i write about him
so much
because i keep hoping
that he'll finally
let them in,
let them love him
comfort him
transform him
into the person
i'm actually writing about

I wonder about you everyday—
Every little thing.
Did you miss my voice today?
I miss your voice.
Did you cry today?
If so, let my hands
Clear the storm of your eyes.
Did you smile today?
I miss your smile
It has made life worthwhile.
How is school?
What have you learned?
What have you forgotten?

I need to know if you will eventually
End up forgetting me and all that we have.
I need to know if you still love me
And need me in your life.
Who, what, where, why, and when?
Your being is all I'm seeing.
Who, what, where, why, and when?
Your being is all I'm seeing.

Am I on your mind as you drift off at night?
Am I what you dream of at night?
Am I the first you think of when you wake up?
Do you gaze over at your passenger seat, longing for me to be there?
We would drive along holding hands listening to music for hours—
Does every little thing remind you of me?
Your love greets me at all hours.
Do you crave my lips as I do yours?
When you close your eyes can you feel me?
Does your body ache for my touch?
My soul wants to leave this body in search of yours.

I need to know if you will eventually
End up forgetting me and all that we have.
I need to know if you still love me
And need me in your life.
Who, what, where, why, and when?
Your being is all I'm seeing.
Who, what, where, why, and when?
Your being is all I'm seeing.

i close my eyes . . .
your lips brush mine like a dream
your fingertips lay on mine
as a musician's before he plays a masterpiece
a whisper wafts around my hair,
toying with it lovingly
i suppose that's when i realized
reality is a daydreamer's playground
and you are my best friend.
we hold hands like
we don't want to let go but even if we do we never really do
and we run like our legs are trying to catch up
with our heartbeats--
i always run a little faster with you.
music sounds like your laughter over the phone at 2 am
and your footsteps beside me
and your endless ways of saying "i love you."
you are my greatest symphonies and my
most quiet hums.
you are an unbreakable pinky promise.
you are a dream and you are
all the stars and constellations that adorn my night sky

my mind,
I am
wandering the dessert
thirsting for an oasis
in midst of a whisper
following the voices
under a sky so bless'd
I think I'm dying
I know I cannot see
I hope I'm just blind
and there's more than this
more than what is mine
that it was only me
hiding underneath the blind
low
waiting to be freed


No,


please leave
breathe
I think I lost my mind
for one moment
I thought
I left it all behind
I forgot
I ought
give it more time
but it still feeds on my soul
noises still make me wither
as I speak in rhymes
so confused
breathing cigarettes

I think that I've found
Where I have gone wrong
Replacing my needs
With all of my wants

Letting all that I see
Outweigh all that I've got
Thinking I need
That which I have not

Not being satisfied
With all that I have
Wanting what I think should be mine
Until there's nothing left

Not thinking that less
Is  really what's best
When it comes to the wants
Verses needs that I have

Does it ever cross your mind? The thought of losing me, I mean. Does it sting like fire ants? Painful but not serious.

I don't know when or how the butterflies in my stomach turned to wasps, stinging the muscles, making it sore and burn but I swear at one point, we were the most beautiful human chromosomes paired....

or was it always an option? Leaving me, I mean.