on the route of longing, i met you
don't know where you are now; where are you?
my hands are covered with silver sweat
and i am looking for a soul mate

how long will we overlook each other?
at which day will we unite like halves
that become an entirely new creature?
in the moment of sweet oblivion...

the streets are overfilled with ***** beings
are you one of them? are we two of them?
i'm looking for unreal love, you know
just for an idea, maybe for a mate

the difference is located in our greed
the golden lion with the twinkling mane
was roaring me into the land of dreams
is this a correct sentence in english?

can you help me to find you? how?
it's unbearable to be lonely
isolation is a grey, howling wolf
an animal, too close to me, go away

of longing and greed is this poem
its first part revolved about drugs
the second part is about you, babe
if i could only spot you in the masses

will we arrive together at the beach?
you know, in this old hut, close to the waves
it's always warm there, baby, every day
a nice place for kids; an arrival's place

your camouflage is spotless, babe
i want to reveal your inner
it's difficult to find you, babe
you revealed my inner last night

we are apart from each other
although we're sharing the same dreams
green ideas, arrival's smile
real laughter and toxic strangers

how can i find you between 'em?
how will i know that it's you then?
in the middle of my middle
eight syllables, i count on you

you're my lady but you're hidden
among buildings, streets and people
between the glimpses of despair
somewhen, never, always somewhere

the rouge of your bloodstream enchants
my wishes, longing, desire
in the moment of the key-night
we'll stand before our door, baby

maybe i've found you already
maybe you are my wife, baby
maybe you are my wife, baby
maybe i've found you already

decisions are based on forgetfulness
the agony of the sick child inside of me
i can't walk any further, i can't stay here
don't want to jump in front of an express train

the image of my little daughter is present
the way she utters the words "papa" and "hi"
papa is daddy in german, i want to live on
i want to die, i don't want to die in pity

dying an old man is better than suicide
the strings of despair are the strings of hope
route 36 / bolivia / white frost / toxic faces
glaciers of doubts / silverred bloodstream

my heart is beating on 888 beats per minute
battlerapping is a good weapon against depression
been writing against the opponent called myself
it is never about the others but about inner struggle

in long-term rehab, there are many psychologists,
speeding through the aisles of responsibility
around us are deep and darkgreen forests and hills
we are isolated from human civilization to heal

i fear the day of my return into the city of money and sins
the innocence of my two children is tattooed on my body
how could i **** their images by taking my own life?
right now, i am listening to the strings of despair and hope

by the end of the day, each letter will have become dust
a golden lion with a twinkling mane is protecting me
he is a disciple of god and thinks he is just a toy
god's power is greater than every single human act

nothingness was before him and he created nothingness

in the land of golem, shades reign
identities spread all over the ground
they consist of ice-covered letters
names, written in the font of memories

in the land of golem, glimmering reigns
names spread all over the ground
sparkling fireflies hover over words
written in the font of forgiveness

golemland consists of shadows
golemland is a place of lights
guarded by a ward who is on high alert
his name is golem, a wise, weary creature

golem owns a diary with a bluewhite binder
each era is a time of reflection for him
golem walks up a steep mountain track
precisely at 8 o'clock, it's the year 1945

the mountaintop lined with shades, lights
they are transcending into each other
golem takes breath, 76 years passed by
since he started from the bottom

golem is sitting down among creation
it's the moment of a long awaited return
glimmering turns into a glare, relaxation
shades become shadows, tension

golem is looking at a blackwhite sky
his attachments whirring in the clouds
the sounds of the sea blowing upwards
golem closes his eyes, awaiting to die

then, golem is falling asleep and rests

sweaty forehead, a gory past
wildly glowing eyes of oblivion
shivering hands, sirens, bars
freedom, imprisonment, razor blades

peru, coca farmers, chemicals
smuggler channels, route 36
franklin's face on crumpled-up paper
rattling coins, benjamins, stacks

gotta make it or take it
gotta sell or abuse it
flashing louis, abundant future
sweaty forehead, ****** present

biker chapters, brothers, funerals
tommy hauled jim's coffin
rick carried tommy to his grave
cut-offs, gats, one call: ******

despair, hatred, vengeance, omerta
mortals remain silent, angels don't
rain of blood, a puddle of codes
turf, plots, streets, blocks, gangs

cults **** cultures, weapons replace
shelter in a group home; the stabbing
"shaun got heart, he a furious one --
can use dat dude, pay him up"

black, white, african-american, chechens
territories of unspoken laws
intimidated witnesses, gay mobsters
lured teenagers, deadly magic of power

the old ones impress the new ones
newbies will turn into soldiers
**** or get killed; headshots of fear
numbers on the forehead, blueish

unwritten are the rules of some
bribed politicians, skippers, knockos
the one who wets, will be wetted
others prefer the clarity of faith

organized crime, rats and kingpins
multilevel marketing, elevators
glass towers, late and secret meetings
route 36, the white magic of death

it's all in the game


"The only thing that burns in hell is the part of you that won't let go of your life.
Your memories, your attachments, they burn 'em all away. But they're not punishing you, they say. They freeing yourself.

Relax."

(Quote from the film "Jacob's Ladder")

god created the sun
god created rain
rain and sun slept together
a rainbow evolved

every being has a double, somewhen
i'm half gipsy and jewish
bleedin' blueish
wise man told me lies about trueness

smell the fragrance of ghosts
relax, feel, love yourself
i will be praying for you
in rainbows

today, sir, is the day to say thank you
and my way to do so, ermh --
is to write you a poem
i don't know about your past but your

knowledge of mine is vast
you knew me better than my parents
and you spotted the real me during our therapy never said my "father" that he

was proud of me -- but you did, you revealed in me the true kid because you have the gift to lead people to the place where their truth is; most people join the rat race, but you always kept the same pace and you

made it to erase my shame, healing people is what you're here for, reliable and faithful, and regardless of any writer's fame: YOU HAVE A NAME... an inner flame of kindness glows in your soul, you released me from my

blindness, and you helped me dealing with my tormenter: cole, i never felt that you played a role, i sensed you are whole, may god bless your four daughters, and i wished YOU had been my father, but thats fine: cause you

became a father figure, and soon i figured that your goodness makes you richer than a person owning millions, i do thank you a billion times for being
a mirror who is speaking, at our first session i

shivered, but hid it, you opened me, and noted nothing down, you just listened and saved me from drowning
each letter is for you, each word proves my gratitude how can you have this attitude? how do you do this?

im not idealizing, yet, you're my idol, cause you taught me bout my anger, that as a child, i never had a man as a rival, i had lost my destination and you were my arrival

Fakhri Khalik, you were my arrival.
You stopped my denial.
You are a huge part of my survival.

You are my arrival, I am your disciple.

Forever Yours.

Max