honey, i dont play these games
my arms are too frail for tug-of-war

you made me an entire universe
but refused to live in it with me

so now i stare at the stars
and wonder which one is your spaceship
and wonder why you havent come to visit me

in this universe you made for me
in this universe you made for us
in this universe that is my prison

they called me crazy
for refusing to pick flowers
for saving spiders from the kitchen
and for talking to birds rather than humans

they called me crazy
for clawing at my wrists
for eating my own words
and for tearing out my hair for allowing myself to feel

nothing ever satisfies
when you worry about the endless amount
of "they"
and "them"
and what "they" think

nothing ever satisfies
when "they" meet your demons
and "they" make a home
in your own ******* ribs

i poured my
heart
into a jar
with a
hole
in the bottom

they always told me
that my heart would never heal
if i kept letting it break
and break
and break
and break
but i never listened
and probably never will
because i gave up on caution when i was 12
nowadays i claw at my throat
and tear at my hair
pick at scabs on my forehead
and play with pencil sharpener blades
all to get away
just to get away
maybe one day i'll get away
but for now i am stuck
in this never ending ocean
of chewed up words
and scarred skin
and fragments of memories once held dear
because once anything gets close enough to me it shatters
just as i have shattered myself

and i realized today
how much effort it takes
to love me

because when i do not
love myself
you have to love me
enough for two people