I hear the laughter
Echoing through my head
Haha I hear the sarcasm
Floating up from under my bed
No fuzzy monsters
No, the devil instead

It's funny you see
He looks in my eyes
When he tells me the truth
It sounds like lies
Funnier yet that
He smiles so humanly at me
I feel him wearing me down
Until I can't see

Better still
He kills me softly
Without will
He buries me
A whisper of my name
Left still wet on his lips
These deadly, deadly games
Left my soul a fragile wisp

Maybe I should have read the rules more carefully

Falling from the open
Sky
Sinking, sinking
Takes away my breath
As if I had any left
Ships sailing, stay afloat
On top of my tears
An ocean filled
Below the surface
Lay diamonds
Burried in the sand
And all my dreams
That couldn't swim
Are spit back up on land
The winds bellow a
Gruff howl
Sinking, sinking
Enveloped by the waters
Caress
Soft
       Gentle
             Careful
Beautiful sunshine
      Smiling above
Hello
                         Goodbye
They swam off into the sea

When I awakened
There was nothing left
Not soul on Earth
Not a single breath

I looked outside
With dread and sorrow
At the empty streets
There is no tomorrow

My fingers shook
With fear and pain
To see my brothers,
Broken and slain

I am the survivor
The guilt came fast
How could I have lived
When all have passed?

I sank to my knees
My head back in despair
I folded my hands
And sent out a prayer

Please take me too
The guilt is too much
Without friends or family
Who're warm to the touch

An angel appeared
A bright swirling light
With a voice that said
"Please live and fight

Although the day seems dim
There is still hope to bear
For you're not the only one
Who wanders in despair

There is one more
Shes kind and not afraid
She will bring a light inside
That's just as bright as day"

I dared to rest my eyes
On the swirling mass of light
In its reflection
It was me ready to fight

I am kind and not afraid
I am as bright as the light of day
I am strong and I will fight
With all my heart and all my might

Hills and trees that I have passed before,
It is so familiar,
Yet it seems so alien to me now,
What was once peaceful,
Is now tainted by the memories,
I don't want to remember,
I don't want to see,
So as I pass these hills and these trees,
I turn my head and lock it away,
Back into its cage,
Where it will stay

I am not the same
No, even though my name
Remains

I still look alike
But I changed

My eyes are a bit trusting
My heart I've been dusting
And maybe ill open my arms

Am I the same child?
Oh no I'm no child
Not anymore

I've walked a long road
Did most of what I was told
And stood out so bold

Took flight in the sky
This love ill try
Please... Don't hurt me

Could I just be damaged ?
Could I be savaged ?
All these years I've managed
To salvage the day

Ill pick up the ruins
Tour the tombs
And leave knowing
My hearts in place

Young I am,
Gifted I am as well,
Negative remarks ,
Leave marks, but they fade,
Forgotten in time,
Young I am,
Strong I am as well,
I hold the world on my shoulders,
Young I am,
Caring I am as well,
I wipe away your pain with my healing fingers,
Young I am,
Naive I am as well,
I will give my heart to the wrong man,
Young I am,
Wrong I will be too,
But not always,
Dont always assume
Young I am,
But wise I am as well,
Smart like the cat,
Quick and fierce

The sun blazed down angrily that afternoon,
Sweat tracing a path down the backs of the hunched inmates
A moment of rest that felt so sweet but was over too soon
"Back to work!" spit spewing from between the guards thin lips

It had been 17 days since inmate 33421 had seen her face
The beauty with the dark strands of silk spilling down her back
And cerulean eyes that held such innocence
An innocence that had no business settling it's gaze on this brutish hell

But 17 days was an eternity here
And no doubt that pure soul was gone
No doubt the blood that seeped from overworked hands,
and the hunger that stained those empty mouths
and dressed their bodies in bones and sheets of flesh
and the anger and desperation that drove a person to the barest instincts,
had robbed that beauty of her innocence.

No, innocence would never last in a place like this.
Angels were not meant to live among demons
And that was what they had all become.

They who shut their bulging eyes in exhaustion
Slip away into a restless sleep
Fall asleep to the hopes of never opening their eyes again
Only to awaken in the morning to the soul clenching gut pains
and the agony that settled itself deep in their bones making a permanent home.

Others fell asleep hollow
And awoke the same way
Hollow with no dreams, or thoughts,
Only the mechanical need to do.

To keep on living
Although inside they're truly deceased
But the human brain is wired to live
To survive

Ah, no there was no way the beautiful soul 33421 had seen
Could still look upon the light of day and smile at the sun
Not when the sun cursed them as strongly as the men that stalked
back and forth behind the gates hated them.
Not while they all became the monsters
They were accused of being.

All those that I have hurt, made suffered, and tore down
I am sorry, so sorry because I was the broken one
No excuses, no guise, no half assed disguise
It was me to scared to open
For my heart has been broken
So many times that its shattered
I didn't think it mattered
If I broke and I pushed
But now I can see
My eyes have been opened
And slowly I can heal
From the pain and the torture
I never allowed myself to feel
So I am sorry,
So sorry
To all of those I have hurt
To those who have cried
To those who I've lied to
To those who have tried to help
And I only pushed away
I beg of you that someday
You might forgive me
Because while I am still not whole yet
I am half way there
And while I still breathe heavy
From running all these years
I refuse to look at the times that are so dark
I refuse to look away
Today it's time I really grew up
Faced the crowd
And just pray

Harsh and bitter diatribe
Broken deep alone inside
A sad story to call our own
Hiding in this lonesome home
Crying when no ones around
Waiting but im never found
In my eyes my pain is clear
Screaming loud but no one hears
Help me I am falling fast
In the present and in the past
But no one has time to see
My growing flaming agony

What happened to the 'I love you's'
To the family hugs?
To the we will be the safe place?
It seems like we're all seperating
Though we are so close
No not emotionally
Just physically
Emotion seemes to have fled
Even though we had pledged
To stay together
She's there
He's here
No love found in the middle of the table
We don't say grace this time
Have we all lost faith?
Has hope disappeared ?
I wish I could just rewind
Before all the bad things happened
But in life there's lessons
The severity of the lesson
Depends on our reactions

String lights reflect in
Your eyes like stars
Emotions build inside
Yet I don't know who you are

My heart bleeds for you
Like fresh cuts across my skin
I would leave it all for you
But you are my sin

My words die at my tongue
Because your eyes swallow me
I am tongue tied
By your intensity

Wailing inside
Because I
Will never be
Enough

For you

The walls are spinning
Spinning! Spinning!
The staues are grinning
Grinning! Grinning!
Left high off this atmosphere
The looming staircase leering
Down at me
It's becoming harder to see
Faintly remember falling
Through the floor
Into an open door
Where I landed in a store
Ceilings made of mirrors
Reflect my past terrors
The shelves are empty
Kind of like me
I'm dashing to find the exit
But I can't find it!
I need out!
I need to shout
Push my way through my own skin
Escape all of my sins
I'm diffident in my body
Somebody just stop me
I'm speeding
Faster than light
And
I
Just
         Might .......


Crash

Life began somewhere
It was birthed by the endless universe
It's being an enigma unfathomable by the human mind
But the need inside me,
the burning passion twisting through my bones
suffocating my heart
Swelling in my soul
and intoxicating my blood
begs for the ability to reach out and grasp the understanding

I need to know where the beginning is
I just need to know
My human mind thirsting for the knowledge
Curiosity programmed inside me

It is nearly a physical pain
That I will never know the secrets of the Earth
The hushed whispers faintly brushing my ear drums
And dancing away before I can decipher them

Like a constant dance
we waltz beneath; or inside space?
On this ball of fire locked away by soil
Earth Bound

The need to know life beyond Earthly inhabitants
It's like it has consumed me
I no longer fear Death
I have come to terms with my old friend

In the end I will catch a glimpse of what waits
after my mortality has outlived the shell it sleeps in
Maybe I will be granted wings to fly
in spaces galaxies, endless as they are
Until I am to be reborn

Maybe Earth Bound
Maybe Space Bound

Lock me away
Inside these steel bars
Where I will fade
The loneliness in my patronizing heart
I can hear the voices in my head telling me to let go
But I told them no
I told them no

A beast inside of a beast
Four legged or two
A beast thick with fur, or a full head of hair
A beast you thought you knew
Until the full moon slips into the sky
And the two legged beast turns to four
A sharp piercing howling cry
Unravels the truth of the lore
Running along side a pack of beasts of four legs
The thick pads of their paws imprint the ground
And the need of speed simply begs
For the four legged beast to be found
Running tell that large moon lit brightly in the sky
Lowers it's shining head beyond the horizon
The four legged beast turn back too two with a cry
Saddened that the race was done
Looking up at the pastel sky the beast says until next time
And off he goes to resume his normal life

They paint pictures
Of golden gates cloaked in mist
Have you sinned?
How is it humanly possible
To never sin?
And if you do
You must beg forgiveness?
And forgiveness will be given
If you forgive yourself?
People portray god
As a man that gave his life for us
They say he wants all his children
To be happy?
But then they say he would never except
Anyone who is of the same ***
And in love?
In my mind it bounces from wall to wall
How could simple people
Parents, except their children
And love them
But a man so just and unselfish
Not?
Who is god in my eyes?
I can ask myself this all the time
But I don't know
We're deceived everyday
I can't allow myself to believe
That he would
Cast away his children
Because they chose to love

Take whats left of me
Take it and throw it away
The filth that stains my heart
Scrub me clean

Take my remains
and make me new
The dark is hungry
Calling my name

And then there's the mirrors
Filled withe regret
It's unfair
I think

Staring at something without
Meaning
Something that just withers
Something that dies

Death is just a reminder
That we're all limited
With expiration date

A flash in the sky
One question, why?
A small bit of fear
The feeling that it's near
The mentioning of stranger things
A presence from above the radio sings
The dark night sky filled by lights
Are the sightings right
The things that roam inside my head
At night when the stop light is red

The morning light spilt in through the window
The birds chirped a soft melody
The curtains swayed with the breeze
And I watched the ebbing trees
Today I honor a woman I trust
A woman who gives me all
Today I honor a woman so strong
A woman who never falls
Fighting through all the blood and disaster
Fighting through all the pain
This woman fought for everything I have
And crazily she's still sane
I love you mom
Don't ever forget
That I love you with all my heart
And you fight for us even if we don't see it
And I will never forget

Your eyes are tame
Your voice is hushed
You look mundane
But your look makes me blush
Beneath your guise I bet you are
Soft and tender , all at the same
The type of person
That lives by one name
I'll remember you by one I choose
I don't pick winners , because they truly lose
I like your vibe , I like your look
Give me back what others took
Ill give you as much in return
Let our love and passion burn

A new face
You make me wonder
You make me laugh
From across the rows
Of desks
I feel your gaze
Bite my lip
To stay still
You watch me with courios eyes
But when I turn my head
Your gaze shifts off
How you make me want to
Just grab your hand
And place it above my beating heart
To feel your warmth
Leaking through my skin
To gaze into your eyes
To run my fingers through your silk hair
To feel you there
Just to breath
In your scent
Drink you in
Never releasing you
But I only smile shyly
And watch the ground while I walk past you
Someday
Maybe
I'll grow the courage