Rumi once said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.

Life

Hurt people hurt people ...

The realization of it is the brutal part.

Letting go is the hardest part ....

To know when ?

Is the answer

Your heart still dwells on.

I have everything.
   But yet I feel so
                              **Alone

Insomnia lurks within my mind.Pain hovers over my heart. Will my soul ever be happy again.

All I ever wanted was to be happy.
It was stripped by the demon under my soul.
All I ever wanted to be beautiful,
It was stripped by the words that my mind control.
All I ever wanted to do is scream happiness
But my tears overruled.
All I ever wanted was to be accepted.
But....
I could not let go of the lies my lips spoke
I didn't let my heart demand success
I always victimized myself.
I say change , but what is change when I am blindly impaired to what is hope?
I am more than the world sees me.
I am Nicole Joann Corea
I wanted to be strong through the dark tunnels.
Light will illuminate, I will sing through the somber moments.
Ignite my dormant motivation.
Let there be no more I can't or excuses
I have come far, I survived.
I am beautiful
I am smart
I am capable
I love me
I discover, I am and always be
Nicole Joann Corea

There's a leak in my heart,
Spewing out blood imprinting onto the carpet.
Can someone clean up this mess
Exhilarating pain sped through my body,
There's a leak in my soul,
Flooding the carpet with flames .
Can someone clean up this mess

**Someone save me please

There's a monster in my heart.
Caged and extremely angry.
Unleashing itself every full moon
To commit love atrocities.

My sense of vocabulary spoke
like how a serial killer would
do to intrigued each of its victims

love atrocities

Bringing them just very close,
Then ....

tsk tsk tsk

Shattered hearts
emerged from dark alleys.
Those who dare to come in ,
Welcome themselves for a heartbreak .
They were all alive marching in,
But marching out dead ...
Lingering lifeless
Pondering onwhat tools
can they use to fight .
To fight my red deviant beast.

Who could ever possess my intoxicating red beating beast?

There's a monster in my heart.
Caged and extremely angry.
Unleashing itself every full moon
To commit love atrocities

No one seems to have the secret code.
To unlocked these electrified bar wires
That surround around each blood vessel
Of my beating red beast.

No one can solve this mysterious case.
Many have come close..
But so many souls have vanished through the chambers of my vile heart.

There's a monster in my heart.
Caged and extremely angry.
Unleashing itself every full moon
To commit love atrocities.

You looked beyond my hideous smile.
A smile with a history of broken scars.
I was living under a world where there
Was no love , no sanity of the mind.
Broken patches on my veins .
Hard to sewn , hard to rebuild .
But you stayed....

My heart was in debt , you stayed.
To pay what was lost , to gain its strength.
I was unfixable ,so I believed.
But the truth sank with your touch.
Your touch deposit little wires
To make my dormant heart reignite
With the fire it once reigned.
I could be rebuild .
You stayed

You look beyond my almond eyes .
There were tremendous waves of memories.
I was looking at a world with love tragedies.
Right in front of me , you made me believe.
Rebuild my eyes , to quit being blindly impaired.
You stayed

You tasted my pink subtle lips ,
Your mouth tasted a mouth full
of broken stories to share .
With every taste, I was sinking in my own spit.
Ruptured taste .
Easily to fix with your love.
You stayed

Round and round of long night
Endearing my pain , my broken heart
You taught me to be sane.
You rebuild my cracks
Reconstruction my pavements.

I fell in love with you over and over
Because you stayed through it all
I stayed to learn your flaws .
Who knew you were so close
But in reality so far ....
I still stayed

Through the nights where you found yourself afraid , I stayed .
I was the courage light.
Through the nights where you found still unable to breathe.
I was your oxygen.
Through the nights you need someone ,
I was your muse.
I loved you more than I loved myself.
You rebuild me to become the person
I should have always been .


Only to know you came to fix me .
Only to fix me in order
To be sane for the
Love I truly deserve .
I really want to ****** you with the
Shattered pieces of my heart.
Mourn your silhouette,
I only say this because you made me
See for my own kind .
I can't hate you for that , or depise you.
I looked at the mirror and see
What I am capable of ,
and how hard I can love.

And any one who is lucky to replace you
Will live in world where there is love .
Where my eyes will see hearts .
Where my heart will beat endlessly for him.
Where my lips will taste heroism.

Thank you for rebuilding me for the future.

I was a caterpillar ,
before I became a butterfly .
The pain I had to endure in order to transform into the beauty I am today .
This is my tale .

In the forest there was,
My cocoon wrapped in the finest silk,
With a power to live in a colorful world.
To dream and conquer goals.
A Vivacious soul spinning in the purest silk
Growing and maturing as I spun.
Wishing for freedom with my beautiful wings,
Counting the days to be free and soar
as a lively butterfly
until
You winded into my community
Lured my queen and her uneven monarch.
Tempted to sabotage my purity.
For that you,
Lured yourself into my vulernable cocoon
with that trust,
you decided to disrupt my process.
How can one man ruin my nesting site?
And I had faith in you ,
to be a figure
I never had.
I wanted.
My heart ached for it.
I needed it.
To be loved .
To be nurtured.
To never be like those stray dogs
looking for a home.
This was the moment .
Where....
Innocence stripped, heart captured.
My Freedom gone.
You were naive to comprehend
On what you were doing...
You would stab my cocoon
with your sickening poison .
Over and over you stabbed .
Ruptured the veins of my innocence .
To break my finest silk .
Purity banished.
Stabbing your poison was
Making my cocoon
useless ,
worthless ,
unwanted,
colorless,
I tried to run and I tried to scream
but I was devoured by this poison
It was the love I deserve.
Couldn't escape , numb to the pain
For every poison injected, I began to
Question God?
Where was he ?
when I shed out a tear of help.
Where was he?
when my cocoon was destroyed.
Was I loved God?
when I muffled help in your name.
I hated myself ,
I stay in my cocoon
afraid to see my future.
I wasn't going to be a beautiful butterfly
Battered Butterfly
My life seemed to be colorless
No one wants a battered butterfly
My life....
It seemed it had ended
when poison sunk onto my helpless body .
No one wants a battered butterfly
Imprisoned to these chains.
Being poisoned every night by different
Predators.
Oh God....
Those predators ...
Battered lifeless little butterfly
Was I ever loved in my nesting site?
But then again nobody loves a battered butterfly
How can I reach to heaven when
I was worthless.
Believed I was a vile *****.
Tricked into a poison of hell.
Battered Ugly Butterfly
***** Little butterfly.
There was no light in tunnel
There was no holes in my silk
To escape this poisonous nest.
Why?
Because I believe nobody wants save a battered butterfly
How can the man I trusted ruined me.
I thought you could be the one to complete my lovely monarch .
To complete the missing piece.
But you continued to misuse me.
To haunt me.
To barricade my heart
To own my soul
But one thing I can truly say
You never once won over me.
You never imprinted my change.
I endured your pain
That was a sign of God
To show me what strength I am capable of.
That was the light that I found,
You had no control to inflict pain anymore.
Because I became impervious to your pain.


I am a beautiful butterfly
reigning over my monarch
with no thought of you.
**That is my freedom

The Year Of Black
Black Poison Lingers...
through every vein of my body.
Black Thoughts....
Clotting my soul into death.
Black Habits....
Unable to escape this coffin
Sufficiently I am able to breathe
Black Roses Black Petals ...
Surrounding my hearty ice chest.
Waiting , Longing To Be Desired.
To be unconditionally loved.
For who I am , For what I hate to be.
Someone uncover the black veil that haunts my body.....

There's a tree that rest in middle of forest. 
A beautiful evergreen tree  
Just as shiny and precious as a Jade.
 May all the seasons change ,
Let it rain ,storm, snow, and shine.
 The beautiful evergreen tree still
Stands just as shiny as a full moon
on a midsummer night.
It's so astonishing to glare.
This rare Evergreen Tree .

A beautiful Blue Jay Bird
An striking blue bird colored like the ocean .
Fierce bird as the tormenting waves .
A bird call of heaven
 So sweet , adorable
    Migrating to post to post.
   The blue jay sway into
    The evergreen tree.
    It tweeted on its delicate branch.
A beautiful humming tune , sound of the heavens
  Slowly it cured the tiny imperfections
             that linger around the tree.

             An impeccable romance

             A beautiful bond establish.
               May the seasons change .
Thunderstorm, Snow, Hurricanes ,Tsunami 
The evergreen tree will glow sanely
Under the moonlight always waiting
for the Blue Jay to visit
To listen for the humming tune of a romance
Under the deep moonlight on a midsummer night

          **Blue Jay & Evergreen Tree

Writers block is not something I need right now

I lost myself as I climb the edge of mountain.
A beautiful Inspiration point, try reaching for the silhouette where you once stood waiting for me. I cried till I reached the edge of this cliff , your heart was hidden behind the clouds . I do whatever it takes to hold your hand back into the sun. I don't mind dancing around shadows till we find our breakthrough.

Breathe it all in love some mind
Set it off your fiber fall
Leaves an hole in rough your mind

solo sunrise by Chet faker

I lost myself like the way my silhouette loses itself in the darkest shadows.
About two limbs have been decapitated.
Two more limbs within the minutes.
My heart tries to move a step ,
But I am restrained.
God only knows , I love you
Reaching for cloud 9.
There's no ending to a rising cloud.
Heat trickles waves,
causing me to lose my embracing hands.
What am I going to achieve?
Turn my head into the other direction  ,
I look forward into mist.
Dreaming is a beautiful fantasy.
A wishful reality..
I feel you , but yet your rising star
There's no stop to a moonlight shimmering.
God only knows I love you.
What am I going to achieve?
As I dream , they become nightmares.
Memories becomes a ticking clock.
Sorrowful sacredness silence formed.
As the walk began to nowhere .
There's no cure for heartache.
God only knows I love you.
As well he knows what he is teaching.
Although there's no way to get inside a stubborn soul.
What am I going to achieve?

"You're strong.
You're going to get out of this dark cloud
With some tears
Or
No Tears at all.
But when you recover
You will be okay Corea."

12:31 am
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,
Where Are My True Dreams?
I Feel A Lightness In My Chest As I Hear  
Stray Dogs Howling To The Somber Tunes,
Underneath The Blue Moon.
As I Walk Through The Dark Alleyways , I Wonder , If I Pray To The Devil .
Will He Make My Heart Ignite Into Forbidden Flames?
Will He Send My Soul Into A Empire Of Evilness, Please Mr. Devil,
Can I Beg You Devil To Fill My Emptiness With Your Demonic Blood . Your Demonic Kiss.
Never Let The Morning Wake .
Devour Your Demonic Lips Into My Flesh **** The Agony Out Of My Heart .  
I Want It All.
I Know The Dangers I Am Wishing For .
Mr. Devil , I Am A Hard Soul To Save By God.
I Have Tremendous
Waves Crashing Against My Skin .
Maybe I Am Supposed To Be Your Daughter.
Please Mr. Devil Let Me Sway With You.
I Want To Feel Lifeless ...
Fickle Flames Lash Towards My Heart.
Underneath The Blue Moon ,
Stray Dogs Howling To Somber Tunes.
In The Dark Alleyways,
I Watched Myself In A Distance.
I Can Feel My Soul Burning ,
Slowly.
Slowly Disappearing.
Reincarnating Into Black Butterfly .

Wings Of Black Soared
Underneath The Red Moon
Where Wolves Howl To Their Somber Tunes.

Alcohol helps with motivation to do things you can't sober.

These words sink into every shattered glass I drink , my hands tremble with bleeding cuts.
Bleeding sweats over my temple raging every demonic thoughts of where I can succeed.
Where can I achieve , drink more ...
Slacking , drink more ..
Write something inspirational.
Go on life seeking adventure.
Drink more sweetie..
Hard work pays off as you drink more.
but,
where is the love in my raging alcoholic soul?
Is it in every shattered glass I heavily drink ?
Or is it in every blurred line , I'm impaired to see ?
Drink more....
Alcohol helps with motivation to do things you can't sober

Sunday evening.
Black book widely open,
Alluring to indulge
every scripture of
My desires ,
My wishes
Euphoric touches.
Euphoric colorful different fingers
Strayed on my thighs.
Chameleon lips ,
Tasted my mouth
Euphoric colorful sheets rearranged.
Every night ,
Different shades of eyes.
It's the only heat ,
my heart has ever grown to love.
****** attraction is quite dangerous,
Confusing at times ,
But it's only the heat,
My heart has ever grown to love.
Every scripture out of
my black book leaves you
panting with more.
My conquest, my achievements.
Moaning graciously.
Fiery heat...
Every beating pulse of veins,
The sweat from my back and hips.
The rise of euphoric chemicals .
Sensations of bad habits
and unthinkable crimes.
These symptoms rise deeper into my brain,
A delectable affliction.

I choose to control the object of my ****** desire.
This euphoric heat is the only thing ,
my heart has ever loved.

My heart is swollen from the deceitful kisses.
My eyes are blindly impaired to see the truth.
My lungs are breathing on a tight rope.
I could not balance the fate of forevermore.

Because forevermore... isn't the truth.

This experience is like a flower.
It grows
Its beautiful .
But the duration
of this beautiful flower
is limited
Just as in our situation
where it prepares us
for what's next
in our individual futures

Happy Birthday To Me


Lived two decades already


Wow

My mind was in train wreck.
My heart was in a shipwreck.
Waiting to be found,
Waiting to be healed,
Waiting to be patched up,
Looking for a hero.
I am drowning into abyss
No anchor can pull me up
For I resisted ...
Breathless
I slowly drown
And  I hid into this unknown abyss
Waiting on a true hero.
Night and Day ,
I was a neglected soul waiting for a hero.
Searching in all the harazardous places.
As when the sun slowly began slept away
And the moon began to awake in its grey glow
I cried in despair of all ghouls who scorned my soul and those fiery demons for they tore my sanity.
I was alone and leading myself into hurricane of fire.
Twist into my fate.
Slowly I drowned ....
Where is my hero?
And you appeared in shining suit of armor
Piercing eyes ,taunting eyes,angelic lips
Halo across your head .
Without hesitation you reached for me.
My blood coiled in the sight of you
I was afraid ,
but I felt safe when I met your gaze.
My Hero.
As you lured yourself in,
You turned my heart into the right direction.
To stop loving
in dangerous places
To quit aching for
mistakes that were not in my control .
My hero
Bandages were stripped,
when you kissed me.
I wanted to be rescue,
every single time you touched me.
My hero...
My heart was set in stone ,
With accomplishments,
hopes,
goals
of having you by my side.
**My hero

Mommy why, i was just barely opening my heart to  you
Mommy you see me through the screen beating my life to you
120 beats per second ,faster than your heart mommy.
Mommy, I feel your smile broaden
Mommy I will love you conditionally
Moommyy what is this clamp mommy ,
please don't it hurts it hurts please mommy
Seven Weeks , Three Days Pregnant

I lost you my precious , Words will never define the darkness I feel in my heart . The darkness of how unloving my heart became, How heartless humanity was around me like infectious leech. Letting you go was the consequences of the bite. Please forgive me,  I made the biggest mistake in my life. The one mistake, where you won't grow up to learn from. What was left of my heart became stone cold , I let go my true shot of happiness, but I couldn't bring you into a world of brokenness and despair. You deserve better, but better than you will ever receive from me. One day I hope you understand. I promise you , my love lies deep in my veins.  I love you ,Heaven needed you back and I regret not standing like warrior and fighting for you. I never will wash dirt on my back,I can never stop apologizing for the vicious attacks you endured by me . Every sunrise and sunset I will forever mourn the death of my own humanity against you.
*One last breath,Mommy, I love you Forever
I'll float down the river ,patiently waiting for ocean to wash me into abyss , humming to the lullaby,I would have sang to you my precious gift.

For years ...
My heart sat in a box of icy glass.
Shivering every night, through the wake of daylight.
Cracking slowly over the years.
Hoping ...
Longing
for the righteous touch.
Many sought to conquer but failed...
I would crack thinking
it was time for me
to beat lively again...
But they failed...
They all failed
Not one has come close to my heart.
My heart was detached from me.
I was in cage chained,
watching my heart,
deteriorate through the years.
So
The cracks of my heart began to
rebuild its icy veins.
And my heart sat in box of icy glass.
Longing through ever shutter.
Wondering what am I beating for.
Slowly the temperatures dropped
And my heart became colder.
My heart alarmed signals of  
heavy frostbites hovering over my soul.
I slowly try to crack ,
by enduring this
emptiness of my icy heart.

It Was Dangerous Severed Heart

My heart was coped up in ice and loneliness.
My heart began to fall into abyss of winter
Everlasting for eternity,
My heart in a icy box.
For eternity....
No longer beats due to
The exhaustion from shivering .
From receiving little cracks of hope...
Open and closing to the wrong warriors..
They failed .
To save my heart .
And most importantly to save me...
My heart didn't want to be loved
My heart wanted to be misused
To be mislead through every sin.
That was my love for my heart.
Loneliness sunk into my icy box.
My heart shed tears through every shiver.
The shivers through every wrongful touch.
My heart grew weaker into the abyss..
Quitting.
Slowly
A Silhouette emerged from icy dark waters.
My heart watched this beautiful masterpiece swimming,
across every strenuous wave,
Vigorously. Powerfully.
Eyes with flame of devotion.
So much devotion...
Beautiful Dark Eyes
My Heart and I will always cherish
His eyes ....
My heart deteriorated by the time
As this ghost reached my heart...
My heart began to look for its shiver
My little trickle hair began to alert.
Waking my heart from is devastation
My heart manage to hook
it's eyes on this ghost...
He wasn't a warrior ...
He was a hero.
Angel guardian ...
With eyes that flamed devotion.
Igniting my icy cracks to reopen.
Quickly shunned ..
As when he reached with an anchor
To the iciest veins part of me
Which was my heart in the box...
My heart let go of the anchor.
It didn't want to be save.
It wanted to live in naked loneliness.
You would drop your anchor waiting
For my heart to reach.
Shunned
you
over
over
and
over
again.
Yourself shiver through the nights into daylight.
Waiting for me to defrost into your saving arms.
My heart was incapable .
My heart whisper apologies every shiver you shake waiting for me.
But my heart sank deeper into the haunted memories.
Terrifying questions
"Why weren't you becoming one of my sins"
"Why aren't you a regretful touch"
I couldn't sink deeper because your anchor followed through every pressure..
Through every flaw of my icy veins.
Thawing hard through my icy veins .
You became my hero in that very instance.
My angelic savior .
My heart began to crack to weigh on your anchor.
By the time my heart began to reincarnate itself
I found myself in shaking in shivers
My cracks began to burst with ice
I began to sank....
It wasn't my time to be saved.
Was it?
Then you became alluring serpent of my heart.
The possessed thought of my mind.
Your poison began to shift my veins .
My heart began to pump warmly ,
Slowly regaining its redness through every
Memory of you...
Through every caressing moment from you.
You.
My heart felt this unknown feeling.
It was a masterpiece forming as it began to feel.
It began to feel what my angel has been fighting for.
What you have been fighting for.
Since the moment
he let go of the anchor,
To save my heart...
Most importantly me..
I became yours a little too late .
He loves me...
And I loved him.
Then I love him
And then he loved me.
My heart had to crack
For my angel.
For myself
The time has come.
For my eyes to spark again...
With the same love and devotion
As yours...
My heart is missing heaven.
Missing home.
Missing my virtue.
There are many things,
I know my heart,
Can devote to many,
Beautiful things.
It's not easy for
My heart to start to believe again...
But my heart confides in you .
Only you...
When my heart opens ,
You will be there
with your anchor
Receiving me...
Loving me...
As I waited for awhile
to learn what home feels like .
Not in the icy box ,
But to be  in another heart full with warmth.

That is the moment I been waiting for.
To love you and only you.

Because I righteously deserve all of  you
And you righteously deserve all of me...

I thank you ...
For staying in this prolong battle...

I love you
with all the cracks
and bruises of my heart.
Soon I know I will be healed .

I love you my angel .

I love you one day more,
Less than a day where I am trying to forget you.
I miss you one week more,
Less a than a week where I am trying to conceal our memories.

Trembling hands, scarred thoughts ,as I unhinged the hooks;
you pierced in my soul.
(I hate you today)
A demented heartbreak
became my favorite melancholy tune.
Which played once every blue moon.
My heart shut down to prevent the stream of your blood into the chambers of my heart.
Concealing your touch, but still tasting you .
I inject myself every blue moon,
Inventing an antidote to cure your disease.

Although,
Today I chose to love you once more.
Cause I can't be without you ,
I'll be there when you need a way out.
I always be your late night apparition haunting ,
dwelling on a love we once reigned.
Imprinting you with a smile you once shared.
Today I chose to miss you once more.  
Cause I can't be without you.
Your bloodstream became an addiction.
One I wouldn't want rehab for.
Today I chose to replay our memories.
Love is a sink or swim.


Wait ,
Nothing comes close to the sickness I feel.
When you visit my dreams.
It's a haunting nightmare .
Today I hate you.
I don't wish I was worth your happiness,
I'm nothing than a passing memory in your freeway of your mind .
I can imagine ,
A crooked smile of regret ,
when my apparition ,
Visits you at the crack of dawn?
Today I hate you.
You shattered me like a glass cup.
Taunted my soul with torches of Lucifer.  
Today I hate you more.

A lesson learned but I seem to forget:

"True love is equal and it isn't    forgotten"

That is one thing I tend forget,
I loved you more than you loved me. Today I chose to forget you.
Or.... will that change?

Shattered heart, bleeding soul, braindead.
Paralyzed to the haunting, you imprinted on me.
Blinded by your crimes, making me believe its me.
Deaf to your abusive remarks
I am insane for returning.
Lost the sanity of love.
Incapable to let go of
Insane for believing hate for love.
I am insane for thinking this love I deserve.
Lost the sanity of respect
I really loved someone like that?

I was terrified of my reflection once. 
 I would scratch my self to tear apart
every imperfection,
every flaw ,
every single defect.

Unhappy with myself
That every night I would be
Making pacts with the Devil
to become beautiful .
Then devil listened and
he brought me you....
To tear me apart into shreds
To strip my innocence
The beauty I did not appreciate
It was your greatest appetite

Demonic eyes
Should have never looked
Piercing lips
Should have spoke up
Hateful touch
Should have scream
You were evil

And I danced among every movement
I hate you


You were gargoyle
every night standing
it's post by my bed
To scratch my helplessly body
I hate you

I wish I appreciate my innocence because then
I don't think the devil's angel would have ever pay me a visit

I had to let you go, my dearest silhouette.
You let me down when the tide of my life
Crashed ashore wiping away my foundation.
My dearest silhouette,
You took every inch of breath,
that belonged to me .
As the waves pulled me back,
My hands reached for you.
I screamed," save me."
I drowned over and over
with every ****** of the tormented ocean.
I slowly anchor down to bottomless abyss.
Silhouette, I had to let you go.

Oh Life throws so many knives into my soul.I wonder when. Just when will it stop.My heart lost its way on every avalanche ,I feel frozen , but I am still moving . I got no direction in life, but as many times my legs move,I find myself more into the dark abyss . The elastic band snapped , I couldn't see the light . People in my life couldn't stand to see me spiraling out of control and unprepared for life. I need to conquer this war alone .
                   Reincarnation
I will not be broken. I want courage so please, Life, do me a favor, Inflict more pain through this journey. Show me sometimes not all you need is love. I want to experience you Life every bits and pieces . Life I need the constant reminder of strength.Life make me climb through edges,Bruise my knees through every deceit,Cut my deepest arteries with heartbreaks and love waves . Let me pour my blood around hearts ,Help me search for the torturous habits from the helpless deviant souls. Life make me cry internally for the failures of my life. Life watch me dance in the darkest shadows with my dark silhouette. Through every trial, through every flame. Through the sunlight and darkest moon. Life, somehow , you let me smile, laugh, love and hate. But one thing I will always remember on this frightening journey .....
              Life, you said to me in a dream ,
   time will heal all open and closed wounds

Just a long ago,
Your smile would shine just as the sun.
Just a long ago,
Your words were like knives.
Just a long ago,
They were cutting into my vein so sweetly.
Just a long ago ,
I bled deeply for you.
Just a long ago ,
We were sharing secrets under the moonlight.
Our minds intertwined for hours
Just a long ago,
You viciously tore my clothes off,
Making my heart dance to beat of your love .
Polaroids. Ciragette buds. Long drives
Our world . Sedated from everyone else.
Now
Your smile ignited like fire.
Just now
Your eyes glared away into
Unknown Galaxy.
Where are you?
Now ,
I still reach for you ...
Just a long ago,
You were mine ....

The stars aligned together under the blue moon where the dogs whistle their somber tune.
Restless nights linger every now and then.
My melancholy mind follows the dark tunnels where a broken record replays my memories. My heart echos for the beat it needs.
My soul lusts for the passion, the light had brought me.
I have no sense of direction to experience what I want.
Just the memories you imprinted in my mind.

My heart aches
(I just want to be safe)
My heart irregularly beats
(I just want to be loved)
It's lust disguising in between the lines.
No emotions of the mind
Only connection sparks when the bodies twines.
Set myself apart from the pain that is being inflicted
But I am imprisoned by the man who chokes my lungs
Gasping for air but i can not control the force
No matter how hard I try , gravity pulls me back
To the man who suffocates my mind
Controlling the common sense I use to own
My truth is hidden behind the lies, He once spoke.....

Love is like Russian Roulette.
Bets are on, hearts are at risk.
Whose willing to shoot?
Whose willing to die?
To lose their mind ?
Virtue lost over this foolish game?

Dice drops.
My heart is dead.
My mind is bruised.
Love is like Russian Roulette.

I wonder what is like to fall in love.
To feel beautiful every day.
To be wanted.
But I know what is like to love myself.
Thats the love i will ever need.

There are a million of people,
Who will be gentle with your heart.
There are a million of people,
Who sacrifice their lives for the taste of your veins.
There are a million of people ,
Ready to shake your skin with gravel .
Leaving you bruised and hopeless.
Scarred and shattered.
Sometimes you have to fall
in order to recover the emptiness.
Sometimes you can die, in order to revive yourself.
Sometimes there's one person who will leave fingerprints on your heart .
Bringing peace to everlasting war you have with yourself.

Sometimes... Just sometimes.
The person you need is yourself.
Learn to love yourself.
Before you let these million people inside.

Mother,
I know you carry the seed of a fragile heart
Many men twisted your beautiful soul into demonic beast.
Unable to love ,unable to nurture.
Possessed to inflict pain on others.
Hungry to **** smiles.
To imprint the world with your glass heart.
You carry the seed of a fragile heart
There's so much faults between us,
So when our land begins to shake
We implode to explode.
Tumbling down every walls we built.
You carry the seed of a fragile heart
Two Fierce eyes, growling lips
Majestic Lion Preying On A Lone Wolf
Vile words
vile injuries
Ding ding
Blood spattered among our cheeks.
Ferocious souls panting.
Who are we Mother ?
What are we? Mother
Do you know Mom ?
You carry the seed of a fragile heart
I hate you so much , but I reconcile your broken veins.
I hate you so much , but I want to satisfy your fiery soul .
I want to carry your fragile heart to paradise.
Where I can love you as a daughter, not an enemy.
Mother,
I want you proud of me.
I want you to own me,
not disown me from your throne.
But how can I make you proud,
When my heart , the one you raised
Is impaired on forgiving you ?
**I carry the seed of a broken heart

Mom, how you not accept that your daughter was hurt.
A lively rainbow soul was stripped, shattered, misuse by a man you once trusted.
Mom , I was afraid of the bathtub, not because of drowning into the drains.
It was because of the man you once trusted.
I was afraid of sleeping in my bed, not because of the scary movies.
It was because of the nightmares my body had to endure by the man you once trusted.  
Mom, the bruises and scars were not from the playground.  
They were from the man you trusted.
I am incapable of loving someone especially myself.
You stood and watched my life stripped by the man you once trusted

I stand alone here under the moonlight,
Where we shared our first date.
Grand park , where vivacious lights lit up this fountain.
Fountain of youth ? No
It was the fountain of love.
Where grey clouds surround the stars that twinkle like dynamites.
I remember you enjoyed gazing upon the skies.
Your mesmerizing eyes has a hold on me.
Daydreaming on the future, opening your heart to me.
And I enjoyed gazing at you
when you had something witty to say.
Sarcasm was our expertise.
I adore you

I was out of place until I met you.
You were the missing piece to my puzzle.
I dream of masked man to save my dormant heart.
And as your touch inflicted on my skin...
I woke up from fantasy into reality.
My constant dream finally became true.
You were my masked man.
You instantly became the race car of my heart.
Beating rapidly every moment our lips intertwined.
I am falling in love

Little did you know , how much you imprinted into the sands of my veins.
A rush of waves touch my soul when you are
Near me , holding me in your embrace.
Our love story is just as deep as the ocean.
No place I rather be.

**I love you

Pointless memories,
Unachievable goals,
Pain ,
Regrets  
All those things race through my veins and into my heart.
Nobody understands what it feels like , to glide on gravity with a hollow heart.  
Incapable to feel emotion , my heart is hidden in a somber moonlight.
My heart isn't impeccable as others. It's full of cracks and broken wires.
My heart doesn't properly function well with love...
Love Love Love Love Love
Makes my heart cringe , pumping very queasy when it thinks of love...
My heart uncontrollably bleeds , when it tries to dangerously stitchs love into it.
Nobody understands what it feels like , to glide on gravity with a hollow heart.  
Incapable to feel emotion , my heart is hidden in a somber moonlight.
Whose is to blame but thyself ?

My heart rushed to fields ,
Frolicking around the plants,
Smelling the fresh dew ,
Twirling till I abruptly fall.
Looking up at cirrus clouds.
Plentiful batch of white cotton candy.
No amount of clouds remind me of you.
Where you are , is what you call home.
Where I am , is what I call lost.

My heart is escaping on a thin line,
I never meant to hurt nobody,
I didn't mean to start a war,
I just let myself go in this profound thing we call....

                                **Passion

"Tickets tickets tickets"
Enticing the buyers to
Observe you
To speculate your insecurities on the stage
To bring you smirks , since your mind seems to forget what is happiness...
There you gaze into bright lights of never ending tunnel.
All eyes gazing on you , all ears appeal to you .
Mouth raging to ignite their movements.
Hands clasp together, ready to make beats for your amusement...
You do what is best .
Natural calling .
But tonight , there she was ....
Her lips entice you to come in,
To taste her grievances of a broken heart.
To sew the broken patches of her soul.
To hear the safeness of your vocal mind.
You want her . You adore her.. But you can't please her
Gulp gulp your throat....
Don't mind her , let her go .....
The show must go on ....
She will leave those doors into the never ending light you gazed at on stage...

I slither to caress every single inch of your warm-blooded skin.
Soothe out your fear with
my scaly veins emerging into your soul.
I bite my poison onto your lips .
Your heart is ready to be deceived with every throbbing pain.
I wait for you to reach for my neck
To ****** me....
But I strike another vicious bite.
****** me please....
You reach again ...
Bite once more....
You reach for me...
I slither away as you are in agony

Come climb up
Discover within the branches of my  tree.
As you inspect
The branches I have torn from my tree are only those who have scorn my soul.
Each creases share my story, as the creases get deeper you will know my naked heart.
Each leaves share my chameleon personality
As you climb higher
You learn what is weak and what is strong
What I can offer with each branch.
I am a muse to protecting you.
Share my tree to inspire the rest of the world.

There's a war between you and I.
I have fallen into the bloodshed, we once called love.
There's no remorse for our never-ending failures.
On the battlefield , we go in and fight for the misunderstanding.
For the liberty of hatered in our hearts.
We let go of our fears with every **** we make.
This is for the victories we try to aim for.

My
         WEAKNESS
                             Has
                                       DIED....

It
        Has
                         REINCARNATED
                                                   
                                              Into
  
  
                                                    **STRENGTH

You had my deviant heart.
The moment you turn your head to
Observe me
To taunt me like a predator lurking on its prey.
Oh my like serial killer prying on its next victim.
My soul swayed
My breath races
My body tensed.
You graciously invited yourself in
When you knew you weren't invited
You fought obstacles and never fled with the dead skeletons that swarm out of each door of my heart you would open .
You knew you always had the key.
How come you were so close
and I yet was so far
I was afraid .
Couldn't accept the fight
the blood and the tears you made
To be next to me
To reign next to me
Next to me
I think
I look at sunsets every now and then
Pondering what I will do when I have you by my side
wishing I told you
I loved you sooner than I did....

My mirror guides an unknown dark visage.
I stare into what use to be mine.
The dark enitiy has stripped my dignity.
His love became the imprisonment of my soul.
Gaunt eyes , broken smile, its not who i am.
How can someone you love become your worse enemy?
My silhouette prances at dawn longing to escape the toxity of the demon's love