Peanut butter
sadness and fruit
I once swore that i would use you as my ladder to truth
later days i felt decay so i would pray for my self
Hearing nothing returned
it would wayne on my health

I got caught
up
High in the sky ;
thinking you would join
I wallowed in my cries
whatever ;
Looking down i saw a river made
bottling the water hoping that my feelings fade

Tight ;
feeling thirsty during walks of life
drinking from the bottles till the day becomes the night

Id rather be the life on the screen than the life in front of it

I didnt need a lesson
on how to stand alone
I needed you to stay and be my comfort
my home
My zone
is shaken
I should
awaken
I was
mistaken
I feel
forsaken
Its nada
dog eat dog
Everyman for himself
depending on your friends can be bad for your health

You open up your doors
she takes a step inside
Shell marvel at the floors
shell ogle at the size
I gave this one a tour ;
more extensive than others
I let her into places
that no one else discovered
I opened up my mind
i let you touch my soul
I craved to breathe your air
you presence made me whole
But now the times have changed

I wouldn't let the masses
inside my gracious home
I see your open house
is quite unlike my own
These floors reserved for you
your palace would await
Until my world collapsed
as earth began to shake

My doors were much to open
i should have kept them closed
Inclined to let you stay
my heart is not my own

Like an apple you would peel
till all my skin was gone
My inner self revealed
my walls werent up for long
Id let you have a taste
until you reached my core
No substance left to give
i entertain no more

Throw me in the trash
with others you devoured
Ill find my way to dirt
and help to grow a flower

You used to be a drug id abuse
guess i ran out of the substance to distract from my blues
So consumed i wasn't paying much attention to cues
i digress ;
I met a bird who'd rest inside my chest
sitting in the emptiness that seemed to grow from stress  
Never disliked crows
i went about my business
Whenever i would ache he'd ****** scream till i was finished

Seasons passed this bird was still in my body
i would feed em when i ate and he'd partake in my hobbies
On a quest to find a love to help me close up this gap
but my mind is still lost
In the one that i lack
i digress ;
The sun was in my eyes i couldn't rest
sleep excessively my mind in dreams away from stress
Happy place would save me from my burdens time again
only grievance being i was there without my friend
Woke to find my crow inside the clutches of a being
radiating yellow to the point im hardly seeing
Threw my bird aside and slammed a hand upon my chest
my gaping hole was closed
My mental cleared of stress..

I wish that i could sleep forever
avoid my grief.

How do you cope with feeling dead inside ?
im unsure.

Id like to feel the joy of some one loving

Its seems
that i
Am caught
in webs
That i
once thought
I cleared
before
They rear
their heads
They mock
they laugh
Im stuck
i cant
Get out
no more

Had nothing to say
unlike brothers who outspoken
Unlucky that way
i see love in lots of movies
But never in life
he would toss his heart to wolves
Without thinking twice

Clouds and rainy days
sunshine and bliss
Cupid hit me very often
the other he'd miss
Been around the block a lot
my legs are enduring
Yet im still uncomfortable between this place and the rock

Sometimes i don't belong in my skin
depression would have me aching while i held it within ;  
While wishing he had somebody
somebody who could destroy this
He let his sadness take over like how devils posses..

I really do belong in my skin
love would have me cursing at the heavens above
Many would **** their brother
like abel and cain ;
He'd show love to one another
the sisters the sons and mothers
Only way of escaping inescapable pain..

I wish i could belong in my skin
body cold like heavy snow all-though he's warmer within ;
While wishing he had somebody
somebody who he could cuddle
Somebody who'd help rebuttal devils talking to him;
he gave up.

The rabbit laughing as he passes the turtle
theres a pit coming up
now his body is curdled

There was this kid in college
pursuing his growth with knowledge
Towards elders he payed his homage
although troubled inside ;

Everyday after classes
fraternities caught em slackin
They told em he should be packin
he should not hold no pride ;

He questioned why they aint like em
they beat em and tried to sike em
Quit often at school he's frightened
out his mind he would go ;

After he called his master
jehovah many don't know off
The holy among the holies  
he would cry for his help ;

Why do you let them do this
they ruthless
Beating me toothless
he knew this but he said nothing
It was all in his plan ;

Walking from class and thinking
he saw em tried to avoid em
They followed to leave em hollow
he was angry inside ;

They smacked em
about the action
One had a bat and swung it
they took his bag and they flung it
He type wanted to die ;

Now months had passed he was enduring the stress
grades declining
Sorrow climbing
wasn't doin his best

Oh how could he achieve
soar and reach for his dreams
When these ******* kept him under
forced a trick up his sleeve ;

It was sunny-
he was bummy as he usually was
He approached em after class
they where they usually was
They had laughed in his face ;
called em broke and a ******
Wasn't laughing for long
since he pulled out the matic ;

Sporadic they started movin
the fear in they faces soothin
He told em you try to run
im puttin lead in you all ;
One pushes his homie forward
while falling hes contemplating
Debating why they had caused this
bullets fly out the gun ;
He wet up the one who fell
they others had tried to scatter
A marksmen right at that moment
he had aimed for they heads ;

Laughing while he had killed em
four out of the five had fallen
The last of em slowly crawling
he walked up to him fast ;
Crouching he looked right at em
he pleaded we were just joking
Fun poking he said he's sorry
Jacob laughed in his face

Last of the fallen bullies
was crying as he was dieing
Delighted the bummy murderer put two in his brain ;

He said look at you now
i will not be destroyed
By the likes of you all
the police had been called ;

The sirens he heard em comin
he figured no sense in runnin
Since god had never responded
**** this life aint my own ;

His eyes had looked upward gazing
he felt his sorrow degrading
Visions of success fading as he let himself go ;

With the gun to his head
tried to finish himself
Heard it click several times
their were no bullets left ;

Now the cops are arriving
his heart was dropping and diving
His bravery was comprising of the bullets he had ;
figured jail was no option
They'd **** em
he couldn't stop em
So thinking quickly decided he would die by the ops ;

Their screaming telling him freeze
no time for buckling knees
He bolted headfirst at cruisers screaming top of his lungs ;

The officers open fire
fulfilling desperate desires
His soul would have raised higher had he tried something else ;

Now wet up he couldn't get up
but happy free from his burdens
His parents died long ago so he had no real regrets ;

DMT danced inside him
it took him to early childhood
Remembered when his parents had been loving him so ;

Toward fire he was descending
escaping is now pretending
While burning he saw the bullies he had sent to this place ;

While tortured they chained together
their skin was hanging and tethered
No laughing no getting over what his life had become ;

No resolve but the truth  
their was no going back
If your seeking revenge
you should prolly relax..

I heard
the lord did nothing for a loser
Why create me a shoddy willed drug abuser ;
used to watch when small as the sun rise and fall
Now i sit inside but cant escape the fiery ball
crippled by depression
My weapon is my mind
so of-course it figures
into it devils grind ;
Their paws
the people clapped their hands and show applause
When another brother who mislabeled is in gauss  
quick to point the finger
"Muslims are the enemy"
"evil white oppressor"
Aren't we all the same
the only standing difference
Is skin color and name..

I heard ;
that dog eat dog was never the way
As if people were at peace before on some later date
planned on bringing wood to burn
To reset that fire ;
till i grew to know my brothers and became uninspired..
My heart is often shriveled
anxiety derailing
As if before i start i slip and fall already failing
i heard that god was evil
He basked in the light
if you questioned his work
you were cast in the night
I would sit in the trees
when the sun's feeling down
As i spoke to the moon
with my feet off the ground.

Used to scream when i got stabbed in the back
when their weren't many blades to show i had been attacked
Living for the future got me feeling ****** in the moment
looking back it seems as though iv been my toughest opponent
Love is often in my mind alike to swimming from sharks
overjoyed if you make it
But you'll most likely die
as the current is vicious
Where the predator thrives
am i ***** for staying
Where my strings aren't tied..
used to scream when i got stabbed in the back
Now i use the knives they left me for revenge i exact ;
a homie had once told me i should dig up two graves
When im getting one back
for the pain that they gave..

I step foot in the lobby
i was just in my bed
Moon ascended up high
devils touching my head
I was sleeping in sweats
but in here im well dressed ;
**** is awfully odd
everyone looks at peace
All awaiting the call
to descend to the beast
Elevator comes down
people cramming inside
Some were not dressed as nice
and the doorman aint right ;
I think now i remember
i had wished death upon me ;
Sorry satan you mistaken i was speaking to Kami
try to leave from this place
I dont know how i came
elevator comes down
In my mind pouring rain ;
i get shoved in the box
Hits the bottom in seconds
as the doors open wide
sort of struggling in shock
i had shut both my eyes ;
when i opened them wide
I was still in my bed
sun ascended up high
Devils touching my head

M a y b e..
i learned to hate that word
You want no strings attatched
so kick me to the curb
No ?..
wanna see where things will go ?  
Unless of course somebody follows through and steals the show
maybe..
I swear i hate that word
its tears apart the fibers forming love that i had slurred
I understand your movements
to keep yourself a float
You hang me off the side
i dont fit in the boat
I noticed theres some holes
i see them from below
You aren't in control
go on and let me go

The trees are my friends
also is the moon
I feel their love extend
with people i pretend ;
Weary of the mask
elliptical prescriptions full of chemicals i pass
They told me it would help
mellow out my mood
Smoothen out the edges
no longer craving food
Im sleepy all the time
the opposite of fine
I cry to the devine
so i wont lose my mind
Sever the appendage
take the skin from bone
Allow my soul to fly
into a better home
Hungry for my freedom
we found it isn't free
Detach your arm and leg
to live conveniently

A golden sky remaining far
intangible
Past experience who you are
failure making half the man
Slowly losing grains of sand
eating at my inner flesh
Mishaps that i wish i kept
tunneled down deep inside
Rotting in the winners eyes
hating all that isn't straight
Has you stuck inside the gate
open wide your eyes and ears
Say goodbye to all your fears
something far is something seen
Close enough if your serene
clouds would have me envy them
Flying close to heavens brim
if i had a wish to make
I would go to heavens gate
waving hands to all my friends
Devils hoping its pretend.

Bummed
picking up the crumbs
People grown numb
all craving green thumbs
No one is abundant as the fed who sits atop
the heaping pile of people who are slowly reaping crops

Separated
wrongly legislated
Segregate and weaken
before unties peaking
Some will see the lies
others live their lives
Without batting eyes
toward a kins demise

Another one who's babbling of peace and unity
cumbersome is life when your unchained untruly free
My eyes were tightly shut
but even then i felt
As if the cards at hand
where incorrect when dealt..

Spent his time gazing into space
depression has no weight nor a hight nor a face
Thinking of a place where he could nestle that was warm
growing quite familiar with his demons by the swarm
Invited them to eat with him as loneliness had grown
invited them to stay with him for empty was his home
Nothingness was common in the center of his flesh
issues were his homies bringing multitudes of stress
Feeling type inadequate among the happy folk
many saw these problems as a giggle or a joke.

To love is to risk loss
to risk loss is bravery
Being brave is sometimes dumb
being dumb is infrequently worth it
Continue lossing you'll feel like ****
feeling like **** will leave you slumped
In a slump from getting dumped
issues of a first world chump..
To love is to open wide
to let someone you trust inside
When indoors they'll see your flaws
Pick the better gifts of yours
leave the shoddy ones behind
if they find you do not shine
why the **** did they come inside
now your dull ? they are blind
throw their poison far behind..
What do you all do when loneliness consumes your mind..?

How could i not see
the distance separating from a love that couldn't be
Was nice ;
extending overwhelming pay a price
Payed it out in segments wasn't one with much ice
think twice ;
Maybe three four five
trust issues grow seems the longer he's alive
They thrive ;
invisible to all besides himself
Manifest inside coerce degrading of his health...

Heart bruised
very few to lose
Why so grim you are not in damaged shoes
my souls ;
However should have long been replaced
head unfitting for the mask on my face
Path type rigid on the floor stayed the poor
tell you not to feed em
They'll come and ask for more..

Emptied pockets for the weak as im hallow too
Smacked his sun outa sight nice follow through
dont let grief open wide or it swallows you
End up like me missing hair follicles..

If i die inside my mind ;
there will be no corpse to leave my family behind
Trailing just before me are the monkeys on my back
eating all the crumbs from my mouth i couldn't pack..

This new terrain is dark
the sun hasn't won since my being isn't stark
Often times running in a circle from the past
the last could be first but in line they were passed..

Threw his heart like fast ball
bad call sitting very high on his last straws...
Nothing really changed ;
continued broken cycle
His fortitude deranged

Why bring pain on yourself like that
better to have loved than have just sat back
Cookie crumble crumbs didn't feel very filling
arms outstretched to embrace empty feelings...

Usually he saw very far in the path
lately lacking nourishment his eyesight has passed
Crutch grown weary as the burden grows more
flower full bloom turned to an eye sore..

It seems i cant escape
sleep would overtake wake and still it devastates
Depression ;
crushes me with marvelous aggression
Feast for the beast find me deep in its digestion...

Never did i see
the sun shine on me as i sat beneath a tree
Shady ;
victory thrown like Tom brady
Pride chopped off like umbilical on babys...

Lazy summer days
sorrow acrobatic
It set his mind a blaze  
tryed to find comfort in a sister softer soul
Left his heart contorted
for every bridge a toll
I guess ;
usually he'd cross and watch it burn  
Trying very hard to not forget the lessons learned..

I loved you so obnoxious blossoming petals
oh how blindly i focused
Eyes neglecting your thorns ;
it was easy to forget that i was worth quite the same
It was harder to remember from which door i had came
i would clutch you in my palms and hold you close to my nose
Now my hands have some holes ;
and my blood is exposed...

I loved you so obnoxious blossoming petals
oh how happy you made me
Whiffs of joy killed dispair ;
it was easy to forget that i was still on my own
No one actually there
no one entered my zone...
No one really has possession of others
this idea is alluding
Ties your heart in a knot
are these devils intruding
Were they always around ?
watching as i withstand
To push my face in the ground..

Start of as a child
dreams of flying high , super powers , runnin wild
Some ul hold you close while the others do you vile
or try ;
I wondered why my peace had to die
advance ;
My first love had me in a trance
took advantage of my lack of knowledge in the dance
Its cool ;
before i played i should have learned the rules
Fooled by material in earthly realms i drooled..

Still convoluted by material things
i wanted money **** the women they had watered my wings..
Growing older i got colder cuz my brothers were foul
elder told me keep on going never throw in the towel...
I had forgot ;
wildly missed the plot
Results of a recluse who never took another shot ;
at life
I watched my brothers overcome their strife
congratulate from far while eating fruit that wasn't ripe..
Debilitate myself inside my shoddy shelter walls  
never showed my face whenever village elder called..

Outlast all my troubles
my demons close behind ;
To get to the end where the light of heaven shines

Apparently im losing
apparently im lost
So viciously unfocused
i fall and pay the cost

Uncanny how they breach in
My pride was like a boat
its dawning several holes
to water im exposed
then drown..

My issues give me pounds on rearrival
lately hits to ego have me feeling small as Fievel..
I feel as though im lacking
or unfit for this girl ;
They tell me play the game
while cheaters run the world..

Love is not for me ;
about a dream ago i swore id let my heart be free
I lied
debating my elated compromise...

At least the ground had my back
no energy to move they surround and attack
I failed ;
my dream of touching mouth to holy grail..

Dumping bucketful's into cups
****** ;
Forgetting older lessons getting stuck
starved ;
Never did i think id find my way
i swore that i could use you as a bridge from my decay..

Advocate for peace
nothing left to lose  
Every one will feast..

Used to have a dream ;
used to have a love from above though it seemed
Serene
the color of your eyes hid the lies
The fog in the skies symbolized my demise..

No remorse
no affiliation
Federal's amphetamines ensue debilitation
at last ;
He had the heart of someone in his grasp
clutched too tight so it didn't really last...

Used to have a dream
used to being last
Used to being separated by my skin or cast
or both ;
Told his brothers not to give up hope
whoever is your god he or she will shift the *****..

Out of sight out of mind yet i feel it in my spine
genocide left my eyes rolled from behind
Was blind ;
never held the cup when you had poured
Never caught the hawk while it lived as it soured
gored
Easily distracted are my friends ;
who walk without a limp in a bubble of pretend..

It blows ;
blows like the winds in the trees
Blows like her hair when the air lifts the leaves
please ;
Never say that no one else had tried
all of us are kin
Do not believe the lies..

Left the group
egg drop soup
Never would i sever when those strings ul leave me loose
obtuse ;
Eating of the fruit that god had blessed me with
some i had let rot he came agressive to address me swift..
Winter days
on the ground he layed
Gazing at the stares as the fed create charades
illusions ;
Many take in what life has to give
others rest assured theres no reason left to live..

Swore to god that i was blessed
threw it all away my mind my devils do infest
Contest ;
or find that you are swallowed most entirely
Had no sleep to lose a victim of intense sobriety...

The story never ends
the cycle must continue with or without closest friends
Pretend ;
that the world around me isn't dieing
Extend my arms and legs as iv been huddled up and hiding

Disease ;
the only homies left were grass and trees
He told em all his problems all while sobbin on his knees
impede ;
Although its hard when demons come in numbers
aiming accurate immaculate to put you under

Repressed ;
i swore to ****** god that i was blessed
Scared away my demons all while screamin from my chest
a mess ;
Normally i walked the path of light
but found a shady tree and rested eyes for several nights..

Living where my mother be
inside america the land of infinite discovery
Utterly
shaken by words the prez is uttering
Bludgeoning the labeled "foreigners" for their said struggling..
i see your ways
Its usually quit disgusting
Grab em by the twuat you will get got and thats for sure
unpure
I hope that soon we get see some gore
i prey that you decay your toupee through the air will soar
Unsure ;
are yall the people which i should be blaming
You asked for this destruction now you ******* and complaining
god ;
How many claim to see through the facade
yet sit and watch their brothers getting buttered by the odds..

My father slaving for a check
the fed become corrupt elect erupt with disrespect
They say that money's harshly sought out by all those who evil
i see the one percent flourishing off all other people
I see my brothers outside of this bubble slowly dieing
i see that natures trying surviving through humans prying
I see that y'all misguided the guide to life isn't provided
they smoothly try and fool you the fate of lesser decided
By green ;
digits in the bank that you cant see
Paper is your worth if your not worth you wont be seen ;
its aggravating
The system is agitating
exasperate the weak if your poor they emasculating
They not helping
if it aint *** its not selling
Maybe drugs
and other delusions
Fed will come when he is ready via massive intrusion
taking everything you love from in the palms of your hands
Hope your ready to withstand when Marshall law rules the land..

Im tight..
my father breathing like a dragon
The heat you cant imagine
size of flames you couldn't fathom
In my atoms ;
my past lives itching to be free
I live past the last with crooked complacency
in the air..
My hands wave around i dont care
bout despair as i split like a dutch well aware
That they there...
older brother always watching
Controlling the unfolding of events while guns are cocking
for what
Killing put a limp up in they strut
glorified by the lies in the songs that you bump
Now its cool ;
to run around and act like a fool
Sending souls up to heaven pushin faces into stool
most will drool...
Over material and women ;
knives by your spine the inferior ascendin
Im dont spendin ;
my youth tryna court myself a lover..
Im dumpin my affection then they runnin like none other
i discovered ;
I could use the blades in me as weapons
instead i take em out nd show em off to warn my brethren..

I stayed away from fire
i watched my brothers burn
I waited in the trees
until it was my turn
Success is often yearned
the opposite of failure
Eating at each other
to see which ones are braver
Never did i cater
to devils on my spine
they crawl upon my back
Attempt to touch my mind
divine ;
I clawed my way to see you all the time
love is not for me adjacency to lust is blind
Clinging to the one who made me feel like she was mine
expectations high only to die inside confined ;
You wanted something greater
you swore that things were pure  
Instead she stabbed your back ;
then showed you to the door..

Love can be a struggle
its hands over your eyes
Running into walls as it laughs while your blind
behind ;
Aching from the line called your spine
feeling my surroundings like a mime i cant find ;
An exit
revitalize my brother like a medic
Taking in wisdom to forget it then regret it
obscene
He let her in a place no one had seen
she ****** up the interior and took some of his green
For now
he shouted all his grievances aloud
In hopes that god would hear em and start clearing up the clouds
the shroud ;
Still remaining over his eyes
her words consist of lies in which his dinner comprised ;
Her eyes were like an ocean which he wish he could swim
wished he could thrive
Inside where many men prolly died
when he tried to test the water they had snapped at his pride..
So it goes
since then he never dared to dip his toes
And strayed away from sirens that had called to those on roads..

Used to being down ;
not used to smelling **** piles close to the ground
Its funny
cuz usually i find their hand and hand
Fragile as the castle that you firmly built from sand ;
outside rigid like the horn of a rhino
Always wit Marry never really was a whino
sitting in the trees as he watched his brothers time fold
Eyes closed during violations of his minds home...

Tryna set my devils free
all though it seems without em i would not exist as me
Hands in the air like im looking for the savior
my chains are invisible affecting my behavior
Eating very little as it hasn't been my nature
struggling to find a better suiting nomenclature..

First world issues got your bundle in a knot
brothers being labeled by police and getting shot
Many are confused with the delusion in the plot
which keeps us separated so the fed can reap his crop..
Its not
Ok
It stops
Today
The "strong" will pay
The weak
Will say
No more..
show your insecurities the door
We need to build each other like we never have before..
i tell my brother everything his ego needs to hear
So we can push up forward with the ******* in the rear..
say hi ; to victory as weakness leaves your side
Get used to different company and bolster forth your stride..

Eating all the fruit in which my guardian had blessed me with
pulling out the blades my crooked homies had addressed me with
Crying tears for nothing in particular infested with
thoughts of sorrow mentally destroying all my tenureship...

I used to never leave my home
humans give me nada but the urge to be alone
Trapped inside a box inside a cage inside a zone
in which i could not leave i could not breathe while still as stone...

Theres so much left to say
many words to spew not enough of time in day ;
Shell ask you to lay on her
but little did you know
That she's a bed of spikes
deep in the ground below

If you could change the past
would you make alterations
Or watch yourself get eaten
in all past altercations..

If you are someones flower
remember all the pain
Of watching pedals wilt
and soiled in the rain..

If you are someones treasure
appreciate your worth
For without those like you
the lives of most are worse..

In the depths of your spine ;
chakras are aligned they'll awaken at a time
When you bout to lose your mind
its fine
I find im stuck in mazes all the time
the visions in my mind often lost as i am blind ;
Unrefined
losing track of all my time
Obtuse to the benign as a god i couldn't find..
stool ;
I find that i am looking like a fool
the confines of my shell which i returned had kept me cool..
But now
i realize to a god a shouldn't bow
Instead i built myself a pedestal and won't come down..

All cradled tight in the fingers of the clock
All losing track of direction which we walk
All focused heavily on trying to survive
All losing peace as our unity divides

Some losing sleep over failing in the past
Some creeping close to serenity at last  
Some running fast from the doors that they opened
Some bursting through without care for the quotient

Never ******* about the lack of sunshine in the sky
never changed the way i walk to keep my sneakers dry
Often tried to change the lesser aspects of my self
failing miserably then straight secluding using stealth

Dreaming of a place where only i alone exist
running from the monkeys on my back i should resist
Eating quite abundantly until i cannot walk
screaming at the trees until i find i cannot talk

Too tired to create
too vigorous to die
My past lives itch when id rather sit or lye
my third opened wide when these devils came to haunt me
Federals amphetamines designed to keep you raunchy

Id like to be indifferent
alas im like the rest
Smile upon on my face
sorrow in my chest

I smell that i am rotting
the flower by my nose  
Was easily retrieved
from dirt beneath my toes

Distract me from the pain
redirect my sadness
Are those in love sane
or wallowing in madness..?

Everything is potent till you use it all the time
yet your still on canvas in the paintings of my mind
I find ;
i never quite lose you all the way
I tossed you to the ground
but wanted you to stay..

He picked his piece of heart up from the street
the one who broke it also had once made em feel complete
defeat ;
he swore to god that he would rise again
losing love for women , man , children , and his friends
pretend ;
that he wont overextend -
again ;
satan came close to unmend
his ends..
He sat along the side
piecing back together what was trust ;
his pride ;
the lies ;
they'v come to show you who is king again
life is like a circle
the cycle never ends -
No money is his pockets
he poured in her his soul
Only to be given
abundances of tolls..