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Lydia Mar 2017
How could you have let someone speak to you like that?
How did you put up with it for so long?
You gave so much of yourself away
it wasn't fair
you did everything for him and he drained you
he never even noticed if the floors were swept and mopped
but I bet now he does
he spoke to you like you were trash
now I bet he sees how fast it builds up when you don't take it out
You raised his son all on your own
but he took all the credit
I bet now he knows why you felt so alone
Now it's too late and he took you for granted
You shine for the old you
You be the girl you were always meant to be without him
You be the girl you always wanted to be back on those morning he would talk down to you and say nasty things and make you feel like you were nothing
Lydia Nov 2016
The fan is on, the constant hushing sound adding rhythm to the room
I can hear the hum of cars passing by outside my window
a added sense that I am not alone even though I am here by myself
Novembers cooling touch has crept in
nipping at my toes, drying my already dry pale skin
my favorite time of year when life seems to slow down, putting a glow on the usually bland days
here in my bed under the warmth of my flannel blankets all is right with my world
but my brain still finds something to bring the anxiety out
I thought if I started writing down my thoughts on paper it would lessen the night time stress
but then I stress about not writing on the nights I forget
the streetlight outside my window flashes a constant shadow on my wall
and I find comfort in that
something about the added light on my wall is friendly, familiar
when my brain finally shuts off I fall into dreams of my past
of people I haven't seen in years, all the stories blend into one
repeating like a rerun
at least I still have dreams
even if they're only in my sleep
Lydia May 2016
I feel like I've found my niche
with this walking thing
I started because I found it makes my baby happy
he sleeps so good in the rocky stroller
falling into slumber with each bounce and groove in the sidewalk
I started to realize it was therapeutic
for the both of us
I find myself actually looking forward to
waking up so I can start my
morning and go for my walk
the air is clearer and so is my mind
I like to know I'm growing stronger everyday
I like to push myself to go further
walk faster
think harder
my walks are where my thoughts
come together
where I process my life and give myself time to be fully
me
sometimes my mind is blank
and I am just feet on the ground
leaving an untraceable path
burning calories and fat
into muscle and progress
I think I found my thing
a thing I like to do
even if it does seem small and simple
it makes me feel good
and when something makes you feel like this
why would you stop
Lydia Oct 2015
Tonight just isn't going my way
I am not in the best mood and
apparently neither is he
I got excited for no reason
did my makeup for no reason
looked forward to today for no reason
I may as well have never gotten out of bed
It just isn't my day
I want to be in a better mood
I want to cheer up
In less than an hour we will be in bed
and today will be over
Lydia Oct 2015
In the weirdest, yet most important of ways this was one of the sweetest things I'll ever be told

whether we want to admit it or not we can grow up, move away, find another and start a family but you never truly forget your first love
there will forever be a place in your heart for the first one you gave it to
that person got parts of you that no one else ever will because that YOU was one of a kind
and the kind of love you shared is crazy, and infatuating and raw and maybe one of the most real things you experience regardless of when that comes to you
whether like me, you were 14 and naiive or 20 and experiencing that "first love" for the first time, it's a kind of special that no one can take from you
and I urge you to hold onto that

those memories made you into who you are today
that person gets a piece of you that they will never give back,
and you'll be walking down the street one day and you'll hear a song coming from a car passing by and it will remind you of them
Or
while you are grocery shopping with your pregnant belly and a cart full of produce, someone will walk by and you will smell their detergent
and it will take you back to that dingy old bedroom, with *** stained sheets and cigarette butts on the floor and you'll smile in the bittersweetness of those memories
they will be there to stay
for the rest of your days
those little moments will be all yours, and no one can take that from you...

"that means a lot, and i am sorry for being a **** as a younger person. i am glad you took something positive from it at all and not just remember me as an asswhipe (i was). you have kinda been the girl every one of them gets compared to as far as being a good or bad gf lol. even if i died tomorrow, the things i understand and what i have in my heart - i could say i lived a full enough life to have gotten the idea. thank you lydia."
No one really understands how this made my heart glow. I found out my high school boyfriend, my first love, was in a serious car accident a few days ago and I felt ill about it. Im not in love with him like I used to be, but I love him and the thought of someone who had such a huge impact on my life being hurt like that was too much for me to not acknowledge. When I messaged him I let him know how much him and those memories meant to me and his response made my heart glow. To know that he compares other girls to me makes me feel truly good, because I seriously gave my all to him and I loved him completely. It makes me feel good to know he acknowledged that, that I meant as much to him as he did to me
Lydia Oct 2015
I'm tired of being jealous of other people's lives
I want to make a life that someone else is envious of
that makes them want to change their lives for the better
that makes them question how they're living or what they really wanna do
If they're staying true to themselves
or just doing what everyone else wants
Lydia Oct 2015
I've cried as much as my eyes will let me
I don't think there's anything left in my ducts to pour out
but my heart still hurts just the same
I cried because I am frustrated
I am sick of this situation were always in
I cried because I don't know how we're going to do it
even though I know we will
I guess I cried because it's going to be so hard  
I cried because I don't believe in myself the way I act like I do
I am so scared all the time
I don't know what I'm doing and I am scared of being in pain
I cried because my life is going to change in ways I hadn't even considered yet
the days we had are gone and I miss them already
I cried because life is scary and I haven't felt this alone in so long
I cried because I feel bad for feeling this way
it's not my babies fault I am feeling unprepared
it is my own
I just feel so alone and full of regrets tonight
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