Leaving or distancing was never a problem,
Nobody really knows how my life goes and I’m proud of it to be honest.
I’ve been feeling really careless lately,
People keep spreading things that are wrong,
It gets me upset and somehow I always get impacted from it.
It’s like I shut down,
Friends or not,
I take certain things to heart.
Whether you meant it in a nice or bad way,
I’ve just not been thinking right quite frankly,
Pressures on to do well and succeed,
But what’s the point of trying if no one’s ever going to see?
Yeah that’s my scattered mindset,
Having faith for adversities to fade away,
But they never do,
Yeah I’m dealing with things I don’t really want to,
But I guess I got to put up with it.
Cope mechanism is shutting down, placing people as far as possible,
Not really expressing my feelings toward the stuff that terribly effect me,
And yet, I still pretend like it’s okay,
I’ll smile in your face,
Make you think I’m doing all fine without another .
My feelings are just way too strong,
I can’t help from liking you,
However, I never meant to make things the way they currently are,
Mentions are getting spurred rapidly,
Those sayings were never stated directly,
We didn’t even get to discuss our predictament.
But, these things tend to get disregarded,
You leave me,
Feeling this sort of way,
Then, try to come back.
I’m tired of putting up,
I’m all in my head

I feel a tear drop on my hand, next to yours.
I'm sorry for what you feel, wish I could heal your pain.
At first, I didn't experience any sadness, nor thoughts came to mind, but then I realized,
Something had not been right all this time,
Something felt off, like you've changed.
I guess overthinking gets you out your head,
Cause' my memory was shot out of my mind when you told me she's dead.
Looking into your eyes from afar, they got all teary and filled.
My heart fell out my chest, prayers laced in my brain,
My arms were drawn low to the ground, legs tied in a knot.
I knew that you were feeling some sort of way,
and I apologize for all the change,
Everything will heal in time, it's all going to be okay I say for constant reassurance,
But, you covered your face,
Cried endlessly, tears splattered on the sleeves of your arms,
Holding your head tightly and gradually bringing it down,
Moving your body from side to side.
Through the blurry vision of mine, I let out a loud sigh.
There's a lump in my throat that I cannot control and out the corners of my eyes, I noticed your glare.
I'll leave you be my fellow friend, just know
I felt your hurt too when you expressed every detail that slipped from your mouth.
It's all going to become better now, do well son I pronounce and take care of yourself.
Do it for the family, do it for me,
Allow every moment to last greatly.

Real words, real thoughts, real references,
What I mention is the truth,
Never to be left questioned or misinterpreted.
The form of performance;
Proper and critique,
I'm forced to sit upright; think straight,
Play pretend with my so called "friends"; act like the person I am.
Disclosed and cold,
Isolated, yet engaged,
A person who unremarkably achieves just anything.
I'm one of the ordinary, but self-expression is considered extraordinary.

I'm not what you wanted,
Not what you need,
And I guess I could carry on and say it's okay,
But in reality, I keep drifting away.
You're tearing me apart,
Ripping my skin from the inside out;
I'm still stuck on an excuse to compensate for lost time.
I always knew you were never meant for me,
Maybe fate guided us, but your intentions were made clear otherwise.
I wasn't prepared for a route to shift and create an unexpected turn,
I just wanted someone to stick by my side, to remain loyal and wholesome,
But I guess that was far too much to ask for.
Given our current circumstance,
I probably should've never expressed myself to you,
Too blind to even consider the sight of unpredictability;
The fact that anything can go any other way at any given moment.
I made myself see what I so desperately craved in another; love
Now that I think of it,
I should've never doubted my gut when it indicated that my ends couldn't tie to yours.

even the greatest fall weak sometimes,
sometimes, people forget to realize,
maybe those certain things didn't occur because they simply weren't made to happen,
Or at least that's what we've obtained periodically.
Thinking and trusting that things just happen for a reason,
Can't possibly compensate or supplant for a lucid explanation as to why situations maintain escalation.
Still wondering why?
Well, I too ponder sometimes.
Even to a fulfilled extent,
It's merely another attempt to feel something yet again.
No reminders or play back buttons to reverse or change time,
Sometimes, we all forget how to embrace the superficial reality of facing the feeling of what it truly makes us feel alive.

Repetition after repetition,
I'm exhausted over the inconsistent text messages you continue sending,
I'm just confused about everything, your lies are making things unclear,
Sometimes I wonder if I don't try, will you still appear?
Not on my mentions, but on your mind,
Will a thought still be drawn to you in the same moment of time?

What you give me is what I receive,
The feelings overloading and essentially controlling me are forcing the inner version of myself to ignore thee,
Block off anyone who interferes with my life in the smallest of ways.
Stress is enough,
I can no longer think straight.
Consistently titling to both ends of our path,
I thought the starting would lead us somewhere beyond the fan stays of great,
But I was kicked and left in the dust with the others,
The prophecy unveiled itself,
I was right since the beginning, but my witless gut remained oblivious to my emotionally unstable self and instead stayed behind with the real you.
I grew attached to you, thinking everything for once would finally accumulate into one enjoyable entirety,
But you shattered me both internally and externally,
Now all I can focus on is how to fix these pieces back together.
Before I loose touch upon myself once more,
I ask anyone for forgiveness, begging on my knees for all to please.
I wish to give the little portion of my purity and happiness to you, now, am I considered the wrong and careless one?
Or are you, the heartless form of me?