I would have waited for you
if you had said
something.
I would have waited for you
if you had said
anything
other than
nothing.

people know what they are capable of
you knew that you would ruin me
before you even knew me
and yet,
that didn't stop you

Don't break my heart and walk away
Then come back and expect me to welcome you back

Don't think that my heart is your stool (seat)
You can sit on and relax and watch me make a fool (of myself)

You may have run out of your supply and need a naive like me
But don't expect that fools will not grow wise one day
Your behavior's so predictable,  stone blinds shall stare

Don't make me laugh
Your not in love with me
Let me tell you why
It's just your fantasy

Cause this is not love
You surely are mistaken
You've never felt love 
or anything close to it
Cause you never had 
love to under stand
You were too busy with pleasing
Standing up to expectations
Trying to fit a larger than life figure
Chasing dreams that were impossible
You drove yourself harder 
Hoping that somehow you'd make up for the affection you did not receive.
Your running on empty 
And empty is all you can give.

Love is not keeping yourself bottled
And taking flight for the smallest threat.
To your grandiosity.
Love is not sending cryptic clues
Trying to gauge responses
Love is not in hiding
But in making itself felt
Love's presence is silent
Yet the warmth radiates.

So I have nothing to expect from you.
Your tethering is not astonishing
I can understand the see-saw you feel inside.
An emotional wave you fear to ride.

So it's best we let bygones be what they are meant to be.
Don't start the process all over.
Try not to kindle the spark
Cause the fires have blown over.
I've healed myself, of the emptiness you've left behind.
I am not turning back this time.
My resolve is deep,  my mind made up.
I have promises made to myself.
To live a full life and always be content.

So, heads up I walk into my future
Closing the door of my past.
Letting go of the riddle of a relationship
And leaving the hurt behind.
You are now a closed chapter.
The book I could not complete.

Maybe if you liked yourself a little less,
You could have liked me.

just the idea of you loving me
makes me love you
I wonder if that makes me a narcissist
or just someone who’s been lonely for a very very long time

I wish it were easy to forget
the nice things, such small things and yet
one nice word keeps me hanging on
I forget all of the things you've done wrong
Those times when you called me a *****
and all of that nasty *******.
When you smile, your words get swept under
and I forget that the bad guy exists.

Your soul is so weak it seeks me to defeat
and I allow it to win every time.
I'm a sucker for every punch line.
You couldn't know how I feel
or maybe you do and you're loving the deal
I never stay angry for long
with me you can have what ever you want.
So now when you pick up my calls
I'll know its not me that you're wanting at all
Just a promise of somebody there
And me, silly me - I love you
and you -
Just love,  how much I care.

Changing molds
so i can force myself
through a you shaped hole.
I cut myself Down
to the image that I think you see in me.
In the mirror I can't see myself,
Much less imagine actually being me.

Who am I?
Well, This is it.
I'm a mess and a misfit.
the one who's got it figured out
but really doesn't know ****.
I'm the people pleaser
who never gets what she desires
and then wonders why the emptiness continues to transpire.
I like to deny the fact that I'm a liar.
I like to create
comfortable places in my head
where feelings can go unfelt
and things can be left unsaid.

Just a million little pieces.
My faces.
switched off and on in different places. Different phases.
A million little pieces of you
and every one I knew.
Now I can't find who I am.
Just what I was in my memories.
I can't decide who i was
ever even trying please.

At ease.
I pray for God
to break me down to my core.
To give me strength to stand up
For the things I love and adore.
To never hide behind lies,
sit back and slip
Right through your fingertips.
To be true to my soul
and really start to exist.