loving,
and I really wanna kiss you.
Is that too straight forward?
Is this too fast?
I think I just made a mistake.
For: Jenny Thoma
love you
Jan 2020 · 132
Like You
Your sweatshirt smells like you
My bedsheets smelled like you
My blanket smelled like you
You know that I like you <3

Your ring reminds me of you
Your sweatshirt obviously reminds me of you
Some songs remind me of you
Plenty of things remind me of you <3

From green to blue,
It reminds me of you
I hope my sweatshirt
Reminds you of me, too <3
For: Jenny Thoma
I love you *****
Jan 2020 · 137
You and Me
You write uh... good.
Even gooder than me.
Er- Better?
You make me lose my words,
Especially when thinking about you.
Maybe I can’t draw you,
But I can write.
And in my mind, I picture:
You and me.
For: Jenny Thoma
Jan 2020 · 98
I sound creepy
“I miss you, i’m sleeping with your sweatshirt”
“I miss you still and it’s been like 2 hours”
“It smells like you and makes me sad :(“
Jenny, it’s not too late to call us off
For: Jenny Thoma
Jan 2020 · 91
Not Too Late
Not too late to call it quits,
We haven’t even had our first kiss yet
You can dump me, it’s cool
But, how will we handle it at school?
For: Jenny Thoma
Jan 2020 · 690
Like Like
I don’t just like you for your face
Though, maybe that’s a plus
I like you for you
Just being that is enough
For: Jenny Thoma
I love you <3
Jan 2020 · 100
Dreaming Reality
At first,
You were a dream.
A dream I couldn’t keep,
And I couldn’t make reality.
Months later,
You said you liked me, too.
And my heart did twirls!
I love you,
Maybe a bit too much.
For: Jenny Thoma
Jan 2020 · 503
In Your Sweatshirt's Arms
I’m smiling in your arms
I happily sink into you
You’re really comfy,
And ridiculously soft
Maybe I’ll just sleep here,
In your sweatshirt’s arms
For: Jenny Thoma
Jan 2020 · 301
for u <3
violets are violet
roses are red
i slept best
when you were in my bed <3
For: Jenny Thoma uwu
Jan 2020 · 159
h u r t
i’m hurting myself
in all the right ways
don’t care about my health
it’s stupid, anyways

give me a sign
that i’m not right
maybe then i’ll end
this tragically long fight
maybe it’s not good, trying to get better, though. it’s just how i’ve felt today.
Jan 2020 · 51
girl crush
i get depressed when you don’t call
but i get butterflies when you do
there’s so many words i have for you
but i can only use so few

i love when you say my name
i wouldn’t like it any other way
i have a special smile made just for you
but, you haven’t got a clue

i love to talk to you all night and day
i love to hear what you have to say
i’d follow you for all eternity
even if we’re kept in secret

oh my, dear, i love you, so
but, there’s so much that you don’t know
like, how i’ve lied
about how i didn’t cry

i’ve liked you from the start
and i knew that we wouldn’t be smart
but i’m dumb,
and now, numb
but i’ll still love you forever
For: Jenny Thoma
“they’re a fool for not liking you back? remember when you told me that? well, whoever you like is a fool for not liking you back. hah! see how it feels?”
“whoever said that to you, in your nightmare, that they hated you, they can’t! you’re so cool and awesome, no one could hate you!”
jenny, both were you
Jan 2020 · 239
back again
and then life changed,
fast as the flick of a wrist
all that was, suddenly wasn’t
and i suddenly didn’t
e x i s t.
For: Sigrid Mathiesen, Huxley Densen, Jenny Thoma
Jan 2020 · 115
You’re so close to letting it out.
And I’m the only one around.
Just snap at me already,
I deserve it anyway.
For: Jenny Thoma, Huxley Densen
Jan 2020 · 384
B = A
Anorexia, bulimia, what difference does it make
When they're both coming out of my mouth like a big mistake?
Vile bile comes out of my mouth,
Pouring out like monsters screaming, "GET OUT!"
Maybe I developed B from A,
Both leaving me with nothing good to say.

The doctor said it wasn't healthy, my weight loss.
I told her it was just from vacation.
I told her I was just worried over nothing,
She gave me a hug and said she'd listen.
But, I didn't tell her anything.
No such white lies.

Just thinking about food makes me wanna *****.
Thinking about ***** makes me wanna do it.
So I do,
And I tried to get better.
Hell, did I try.
But I ******* can't.
And I'm sorry.
For: Jenny Thoma, Huxley Densen
Jan 2020 · 44
Vile and bile
What's the difference?
They both taste the same in my mouth.
For: Jenny Thoma
Jan 2020 · 45
i'm a maniacal insomniac
and i don't ******* know how to act
you ask if i'm the brains or brawns,
but it's innocence i ******* lack

hacking, coughing, left and right
i'm vomiting up blood all night
bile and last night's spaghetti shows up
like little worms, it's a ******* sight

maybe i'm sick
or you're just being a ******* ****
i say i'm fine
is that a crime?
i'm just running out of time...
For: Huxley Densen, Jenny Thoma, Sigrid Mathiesen, Alistair Cadger
Jan 2020 · 45
'so why should i?'
'take care of yourself better, sis'
'c'mon, lovi, eat more than one, for mom?'
'****, i'm sorry- i made you feel worse, ****...'
'no, no it's fine, lovi'
but i won't.
maybe if you paid more attention i-
i wouldn't be destroying myself inside and out.
For: Jenny Thoma
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