I keep a lot of things
Inside a box under my bed
All the confessions left unspoken
All the things I never said

All the silenced "I love you"s
Every drowned out "please"
Every word I've ever swallowed
I keep them under lock and key

So every time that I seem quiet
When I refuse to make a sound
That's just me adding a new collection
To my box that will never be found

But maybe one day I'll find someone special, who really cares to see
Who will reach into my coat pocket
And find my secret key

Maybe then we'll sit together
And look at every one
I think I'll be able to talk much better
With every knot and noose undone

But I suppose that's just a dream of mine
And all these words drawn out with lead
Are just a new addition
to the box under my bed

I've discovered
That people can slip from your grasp,
And sometimes all you can do is sit and watch.

All I wanted was to be
Your friend.
The person you'd come to.

You were supposed to be
The one.
The only one.

And yet, here we are.
Distant strangers
That never met.

(-DF-04/25/16-)

For three years we spent walking around the fall leaves talking about our dreams
As if the leaves themselves were crumpled up notes with our dreams scratched on them
You'll never know how hard it's been
Constantly wishing for a 'tomorrow button'
To restart and restitch ourselves at the seams
We have the same holes in our hearts
But maybe I'll finally be able to wash your blood off my hands and keep them clean
And keep ourselves from falling apart
I spent this past summer transferring from trains
Collecting nickels from city sidewalks to keep whatever left of sane I have in me
And for every dollar I should've saved
I could've bought a newfound love
Not for us
But for myself
I spent this past winter learning what "cold" really meant
That no blanket, no heater, no love could ever warm
I insisted on falling in love with glaciers almost my whole life
But eventually I made friends with the sun
And remained enemies with no one but myself
Because I allowed you to feed me lit matches
As you watched my paper insides go up in flames
and now all that's left are the ashes of my memories you claim you no longer know
being swept between the living room rug and couch
where our lips used to perfectly align together
But we both know we can't make homes out of abandoned places
So that's why our love continues to collect dust with our furniture
Somedays it's still summer and the window's open and im falling asleep to the sound of the cars outside your window
But I wake up every morning hoping that you'd call so I can finally ask "in what year does our spring never come?"

She tucked in my shirt
and patted my head,
“Always be yourself”
was the first thing she said.

She painted my lips
and powdered my nose,
called me a daisy,
but wanted a rose.

She looked at my shoes
and gave me her heels,
noticed my body,
restricted meals.

She ignored my work
chastised my art,
gathered my drawings,
ripped them apart.

She decided my plans,
outlined each day,
gave me one order -
“don’t disobey.”

She tucked in my shirt
and patted my head,
“You’re nothing without me”
was the last thing she said.

You do not answer.
Why do you not?
Please, don't leave me here.
It's too dark, I can't see a thing.

Do you still remember?
You used to hug me a lot.
You are the one thing I do not fear.
I love you, I want to hear you sing.

I love your voice,
It is so beautiful.
I love you for who you are.
There's no need to change.

But you leave me no choice.
You have grown forgetful.
The light is fading from your star,
Yet still we have words to exchange.