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 Sep 2016 Marie Darling
Eloi
Cold hearted,
Iced blood,
These feelings of pain, come in like a flood.

Blue veins,
****** lips,
Take some more pills, go for a kip.

Visable rib cage,
Hunched back,
Skin and bones,
Smoke some crack.

Black eyes,
Bruised lies,
Smoking in chains to pass the time.

Winter comes,
Cold and ******,
I sit here alone,
Waiting for you to come home.


Christmas arrives,
I wonder why,
You had to leave,
And no longer breathe.

So, I'll stay in bed all day,
Put the gifts away,
And remember the day,
That you said you'd stay.
she stood under the awning
of her first-floor balcony
cherry lips
and vanilla skin
******* one of your smoke rings
she said

i hear there are subtle flavors
lawn grass and different woods
chocolate, maybe
i want the smoke in my lungs
and my heart to pump the
nicotine high through my bloodstream
i want the tingles and the buzz
they all talk about
i want to know
the taste of your mouth

he only laughed
then let her know about
broken time in the rain-dewed grass
and cigarette ash
on the white wood patio
unfiltered disappointment
from his cancer stick
lingering in her shiny new hair
no. just no.
I never could stand cigarettes
That was just the way it went
But now they remind me of your lips and
I think I love their scent
We used to be best friends until you got a boyfriend.
Now I don't have a best friend.
We were like sisters.
Doing everything together.

We stopped talking.
You treat me like I'm a *******.
What did I ever do to you?

I found a new best friend.
She is everything better than you are.




She got a boyfriend.
She slowly is fading away just like you were.
Why did I even think I deserved another friend if all they do is leave me?

She promises, promises, and promises she won't leave.
One day, I promise she will leave me just like you.

This is all because they got a boyfriend.
We sit behind screens.
Of phones.
Of computers.
We say our goodnights.
listening through headphones.
Speakers on our phone.
We message non stop.
I can't wait to see you.
I can't wait to hold you.
We dream of being together.
One day that day will come.
Right now, we sit here behind computer screens.
You staring into my eyes as I write this poem.
*I love you
My demons don't like
the food that I eat.
They taunt me, sending me
running to the bathroom in defeat.

You are not worthy, they say
as I bow at their request.
That food was no good.
now the toilet bowl is my only rest.

My heart breaks, slowly
and pained tears begin to fall.
I have nothing left to give, I say,
I've already given you my all.

I stand and try without success
to wipe my steady tears away.
Looking in the mirror at my swollen eyes
I remind myself tomorrow is a new day.
 May 2016 Marie Darling
Jane Bell
I can't return my regretted actions
I can't apologize for ruining your life
I can't move on from my past
I can't be anyone better
I can't escape where I am
I am this sickening person
I am this borned curse
I am dead
Or I wish I was..
I look at the mirror
Completely disgusted
My face is too clear
It should be busted

So I punch my cheeks
And yank out my hair
One of my many self-harm streaks
Should I even dare?

A pair of scissors
Right below my fingers
Should I pick it up
And if I do, where should I cut?
I look around my body
And find my arms empty
Of much needed punishment
So I attempt to cut my flesh

But I couldn't bring myself
To break through my skin
So I put the scissors back in
And cried again
Begging for some kind of help
But I never got it
And I never will
A poem about depression and the urge to punish yourself.
TRIGGER WARNING*
She is the girl.
She's the girl with her creamy, chocolate eyes.
She's the girl with her curly, crazy hair to match her personality.
She's my best friend.
I can't help but stare up and down at her curves,
but you're not supposed to look at your friends like that, I realized.
It felt like a knife,
similar to the one kept hidden safely in my bedroom,
penetrated my heart.
It hurts.
Having a sleep over with a Christian friend
"Any boys ya like?"
Having to bite my tongue until it bleeds so I won't blurt my secret.
It hurts.
Having one of my closest friends pretends I'm not there,
after I come out to her.
It hurts.
Why am I like this?
I scream into the night,
sharpening my nails and slicing my skin.
I bleed,
it hurts.
Why can't I be normal?
I guess my heart just doesn't go that way,
I guess I'm gay.
She's my best friend.
She's the girl with the curly, crazy hair to match her personality.
She's the girl with her creamy, chocolate eyes.
She's the girl.
*****TRIGGER WARNING******
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