Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
May 2018 · 256
Life's Ichor
Javier Garza May 2018
Wading in the murky puddle
You search for it
You thirst for it
The purified water
The clean elixir

The mud slows you down as the anxiety builds
Soon desperation has sunk its fangs

Yearning for the far out of reach clear elixer
You land on your knees
Crying to the heavens
Agonizing over your parched, burning throat

You collect the tears unseen,
Drink your own toxins hoping to sedate the fire
Instead you strengthen the resentful flames

All you see is the puddle you're wading through,
Suffering, dying, searching for Life's ichor
Never once looking up,
Never truly opening your eyes
Never once catching glimpse of the enormous lake up ahead with clean water
We all yearn for something in this world,  something that'll make us feel better, something that will quench our suffering even if ever so slightly. Yet we tend to look for it in all the wrong places, going about it in all the wrong ways, turning something that might've been wonderful,  into another instrument in our masochistic self torture; furthering our inner suffering. When in fact, what was truly healthy, could be been achieved had we opened our eyes and seen things differently.
Apr 2018 · 215
Cataracts
Javier Garza Apr 2018
Opened eyes that see so little
Cataracts of cynicism cloud your life
You preach about how you see reality
Yet you fall prey to your own illusion

Denied of a life of warmth and light
You bear the burden of your own grudge
Struggling with the pain
Baring your fangs to all who come near you

Pride that's shallow
It leads the way to solitude
Are your broken beliefs worth this much?
Has your anger tainted you beyond repair?

Strength that is a fraud
You stand tall with those blind eyes ablazed
That power of yours is nothing more than a lie to hide your pain
People tend to hide from reality and live a lie just to not hurt.
Mar 2018 · 179
Mask Of Lies
Javier Garza Mar 2018
Fell for the Mask
Was fooled by the illusion
Thought it was my light
That it was hope;
It was nothing but a reflection from the porcelain lie

Slipped into the fantasy,
And now the Mask starts to crack

Crevices part through the facade
And I fall
I fall into the darkness behind the Mask
To a place where there's no light
Not anything to shine upon the harsh reality

I made this Mask
I put it on willingly;
Now I crumble alongside my Mask of lies
Sep 2017 · 495
Inside
Javier Garza Sep 2017
I'm weak
I shed tears
I curl up into weakness
And bleed silver regrets

Can't stand on my own
My mirrage was a fraud
Solitude isn't strength
It's hell

I scream
When I lose all control
My power stripped leaves me genuine
I'm the secret you all hold dear

I fall apart
Fools gold won't be bought by everyone
Discerning eyes will see the truth
The ugly that we all hide

I'm human
What we deny
For power and status
We shun what makes us valuable
The raw emotions that makes us weep and bleed
I'm the part of you that has been deemed too strong to display
Too strong to share
Why do we hide that which makes us humans, that which makes us who we are
Aug 2017 · 148
Untitled
Javier Garza Aug 2017
if you want to bask in the shine of this double edge sword, bear the bittersweet bliss of being around him while the whole time hoping for more, expecting less, and enjoying the moment as it happens
Jul 2017 · 247
Untitled
Javier Garza Jul 2017
He struggles to drag the pencil
Can't find the strength to pick up the brush
Falls into the pure canvas

How can he depict the colors that haunt him
The vivid oils that torment him

With shaking hands,
The pen floats above the untainted
To smear the dark ink would be to sin

Tears are all the empty canvas take
No polluted graphite to smear it
Paint won't wound the prestine white

Preserve the innocent
Protect the untainted
Even if it's a lie,
Even if under the surface colors reign in chaos
Jul 2017 · 248
Untitled
Javier Garza Jul 2017
We're on the same ship
Sailing through vicious storms
Bearing through the cold dark

But we're landing on different shores
Seeing different worlds
Walking different paths
Jul 2017 · 244
Hurt
Javier Garza Jul 2017
Bottle after bottle
Liquor can't save you
No escape

Unprovoked attacks
To redirect your anger
The disappointment you can't evade

Ashamed of what you once were
Tried to wash your hands
But the muddy water didn't evaporate

Haunting you everyday
The shadow of pain
You can't run from who you were

No matter how much to close your eyes
Things won't change
I'm here to stay
The hurt you hate
Mar 2017 · 240
Strength
Javier Garza Mar 2017
I welcomed the pain
Shrouded myself in self loathing
I forged my armor in the coals of my anger
Soaked my blade in a well of tears

I made my suffering my power
Found strength in being broken

Fighting through,
I never backed down,
Always kept pushing
Bearing my teeth to all who stood in my way

But when there's no one left to fight,
How can I cling onto my pain?
The one thing that made me strong
Will eventually dissipate
And all that'll be left, is to find strength elsewhere
Mar 2017 · 281
Atlas
Javier Garza Mar 2017
Stood tall,
Took the blame
Never thought twice about it

Kept on fighting
Trying to see through the dark
Not realizing my flame went out

Legs gave out
When did I stop registering the pain?

The tears kept running down the canyon
Same old river that cut through the solid earth

Fell to the ground
Weight finally breaking my body

Tried to lead them
Hold them up high
Protect them so they never bear this pain

Lying down now broken and weak
Who'll hold me?
Who'll block the sharp winds,
The unending storms?

But most importantly,
Who'll take my spot once I'm dead and gone?
Unable to protect them any more,
Does that mean I've failed?
Jan 2017 · 289
Reality
Javier Garza Jan 2017
I'm not motivated at all. I once held high aspirations, dreams unlike most, fought to be strong, to hold my pride and marvel at my strength, to accomplish what most can't. Yet I grew weary. It's a constant battle. If not my own, the others and the world's. Constant trumoil, with little true accomplishments. Watching as it all begins to rot, knowing that changing that is near to impossible. For it is these thoughts, that call for revolution, for change, for justice, true unbiased justice. To be born in a world where ignorance gets you killed and ridiculed, yet no matter what, we remain with some sort of blindfold, ignorant forevermore. To unveil it and see with true eyes, to see the depressing reality, why it crushes what little hope I held for humanity. Dimmed it down to a low flickering flame. I rather leave the blindfold, even if I can see through it, at least it'll block some of reality away. Because no one truly lives in it anymore. They all hide with their "justified" thoughts. Believing only their way is correct. That any other path will lead to self destruction. Not trying to seek other roads, to detach themselves and see life for what it is. Instead they aim to create life what the wish for it to be. With many individuals doing this, reality isn't real. But a mirage. And the battle isn't to bring peace or make things right, but to have their mirage be the strongest, to make it reality. So to hell with it. Let my soul slumber for now, to heal itself from what it's seen. The good isn't enough. Too much hate and darkness pollutes life. When my hide is thicker, when my hold on his mirage is stronger, I will aim to disperse it, to clear the fog. But what if at the end, my reality is nothing but my own mirage? One too weak to bring joy?
Jul 2016 · 711
Deaf Ears
Javier Garza Jul 2016
He told to repent
Letting it go would be the answer
Forgiveness would save me

But I chose deaf ears
Allowed the flames to consume all
Destroying all that causes me pain

He said love was what made us strong
Letting people in
That's what would stop the storm

I chose to shut the doors
Slamming all the windows
Drowning in darkness

He tried holding me
To protect me from myself
That he could mend the cracks

I chose to fight
I abandoned who I was
Accepted this brutal solitude

He said he'd leave, he couldn't keep fighting for my sake
A heart could only make so much
That he couldn't love someone who was dead inside

I watched him leave
Shed silver tears that held the last of my humanity
As he walked away, he took what little I had left
He took his love
How many of use refuse to accept help from others? Too proud to acknowledge they can't do it all alone, and too consumed by vivid and tyrannic emotions to realize their mistakes.
Jun 2016 · 539
Butterfly
Javier Garza Jun 2016
It's suffocating
Deafening within

Shielded within solitude
Safe from the harmful rays of life
Growing stronger,
Changing,
Evolving

This is what it's all been about
Why I've struggled
Clinging onto my pitiful existence
Why I've crawled, hid, fought and lived
To enter this protective prison

And now I'll break free
Struggling once more to rid myself of my previous life
To leave behind this chrysalis
Ever slowly breathing new life

Alas,
I'm free
I'm beautiful


I'll spread my new wings and soar through the light
Gliding through life
Because I'm no longer that disgusting caterpillar you stepped on
No,
Now I'm a beautiful butterfly
Flying away from your reach
Flying onto a new life
Just how many of us reach the chrysalis state? Not many, and even less break free and live life with the beautiful wings that they could have.
Jun 2016 · 619
Graduating
Javier Garza Jun 2016
Waiting for the bus
To take me away from this lovely ceremony
From this glorious day
Where we've spent so much of our life
It's all come to an end
As we toss our caps into the sky

Standing alone
Contemplating how it all played out
We impatiently waited
Couldn't contain our smiles as we crossed the stage
Beaming into the sea of faces as we held that piece of paper
As we all were one
For one last time

Holding back the tears
Silently hating everyone
Hating the loving parents who embraced their children
Loathing friends as they laughed with their families
Shattering inside as I watched alone

Pretending the next day
That nothing happened
Swallowing bitter accusations    
Forcing the tears deep inside
Lying,
Saying that yesterday was no big deal

Laughing at the irony
I've celebrated such day with a different family
Ate and laughed with people I barely knew
Receiving love from parents that weren't mine

Smiling
It's all I can to to not break down
To not drown in the garbage of it all
Holding the diploma that my family will never see
Never forgetting going alone and leaving alone from my own graduation
Never forgetting the day my family chose to turn their back on me
Never forgetting the day I stood alone,
Waiting for the bus to take me home
It's sad but you'd be surprised by how many individuals cross that stage and have no family to congratulate them after the ceremony, or to even take them back home.
Jun 2016 · 328
Twinkle
Javier Garza Jun 2016
A twinkle
A tear
The mere thought of you
Can't help but to smile

Down memory lane every night
Retelling the same old story
Yet the flame never dims
The fire keeps on blazing

Like the stars up above
You shine on

This  golden band
The mark of the life you left behind
Of the story left unfinished

Though like these petals you'll whither away
You still live on
Smiling, breathing, existing
Because although I may cry
I know you're still here
With me

A twinkle
A tear
May the years pass on
But I'll still be smiling when I think of you
Jun 2016 · 308
The Price
Javier Garza Jun 2016
For a lie
The price I pay
Is my bliss
I'll nurture this distortion
Encourage you to spin the web
To accept the false

For my freedom
I'll trade this imprisonment for another
Put my life on the line,
To be free of your sight
To not hear your voice
I'll carry this new burden with pride
Embrace the hardships of a fake freedom

For peace
I'll take these insults in silence
Bite my tongue till blood spills
Swallow my pride so that you won't
I'll turn my back on all I know

For a life
I'll never look back
Holding my chin up high as suppressed tears run freely like my soul
I'll look on ahead
To the sky where my heart will soar
For a smile
I'll give it all up
For a chance to be happy
I'll keep on living
What is your price, the price you'll pay for happiness? Will you hurt so that those you love don't? Or will you let the world fall on them, turn your back to the life that's hurt you, for a chance to be selfish and claim your happiness?
Jun 2016 · 1.9k
Humanity
Javier Garza Jun 2016
Humanity
Has lost its way
Forgotten what it meant to live
Greed rules the lands
Hate divides
And ignorance shackles

Humanity
Has began to die
Corruption reigns with an iron fist
Can't seem to find the light amongst the fog of evil
To give power to those that would lead to healing

Humanity
It means we'll all rot
To be herded by the lies of the media
Beauty is the only way
Thin is beauty
Shallow is beauty
Fraud is beauty
To be separated by outdated prejudice
Gays are sinners
White is the true superior race
Money can buy anything,
Even love
To be set on a road of self destruction
Poverty is for the lower class
Intelligence is for the weak
Individuality is for the outcasts

Humanity
Has forgotten what it means to be human
To find the balance
Love without fear
Fight the injustice for freedom of thought,
Freedom to be unique,
Freedom to live,
To live with a purpose

A purpose
That's what Humanity has lost
Humanity just keeps worsening and soon, it'll cease to even know what it means to be human.
May 2016 · 1.0k
Liberation
Javier Garza May 2016
I strike the canvas with bitter paint
Sink the graphite blade through the innocent White
My charcoal hides the stains
This oil will covers the cuts

Is my painting good enough for you?
Tell me now, while the flames lick my soul
Is my gift still what shames you?
Is that what liberates me still a weakness in your eyes?

I may be able to create untold horrors on empty sheets,
I may be able to draw a journey to the soul,
I may be able to give way to a masterpiece,
But to you, all these colors are what make me less than a man

So I'll splatter the ink
Slice the void
Paint my hell
Because this is Art,
This is Life
Because this is Liberation
Often times, individuals have marvelous gifts, whether they be visual arts, musical talents, or gifts that they can't deny. However, they aren't always appreciated by everyone, sometimes not even by a parent who's suppose to love and support their offsprings unconditionally. That however is the sad chapters in the story of life.
May 2016 · 420
All
Javier Garza May 2016
All
All I ever wanted was for mommy to say she loved her little boy. To say "I'm proud of you". To look at me without shame. All I ever lived for was to prove my worth to her. To have her recognize me, to say "I love you". To hug me so the demons flee. All I ever longed for, was for a mother. To hold me and say " Don't worry, everything will be OK". Instead, all I've ever received was cold 'love'. I received lonely birthdays, followed by insults and comparison of my younger blood. All I ever received was beatings and rage. The bottle claimed her just as the blade claimed me. All I received was isolation. All I feel now is rage. Rage to her, rage to the world for abandoning me. Rage to my friends for having love, hating then secretly because they're not alone in the middle of a crowd. All I feel is apathy, an indifference to a life that's been unkind to me. I didn't ask to be the monster, so why do they complain when I show all I know? I am just a simple product of society's rejects. All I ever dreamed for, all I ever prayed for, all I ever hoped for, was just to not be alone. But that's all I got, it's all I know.
May 2016 · 313
The Arts To Escape
Javier Garza May 2016
This rage echos through your inner prison
The fire seeps through the cracks
And the walls turn crimson black

To escape life
Allow the vibrations to make your ears bleed
Let the beats drown reality away
The waves and lyrics will drift away, away, far away
From the pain

You may paint your heart away
Depict your sorrow on a canvas
But is that enough?
Will the shadows capture your tears?
Does the brush relieve you of the insults

Cold apathy
When you no longer care
The burden's become too much
So you let it fall
And walk away from the crashing chaos

You can sing away the days
Your voice won't be heard
Your words will go unnoticed
The melody of the broken thrown to the winds

The chains cold as blades
They wrap around the shards
To hold together what little isn't tainted

You can pray for an end,
But when you alone can't continue fighting
What is left?
Empty canvases
Silent days
Meaningless music

A life not worth living
That's what's left
May 2016 · 213
Untitled
Javier Garza May 2016
You chose the bottle over your family
You made promises you couldn't keep
Drank into oblivion
To numb your pain you let us drown in your drunken sorrow

I chose the blade over you
Chose to cut all ties to not feel pain
I bled all the toxins out
To live without love I gave you all my freezing indifference
May 2016 · 291
To Be Free
Javier Garza May 2016
Masquerades all around
The smiles hide the tears
The laughs hide the pain
The jokes hide the insults

To be free I endured the previous years
Always dreamt when that day would come,
That at last I'd be free
Free of ridicule
Free of scoldings
Free of this imprisonment

You say you love me
That you'd sacrifice it all for me
But your love shows only through anger
The tower of your broken promises becomes your pedestal
And at the bottom, the **** beneath you, is me

I signed my life away
Wishing to be free
I gave away my future
Hoping to escape my past
I said goodbye to my dreams
Praying to leave this prison

Time doesn't come fast enough
Your sharp edge insults lacerate my weak heart
It is when my shield drops that you strike the hardest
Reopening barely healing wounds
The will to fight dies
And the will to be free rises

To be free of your reign
I'll cover my hands with blood
To be free of your tyrannic control
I'll say goodbye to love
To be free of the image you wish me to be
I'll put my life on the line
And if all that fails to set me free,
Then let my soul fly up, up, up
Away from this earthly hell
Away from your corrupted love
Away from the mother who failed to raise her child
But who will not allow that child to be the man who he is

To be free, yes I'll commit this sin
Because to be free, it means to be away from your failed love
To be free
Is all I've ever wanted
To be free is what one day I'll be
Apr 2016 · 252
Our Light
Javier Garza Apr 2016
She holds the cross around her neck fiercely
Faith unwavering, she bows for her Lord and Savior
She follows the rules with determination
Even when the rules are outdated,
Her beliefs evolve
They expand and grow
Just like her, to continue on believing on that someone loves us
She prays every night
To those that hurt her,
Hoping that the demons that taunt them will disperse

He walks through life without a care
No desire to believe
No wish to bow,
He claims his life as his own
His soul his and his alone
No one tells him to be good,
But he helps those that are down anyway
Holds the shattered together with a smile,
A smile that hides the scars within
He doesn't believe there's a deity to save him
He is his own Savior

I however refused both of these roads
I will not bow
I will not roam aimlessly
I've developed my own philosophy
One comprised from darkness
Born from pain
Nurtured through abuse
With razor sharp eyes
I see all
I judge all
And try to help all
Because my philosophy is that to live to the fullest,
You must do what you love
Be with who you love
And be who you truly are

She worships her God
He helps those broken like him
And I try to bring some meaning to our lives
And that is the roots of our lives
I'm friends with people of different views and beliefs. Although we may clash at times, we always manage to stay in harmony and peace. If teenagers, the losers who adults claim are good for nothing troublemakers, can understand one another, why can't the adults who run our world do so? It's sad when the youth can understand one another better than the adults who "know" better but instead just pass on hate and pain.
Apr 2016 · 264
Coin
Javier Garza Apr 2016
We're two sides of the same coin. You're the sun that draws people in, who may temporarily be clouded, but who always manages to shine. When the skies get cloudy and you are hidden from view, you're gone for a bit but you're still there, shining, burning, living on. I'm the moon. I'm not always whole, not always here. Sometimes you only see a small sliver of me, sometimes you don't even see me at all. But you'll never see my dark side, for what I hide won't be revealed. Many faces I hold, sometimes you see my red, my blue, my yellow but most of all my silver. Because I shine too. Not as bright as you, but I too am here, shining on through the dark while you burn in the beautiful canvas.
#deep #inspirational #hope #beauty
Apr 2016 · 220
The Dead Who Breathe
Javier Garza Apr 2016
You judge me but you don't know the truth
To preach
To help
You give me your advice
But where were you when I had no one?
Where was anyone when I needed someone to hold me
To tell me things would be alright
When I was broken and dying
There was no one

Life treats everyone differently
It raises us uniquely
It gave you a kind heart
Gave you tear filled eyes
And a beating heart

But what did it give me?
A cold heart
Dead analytical eyes
And an angry heart that beats with fury

To live
I lied
To survive
I evolved
To exist
I died

The self image I created,
The mask which defines me,
My pride that cripples me,
It's all I have in this life

So judge me if you will
Preach to me if you wish
Try to save me if you desire
But the dead can't be brought to life
The forgotten can't be remembered
And I can't be who I once was
#depression #friendship #pain #pride
Apr 2016 · 320
Untitled
Javier Garza Apr 2016
I'll push the blade deeper in
I'll swallow my pride and shed silver tears

To be near you
I'll keep you close; I'll lie to the world
To not lose you
I'll be someone else; hide my true self

I'll smile the pain away
I'll be the light that keeps you here

To not be forgotten
I'll protect you
To not be ignored
I'll bare my soul to you

I'll sow my lips shut
I'll ignore the fire and burn in solitude

To not be hurt
I'll deny my feelings for you; deny the special glances we share
To not be rejected
I'll push you away; push away the heart you've began to tear
It's odd that I get to see my very past be recreated by someone else. Perhaps I can change their story however, perhaps they can have a better ending than mine. Perhaps.
Apr 2016 · 1.1k
Roaming
Javier Garza Apr 2016
Roaming these empty hallways
With dead eyes I see nothing of interest
Roaming from room to room
I see no light to lead me through the dark

It's a blind stumble
There's no joy
And all I see are baren walls
As I continue on walking

I keep on searching with half opened eyes
Partly wishing to find some meaning in all the emptiness
Half hoping to find some light to bring back color to this dull life

Cliché isn't it
That it was you who sparked some life in me
With a simple smile
Simply acknowledging me
It gave my life a little bit of meaning

So I continue walking through these empty hallways alongside you
The barren walls seem to have gotten some color
The hallways don't seem as dark
The lights seem to be working again

Then others came
More beings who spurred something deep within
Something absolutely human
It itself was light
And it interested me
A difference from the same dark
So I continued walking alongside my new companions

Together we all walked
No longer did I search in empty rooms
Or gazed through broken windows
Because I somehow managed to leave it all behind when I walked through the door that led to the outside world
To the life full of color
Full of new sounds and smells
To a brand new world full of wonder and interest

But what's most interesting
Is what led me to this world
The friends who brought me here
Who were the light amongst the bland
And the friend who started it all
So I'll explore this new world with him and the others
To see what else I might find of interest
To see what else might give my life meaning
Apr 2016 · 438
Art
Javier Garza Apr 2016
Art
Art is limitless
Art is pure
Art is life

Strum a few cords
Hum a melody
Sing from the soul,
That is Art

Paint agony
Sketch misery
Carve beauty
Sculpt time
That is Art

Move to the rhythm
Twirl to the lyrics
Float with notes
That is Art

Capture a scene
Freeze the moment
Time frozen by the lens
That is Art

Breathing each day
Hiding all night
Laughing the pain away
Crying the joyous moment
That is life
And that too is Art
Apr 2016 · 326
These Eyes
Javier Garza Apr 2016
These eyes, they've seen many things
They've seen the hurting lie to those they love
Seen the ones they love lie right back
Seen humanity hide from itself
For humanity is too terrified,
Too terrified to even trust itself

These bitter eyes, they've witnessed many things
They've witness innocence stolen by hate
Witnessed entire nations lead by ignorance and prejudice
Witnessed the folly in mankind
The folly too great that mankind chooses to repress it
Repress it to not acknowledge the true horror of it all

These aged eyes, they've shed many tears
They've shed tears from abuse
Shed tears caused by corruption
Shed tears for those starving
Shed tears for the dark secrets the globe hides
The secrets frown by society
But the dark secrets that are behind every closed door

These eyes have experienced many things,
Seen many things,
Witnessed many things,
Shed tears for many things
But they've remained open
While my mouth that could maybe bring about change, has remained shut despite it all
Because these eyes of mine have also succumbed to hopelessness
Apr 2016 · 673
Decaying Ties
Javier Garza Apr 2016
I'm dead inside. You picked a walking corpse as your best friend. While air passes through these lungs, that doesn't mean that a light shines in my dull eyes. With no fire to bring the warmth, I'm cold to the touch. I, your best friend, am the living dead cursed to roam the world with no goal, interest, or life. Not that I care, I am dead after all. But I pity you, you who must endure the company of the decaying, who hurts over the lost, who wishes he who is close to you would live like you do; you, who holds onto desperately to these decaying ties.
Apr 2016 · 280
Love
Javier Garza Apr 2016
Actually we created it, love without realizing it. When we could think, when our minds held more than just primal instincts, our thoughts were born. And with these thoughts came our emotions: Greed, hate, pain, joy and yes, even love. If we were simple beasts with no thoughts, then we wouldn't be able to feel love. But we're not simple brutes. We're creatures who can think and feel things that very few other species can. Yet, if love is born from thought, does that mean that when a wild mother risks her life for her offspring, that that's not love? That sacrificing oneself for another isn't driven by love, even amongst animal? Or perhaps their will to live, the will for their species to not end is just too vast, that the animals simply sacrifice their one life, so that their offspring, many more lives may live and continue with that one race. But we refuse to accept it as we wish to believe that love, if anything is the one thing that's real.
Javier Garza Apr 2016
It's something that can put a smile on your face and reassure you of your life and of those around you, believing that everything happens for a reason and that we are born to help one another. My why is more depressing. Life is horrible but we don't want it to be so. So we decided to delude ourselves with these thoughts that things happen for a reason, that we're not alone. Truth be told, on this earth, we are alone and we're horrible creatures. But we're creatures who have risen above and know true pain and love, things that we created and only we can understand. We find solace in one another and hope to find others like us so that our thoughts hold more truth to them. But if anything, things just happen because they do, no reason behind them. But at times, we're happy they do.
Apr 2016 · 217
The Meaning Of Life
Javier Garza Apr 2016
The meaning to life is simply to reproduce our own species and ensure our survival. But as human beings, we are intelligent enough to see this and this depresses us so we search for a deeper meaning, a meaning that only those with thoughts could understand, aka humans. And some believe that the meaning of life is to find happiness, to live it to the fullest, to find love. They do this just to not accept the depressing reality. Life is depressing, there's no doubt about it but my view on it is that we cling to life a little while longer, searching for that something that makes life worth it, that something that interests us and makes us wanna be alive. Whether that be money, love, *** or Peace, we search for it to bring some meaning into our lives. Because without that something, we'd realize how tedious our lives truly are. I live not because I want to, but because I'm waiting for that something special to catch my eyes
Mar 2016 · 855
Family
Javier Garza Mar 2016
Daddy said to love him, all it would take was a touch
To not disappoint him, a kiss would do
That to be a man, first you have to know how to please one
If not, then he'd tell mommy and she'd hate me

Mommy drinks her days away
Doesn't see when daddy's too rough, when daddy leaves marks
Mommy's too busy seeing the pretty colors I can't see
Says the happy pills are our little secret,
That the silver water is to help her heal;
Tells me to go bother my big brother instead

My big brother,
Oh he's always ignored
Not even when he comes home with trophies and medals do they care
They don't even see the slices on his wrists...
Or maybe they just don't care
Maybe that's why big brother decided to watch me from above
Maybe that's why big brother gave me one last hug, one last 'I love you'
Before he closed his eyes for the last time
To sleep the eternity away

As for me
Oh the years have passed but I still have a smile on my face
Daddy's in prison being treated like how he treated me
Now he'll know how to please a man, I know I do

Mommy's six feet under
The pretty colors were too strong
The funny smoke didn't want to say good-bye
So it took mommy with it
And now neither can hurt my lungs nor my heart

But here I stand as I place flowers on the grave of my cowardly brother
How long did it take before it all became too much?
Did he please daddy too? Is that why daddy would beat and hate him?
Did he see the pretty colors like mommy? Is that why he fell in eternal slumber?
Or was he too weak to endure? To survive with the filth left from our parents?

Now I walk away, free of sin
Free of love
Free of pain
Now, I'm all that's left of my broken family...

Like daddy, I now yearn for the touch of a male, but a man, not a boy
Like mommy, I know see the pretty colors, but I'm not shackled like she was by them
And like my big brother I too have matching scars on my wrists
A depressing piece, but it's not like it's not something that doesn't actually happen. Life and can be cruel, especially when you try to hide it from others, and deny the ugliness. Don't be a coward, if you see abuse, do something about it. Maybe then society wouldn't be comprised of broken souls who hide from one another.
Jan 2016 · 355
Praying
Javier Garza Jan 2016
I'm holding on tightly
To these broken vows
Holding on closely
To these unfaithful souls
I'm holding on tearfully
To these painful memories

I stood tall for you all
I vowed to never bleed in hate
Stood tall thanks to love
I vowed to never fall into darkness
I stood tall for myself

I'm on my knees now
Praying to a god that doesn't exist
On my knees weeping
Praying for an end to come
I'm on my knees bleeding
Praying for this pain to burn away
Jan 2016 · 312
Best Friends
Javier Garza Jan 2016
We will part
We will move on
She's off to college
He's off to the Army
And here left behind I stand

We shared many laughs
We shared many tears
She held me as I wept
He fought for me when I bled
But alone now I stand

We were the bestest of friends
We loved each other greatly
She never betrayed me
He never left me
But now I stand alone holding broken promises

She's a mother and a wife
She works for her family
Fights for her life
Doesn't remember the broken friend she once said she loved

He's proud and a loyal soldier
He works hard for his country, works hard for his people
Fights to defend the nation be calls his home
Doesn't remember the lost soul he vowed to protect

I stand tall and angry with the promises I'm burdened with
I promised to never give in, promised to never give up
I fought for the “family” who I thought loved me;
Don't remember those unfaithful lies
Don't remember the day I chose to die
Jan 2016 · 221
Done
Javier Garza Jan 2016
Done showing you my soul
No longer will I pour my love to you
Done chasing a distant dream
No longer will I sink the blade deeper
Done holding you in my heart
No longer will I let you hurt me
Jan 2016 · 227
For How Long
Javier Garza Jan 2016
Am I just you punching bag?
Scream, yell, holler
I'll take it all
But for how long?

Insults upon insults
Scarred flesh, bruised hearts
Hit, punch, scratch
I'll endure it all
But for how long?

Mistreated life, a silent hell
I've kept your ***** secrets
Burned my lips shut to protect you
Bleeding, crying, dying
But for how long will I keep this up?

Losing my mind
Falling apart
Screaming, laughing, deteriorating
I seek vengeance
I plot, pace, and act
But for how long will I lose my mind?

I break and fall
Choose the wrong path purposely
Choose to poison my life
All to see you weeping, begging, falling
But for how long will this painful hate lie in my shattered heart?
For how long...
Jan 2016 · 180
The Reason Is You
Javier Garza Jan 2016
The root to all my pain is you
You implanted the seed of hate within me
These poisoned tears I shed for you

Born from darkness, you resent me
I am the incarnation of your suffering, of your nightmares
But with a halo of innocence, I was banished nonetheless
The core to all my anger is you

The years went by, and in solitude I was raised
A corrupted innocence I held thanks to you
I watched as humanity showed it's ugly face,
Oh how the flames licked away all that was pure
The world of my hate is you

Leaving behind the stolen purity
I embarked on a road of loneliness and suffering
To seek the strength that you failed to achieve
I became cold and of stone, my pain made me strong
Made me lose my humanity
The monster of my nightmares is you

Even though the years have passed, and now I have skin of steel
There's an empty hole where my heart should be
Still waiting for the day you'll fill it with love
Even if my being will reject it, and my body will shut down at the unknown feeling
To have known that at least a little bit of love was held for me,
Would have been worth dying
The reason I'm scared to love, is you
Dec 2015 · 178
Untitled
Javier Garza Dec 2015
Tis better to have loved and bled, than to have never loved at all. For if you bleed and weep for a broken heart, at least you'll know you're human. If you never bleed, never feel a pulse that resonates from within for another, then you would have been made of stone; you would have never truly been alive.
A Shakespeare quote with a little tweak.
Dec 2015 · 218
Untitled
Javier Garza Dec 2015
Love will either shackle you in misery, or liberate you. It's a double edge blade with two possible outcomes. The better of the two isn't always the one that pierces our hearts.
Dec 2015 · 199
Love
Javier Garza Dec 2015
That my beloved friend, is the cruel and twisted puzzle of life; do not fret however, for you will one day see the silver light and warmth of joy.
Dec 2015 · 516
Corrupted Innocence
Javier Garza Dec 2015
Corrupted innocence
Such a depressing thing
But its true
It's hidden behind silver scars
Bubbling behind unshed tears
Burning beneath tiresome lies
Living within the broken souls;
The disgusting taint,
Of the young Undead
Of those sullied by humanity's
accursed paint,
Is always there
It's always here
This corrupted innocence
Ok, so I'm not sure why I even wrote this, it just happened but it's about those young victims who have suffered ****** abuse, this being "humanity's accursed paint". This isn't my best work but one I felt like I needed to do. Hope you guys caught my metaphors.
Dec 2015 · 237
Inspiration
Javier Garza Dec 2015
Inspiration is a fire that burns from within. Just let the flame be born inside you and have it course through you to ignite your world.
Dec 2015 · 757
Desire
Javier Garza Dec 2015
Tired of fighting
How much more till my spirit shatters
This painful  lie, it crushes my soul
Just wish I could fly, fly, fly!

Tired of running
My legs they hurt, my lungs scream to stop
An outcast from the beginning, why not give up?
Why not give in and die, die, die!

It's all hopeless it seems
This tunnel never ends, the light I never see
These chains just will not shatter!
But I have hope, hope and desire
A desire to smile!
A desire to live, live, live!
Dec 2015 · 206
Untitled
Javier Garza Dec 2015
You're a prisoner of your own design; that curse that is your mind.
Nov 2015 · 411
Black Pearl
Javier Garza Nov 2015
The black pearl
The sinful jewel
The crown desired by most
Watch him walk
Marvel at the power he wields

He wears his confidence with blazing glory
You just can't help but shy away
Beauty only skin deep;
What's beneath, the mystery, is what's lusted over

Close enough to touch
But always so far away that you fall chasing him
This rare prize will drive you insane

This golden speck
You will chase
This broken diamond
You will fantasize over
This black pearl
You will never have
Nov 2015 · 633
Once
Javier Garza Nov 2015
Once cursed and abandoned
Now looked for a second chance
But why should I give you a second chance?
You who showed no love
You who allowed me to explore the dark
You who left me to sink in my poisoned blood

Once feared and all powerful
Now weak and clinging onto a faded photograph
I'm no longer that little boy who you failed to see
I'm no longer that ray of innocence amongst the sea of alcohol
I'm no longer a flame to lead you out of the dark

Once lost and hopeful
Now on the right path too little too late
But why should I drown with you?
You who chose the bottle over me;
I'm no longer there to save you
You who forgot to love me;
I'm no longer there to love you either mother dear;
You who died to me long ago
Nov 2015 · 370
Untitled
Javier Garza Nov 2015
An empty canyon
An abyss of dark fog
Cold isolation
Frozen in time
Never truly moving forward

That was the norm
Then a blazing comet came soaring through the icy night
Land caught a flame
The dark sky light up
And hope was born
Nov 2015 · 1.5k
Humanity's Poison
Javier Garza Nov 2015
Sacred words etched in stone
These holy carvings engraved upon humanity
The burning belief leaves its mark
Division is born to bring about unity

A Dystopia disguised as an Utopia arises
Empty promises made
Retribution demanded
Damaged lives fallen in the name of "God"

Freedom shackled by the belief of hope;
To not feel alone, nations crumble
To not feel lost, millions slaughtered
To not feel weak, power is corrupted

Demons disguised as angels preach
An evil so ignorant it's innocent
A belief so strong it becomes reality
A hate so strong, that love fades away

Alas, this is the tale of a terrible poison
A poison that was once a sacred elixir
A poison that has engulfed the world
A poison so potent that not even death can cure it;
This is the poison of Religion
Next page