Have I gotten better?
Or have my lies improved so much that even I get lost in them?

How can I say I'm happier,
If when the smiles are all gone only resentment and agony are left to boil,
To engulf me; they too have gotten stronger

Why so much inner turmoil?
Will one of these sides just die?
Good or bad, I don't care
Just wish for this war in my head to vanish

Can't I heal?
My body has sealed the gates of hell
And just left behind sliver tracks in their remain
Blood no longer rains so why does it hurt?

Won't someone save me?
I'm drowning, can't someone see?
If it's true and I'm in darkness grasp, I've been abandoned, left to my devices
Will I prevail?

I was hurting,
Crying and licking my wounds
But now in its place is bitterness and resentment
You weakened me
But soon I found power in it
Now don't apologize,You made me stronger in the end

I was hurting and crippled,
Crying as I mended my wounds.
The agony was immense and I nearly drowned
But then I found a new light.

You may have weakened me
But I found power amongst the pain and wreckage.
I found a life preserver in this sea of hate.

Don't apologize.
In the end you made me strong.
You helped me build this battleship.

My pain is real
Its not a mirage of the mind
My scars do not lie
They scream the words that I am too weak to say

These open wounds you see,
They do not yell for attention,
No, they are a release
A gate away from this blistering agony

My tears shed are something rare to see
They reveal something long forgotten
A piece thought to have been lost

These words written,
Express a being thought to be dead,
A boy who I thought I killed many years ago
They hold the pain of the years endured and cried
They hold the broken pieces of my heart

This sad to say
Our final goodbye
Who knew we'd weep a bay
For this eternal lie

It's hard to live a double life
You hide the true you
You deny who's trapped inside

Lie to ones of the present
Hide from the past
You slowly start to crumble

Living two lives tears at the soul,
You no longer know who you really are
Like the fading scars, you hide your heart

Smile at the ghost, but glare at the ones of flesh and bones;
Fighting soon led to hiding

You try to remain true
But soon you fall back to the blade
You try to be strong, but your tears give you away
You try to stay here,
But soon you're just another lie of the past

Dark nights lie ahead
For the beast with a heart of man
He stumbles on uneven ground
Reality crumbles as truth are revealed

Will tender hearts be enough to chain him to life?
Unrequited love, or unregistered?
The question that silences the thunderous drum

He weeps, he roars
All in pursuit to find purpose in this savage jungle
To find the light atop the canopies

Poor beast, with a heart of man
Dark nights lie ahead
With vain souls trying to tame him
Will his thunderous drum ever beat again?

One day a year, we decide to be kind
To show our love for one another,to be pure of mind.

We laugh and smile, a day to rejoice;
Though is one day a year the only choice?

Why not be kind all year long,
Show your love and bliss to those you're among?
Can't we retain the better half of our humanity within our hearts?
If humanity consists only of this hypocrisy, I want no parts!

One day to show your love, one day to be pure;
Tis the truth, there is no cure.
We're destined to live in shambles,
To never experience true gambols.
It's sad to say, we're nothing but lies;
So I have one thing left to say: my final goodbyes.
Learn from humanity's mistakes;
Do not let your heart be filled with petty aches.
Love your life, so when you die
You may leave in peace, with a blissful goodbye.

I hold this tiny flame closer to my heart
This gleam of hope that has survived
Through the dark clouds of depression
And the vast oceans of tears
This flame has kept me going
My strength, though small, shines
The gleam in my eye, a sign that I'm not giving up
And all thanks to this flame that will thrive and set my heart aflame
To shine bright even through the darkest of nightmares

All I ever wanted was for mommy to say she loved her little boy. To say "I'm proud of you". To look at me without shame. All I ever lived for was to prove my worth to her. To have her recognize me, to say "I love you". To hug me so the demons flee. All I ever longed for, was for a mother. To hold me and say " Don't worry, everything will be OK". Instead, all I've ever received was cold 'love'. I received lonely birthdays, followed by insults and comparison of my younger blood. All I ever received was beatings and rage. The bottle claimed her just as the blade claimed me. All I received was isolation. All I feel now is rage. Rage to her, rage to the world for abandoning me. Rage to my friends for having love, hating then secretly because they're not alone in the middle of a crowd. All I feel is apathy, an indifference to a life that's been unkind to me. I didn't ask to be the monster, so why do they complain when I show all I know? I am just a simple product of society's rejects. All I ever dreamed for, all I ever prayed for, all I ever hoped for, was just to not be alone. But that's all I got, it's all I know.

She was once a ruthless Amazon
She fought for pride and honor
War was the norm
The battle was always raging

Then a liar came along
Disguised as a lost prince with a dark past
He won her over
Made her believe she was a Queen

The once Amazon warrior fell for the fake prince
He dazzled her with kisses and touching words
And the heart she thought to be dead
Beated with a burning passion
Her love burned for the "prince"

With a wicked smile he told her the truth
Told her he never loved her
Told her all he said was lies
He ripped her heart out
Laughed when she began to weep

The poor Amazon Queen fell to the ground
She clutched her old battle ax
Saw the warrior she once was
With an agonizing cry she slammed her ax onto the ground
Through the broken ground ****** tears spewed out
She drowned in her crimson tears
As the fake prince woed another innocent heart

Stain memories mark brittle pages
Ink ran livid as it bled through the thick paper
Fresh new starts branded by the ink before

Far ahead lie pristine white hope
Fresh, innocent, and full of potential

Do not let the previous page's failures ruin the chance for a beautiful masterpiece
Move beyond the smudge past
Pick up your brush, pen, or pencil
And create a new piece

You deserve it, you're a gentle soul, your beauty it shines because you're a person of love. You've been broken and damaged, bruised and beat, but now he's here, to love and to cherish. He will never leave, he's yours to love. He loves you too, his eyes show that well enough. This love you've received, you deserve my beautiful friend, the pain you've endured has come to pass. Let your man kiss your wounds, and mend your healing heart

Art is limitless
Art is pure
Art is life

Strum a few cords
Hum a melody
Sing from the soul,
That is Art

Paint agony
Sketch misery
Carve beauty
Sculpt time
That is Art

Move to the rhythm
Twirl to the lyrics
Float with notes
That is Art

Capture a scene
Freeze the moment
Time frozen by the lens
That is Art

Breathing each day
Hiding all night
Laughing the pain away
Crying the joyous moment
That is life
And that too is Art

Stood tall,
Took the blame
Never thought twice about it

Kept on fighting
Trying to see through the dark
Not realizing my flame went out

Legs gave out
When did I stop registering the pain?

The tears kept running down the canyon
Same old river that cut through the solid earth

Fell to the ground
Weight finally breaking my body

Tried to lead them
Hold them up high
Protect them so they never bear this pain

Lying down now broken and weak
Who'll hold me?
Who'll block the sharp winds,
The unending storms?

But most importantly,
Who'll take my spot once I'm dead and gone?
Unable to protect them any more,
Does that mean I've failed?

Once more on opposite sides we meet.
Oh dear and kind mother, ready to show your claws?
I'm prepared to bare my fangs.

We lie to one another as we do to the world.
What is it we want?
What is it we wish?
A straight son?
A loving mother?
Prepare yourself. I will not lose this war.

Oh dear and lovely brothers,
Come to side with the woman of lies?
Fall into her webs.
You're just another prisoner of her mental labyrinth.
You too soon will fall.
The abyss that awaits you, I have escaped.
Know this, brothers of mine,
You're in the middle of war.

Time for the end don't you think, mother dear?
This battle has waged for a decade now.
Why not finish the war?
Weave your lies and and traps.
You fail to acknowledge the power I gained.
While you lie to people,
My honesty has triumphed in the end.
With crowds of honest people; their gentle hearts backing me up,
Do you believe you're a match against me?

Sharpen your knives, strengthen your lies.
I'll plot my moves, set up the chessboard.
This is a battlefield.
This is our story.
It's time for this legacy to come to an end.
Only one will leave this battlefield in the end.

We will part
We will move on
She's off to college
He's off to the Army
And here left behind I stand

We shared many laughs
We shared many tears
She held me as I wept
He fought for me when I bled
But alone now I stand

We were the bestest of friends
We loved each other greatly
She never betrayed me
He never left me
But now I stand alone holding broken promises

She's a mother and a wife
She works for her family
Fights for her life
Doesn't remember the broken friend she once said she loved

He's proud and a loyal soldier
He works hard for his country, works hard for his people
Fights to defend the nation be calls his home
Doesn't remember the lost soul he vowed to protect

I stand tall and angry with the promises I'm burdened with
I promised to never give in, promised to never give up
I fought for the “family” who I thought loved me;
Don't remember those unfaithful lies
Don't remember the day I chose to die

I'm a blade and the world's been sharpening me to cut all those who dare get near me. My life revolved around blood once, then tears, then rage. Pain ended, and resentment was born. I has sharpened to fight, not to be happy. I fight, everyday, to live, to stay strong, to not lose myself. I'm a blade, cold, emotionless, and full of blood. Happiness is for those that deserve it. I deserve none. I'm strong because of the cruelty that has sharpened me. I'm razor sharp, I'm something people fear. Cold as steel, I live everyday. I'll cut all ties if I think I'm threatened, I'll make others bleed so that I don't bleed. Blades are meant for war, death, blood, pain. Not for love, happiness, joy, compassion. This is what I am. Not a monster, not a saint, but a blade. And the world's what sharpens me, what gives me the pain to be stronger. To remain in control, to never lose myself in the darkness.

Hate filled flakes fall from the grey heavens
The winds howl in rage
Insignificant flakes fall together
They blanket the world
Creating a world of snow
This cold, cold world of snow
The land of white and freezing hate
First comes the awe and beauty
Amazing magic that's lovely
Then comes the storm
The bitter storm
The rage slaps you in the face
The flakes freezes your pulse
Stuck in the winter hell
The blizzard hides the dark deed with snow
At last, the storm's passed and gentle flakes fall
Hiding all traces of warmth
Hiding it under a beautiful mysterious blanket that will never thaw

Lost myself, fell from once mighty throne
Became a fragile glass boy
Yet I never gave up
Kept on fighting
Even if in the end I made mistakes

Always hidden, mysteries that held power
Lost it all as my castle crumbled
I became human
Yet I still fought this war
Belligerent as ever, I strove to win
Although I only ended losing almost all that I love

Always smirking, confidence on display
All faded away
As the truth arose
It was all fake, lies I made to stay strong,
Still cried when I accepted the truth
Still stood as tall as possible,
Awaiting the next challenge,
Even though I failed

Once feared and hated,
Others began to sympathize when they learn of my silver scars,
The weakness was on displayed
And I began to seek help
Let those in who loved me
Put each broken glass back together
Still cracked, but strong enough to stay together

It's when my emotions are pure and vivid that I need to write before I need to bleed. I'm here sitting in front of the fire, watching the flames flicker; it consumes the wood. Just how I wish to die, my souls engulfed and I cry a silent cry. The tears you can't see, are buried deep inside of me. My horrid past, why can't it burn and never exist? I hate my life, my mother I lost her. She doesn't want me; hates the being that I've become. She can't accept me. My brothers who I raised, who in a way became my sons, will I ever see them? If I don't love my mother, at least I know that I do love my brothers.
I wish I'd never spoken, that I'd still be in my lonely prison within me, I wish I'd done what my mother wanted; after all, she's just as misunderstood as me. She's innocent, the cruel world has just confused her. But does that justify the hell she's put me through? does it erase the tears I shed, the abuse I lived?
My old crutch the blade, it tantalizes me with sweet relief. But that's part of the past.
Part of the hell I now live in. The battle's inside, no one knows but I'm at war. I'm being torn apart, but this time, it's on my own accord. what do I want? My old life with my mom and brothers? And to have to weep the silent tears and fight the blade? To hold back, take refuge deep inside? Or Move on, leave all of them behind. To start again, alone?...
The fire it burns bright, the heat, it's so pure. Death I see in the embers; life reborn in the ashes; the fire comes to an end. Where does that leave me? A troubled teen staring at ashes? Or a fool that doesn't know how to live again; awoken from the living dead and to speak among the living. I take a gulp of air. Of life, I'm alive and though I've suffered, time to light a new flame. Make it bright and hot. Let it burn and light the night. To rise from the ashes and Burn Bright.

Call me queer, call me *******
But is my ****** life really that important to you?
I don't call you ****-cuffin, ***** eater, nor hetero freak
So why must I be insulted for my *** life while you remain unscathed?

Call me ****** all you want,
But let's be honest, my life isn't easy
But I'm still here
My heart still beats
I'm still strong

Call me fairy to your little heart's content
But answer me this, could your heart bare the abuse of every kind  for almost a decade?
Could your "holy" self withstand standing alone in the dark without so much as a friend?
I'm a "sinner" and I've withstood all those horrors and still came out strong

Call me a disgrace, an abomination, a freak
But answer this you pretentious *******,
Who's the one cursing people, condemning, hating, discriminating them for being nothing more than who they are?
That's right, you, not me
So think again, who's your god going to punish?
People who have done nothing wrong but be themselves?
Or the ignorant fools who think they are God and condemn others?

Call me ******, call me queer
I know who I am, and it's someone strong

Call me *******, call me fairy
I'm the one who will survive
Call me all you want,
It won't change who I am

Opened eyes that see so little
Cataracts of cynicism cloud your life
You preach about how you see reality
Yet you fall prey to your own illusion

Denied of a life of warmth and light
You bear the burden of your own grudge
Struggling with the pain
Baring your fangs to all who come near you

Pride that's shallow
It leads the way to solitude
Are your broken beliefs worth this much?
Has your anger tainted you beyond repair?

Strength that is a fraud
You stand tall with those blind eyes ablazed
That power of yours is nothing more than a lie to hide your pain

We're two sides of the same coin. You're the sun that draws people in, who may temporarily be clouded, but who always manages to shine. When the skies get cloudy and you are hidden from view, you're gone for a bit but you're still there, shining, burning, living on. I'm the moon. I'm not always whole, not always here. Sometimes you only see a small sliver of me, sometimes you don't even see me at all. But you'll never see my dark side, for what I hide won't be revealed. Many faces I hold, sometimes you see my red, my blue, my yellow but most of all my silver. Because I shine too. Not as bright as you, but I too am here, shining on through the dark while you burn in the beautiful canvas.

Corrupted innocence
Such a depressing thing
But its true
It's hidden behind silver scars
Bubbling behind unshed tears
Burning beneath tiresome lies
Living within the broken souls;
The disgusting taint,
Of the young Undead
Of those sullied by humanity's
accursed paint,
Is always there
It's always here
This corrupted innocence

A Demon, a Dream
The one I long for till exhaustion
The one I fear

You evade me even in the sea of shadows,
Mocking me with your ever close hand in the world aflame
Why must you torment me so?
Your sweet embrace is what I crave
Though cruel and vivid,
You're all I want

As I fall into despair your abusive grip comes out of the shadows
Forgotten stories to torment my weakened spirit
Or perhaps hidden desires that will fade as soon as they're born
You taunt and punish me
Chipping away at my soul

A Demon, a Dream
The one I always chase
The one I resent

At the bottom of dejection when reality and nightmares convene
You piece me back together
Deep hibernation to repair the soul
Finally, this vicious cycle comes full circle
At long last, I feel your embrace

Evil has molded me to who I am
Darkness the keeper of my heart for too long;
I'm sorry, this is what I've become

I see fear in my mothers eyes
No warmth nor love lies in them

They sealed me in the hell I wish to escape,
Threw the key away, certain that I can't change

My soul has been corrupted pitch black
My stance is that of a belligerent demon

This monster within, is not who I truly am
Just the face that Evil has given me
Just the path that Darkness has chosen for me

All I ever wanted was to be protected
To have someone who could defend me
All I ever did was fight on my own
A war of all against one

Always thought I needed no one
Didn't think I could be so weak again
But seeing you proved me wrong
Where were you when I needed you?
Did you not care that your son fought the world alone?

Wore the mask each day
Told the lies to everyone
Until even I believed them
But the nightmares came,
Where all I had was myself
No one to show me what it meant to be a man

With no role model,
I found my own path
I pretended to not care,
But instill cried when I heard you never wanted me, you left me for them

You as much as my mother both broke before I could even stand
You took away my parents
Left me to myself
Stole the arms which were meant to hold me when the storm came

Well the storm had passed
And I still needed you
But now, it's I who doesn't want you
So leave again
You're a stranger
Nothing but another disappointment
Just a long forgotten nightmare

Dear Hypnos,
Why must you torment me so?
Your malicious abandon leaves me starving,
On the verge of desperation and madness
Crying and begging for salvation

Though much desired, your embrace is anything but salvation
The sweet sensation of peace is shortlived as you exhume long-forgotten corpses and demons
To ravage and feast upon my sanity, corrupting and devouring the last of my innocence

My beloved Hypnos,
I can't help but loathe as much as I love
What choice am I left with but to embrace this wicked hell
So I'll accept the droughts and starvation, the demons and torture
All to simply have you, my cruel love

Guide me, please I beg of you
Light the dark seas and lead me to shore

The waves crash and roar,
The defeaning sound of doom,
I'm not sure if I can stay afloat
This anchor tries to drown me

Please hear past the waves,
My cries and pleas, are they falling on deaf ears?

I know your lighthouse stands on the rocky shores
Won't you light the bulb?

Please, the water burns
Seaps and claims that which is preacious

I can't break free, soon even the dark skies are gone
And the darkness of the deep claim me

My tears add to the vast seas
Darkness will claim all that I am

If you had lit your lighthouse,
Could I have even been saved?
Had this anchor been destroyed could I have swam to safety?
If I had begged, screamed, and cried louder could you have heard my fleeting voice?

If only...

Wishing someone would discover the broken pieces.
The demon you see hides his heart.
A bleeding ***** he wishes someone would heal.
He wants you to touch the bleeding flesh.
Won't you stitch together the falling pieces?
Won't you be the one to save this demon?

Wish for someone to discover the broken pieces,
The demon you see, he hides his heart
A bleeding ***** that he wishes for someone to heal
He wants you to touch the pulsing muscle
Won't you stitch together the falling pieces?
Won't you be the one to save this demon?

Tired of fighting
How much more till my spirit shatters
This painful  lie, it crushes my soul
Just wish I could fly, fly, fly!

Tired of running
My legs they hurt, my lungs scream to stop
An outcast from the beginning, why not give up?
Why not give in and die, die, die!

It's all hopeless it seems
This tunnel never ends, the light I never see
These chains just will not shatter!
But I have hope, hope and desire
A desire to smile!
A desire to live, live, live!

Done showing you my soul
No longer will I pour my love to you
Done chasing a distant dream
No longer will I sink the blade deeper
Done holding you in my heart
No longer will I let you hurt me

No one thinks of you until you show your claws
No one cares about you until you prove your strength
No one loves you until you show your heart

A gem multifaceted
Different avenues, different worlds?
To fail is to succeed, to succeed is to die

What do you do when both heaven and hell reject you?
Do you cry indignation?
Do you beg forgiveness?
Or do you do nothing?

A gem upon the heavens, one that shines but only in the night
A star that shines only within the shadows?
To be reborn is to forsake, to stay is to condemn

What do you do when there is no way to move?
Stay stagnant and a relic?
Risk it for rebirth?

A celestial being with potential tainted
Too bleak to shine upon the heavens
Too bright to shine within the cesspool
So do you fade away?

NO!
You shine upon the heavens!
Purify the cesspool!
Rise or descend upon it all!

A Fallen Star answers to none but helps all!
A Fallen Star is what we are!
Failure and hope in one

The children that neither HELL nor HEAVEN saves
The children that shine through it all;
Dust, darkness, hail, or sunshine
The Fallen Stars shine bright, not for the sake of Heaven nor Hell
But for themselves
That's what makes us Falling Stars

This time I bid my final goodbye,
And this time, its not just another lie
You held me together with your attention,
You broke me down with your neglect
And this is why I must part

I write my final farewell
My friends can't you tell?
I loved you all, and that was my poison
You stopped loving me, and that was my doom
And that's why I'm leaving now

I shed my final tears
It won't be years until from me you hear
The cracks you glued, they fell with your absence
The shadows you chased, they turn to nightmares without your care
And that's why I must disappear

My heart its heavy with sorrow
Surprisingly so, it'll feel much better tomorrow
Your company I yearn, it became my drug
Your love I wanted, became my blade,
And that's why I must heal

Fatal Flaws
We all have them
One, two, three, we all have something that makes us imperfect

Fatal Flaws,
It's what makes us humans
It's the cause of our joy, pain,
It's the reason of our  cries in vain

Fatal Flaws
Everyone has at least one
Vanity, Greed, Soft-Heart, Weak Willed, Too Loyal
It's all within us,
These Fatal Flaws

Fatal Flaws
They're what makes us different
What gives everyone a different pain
They're why we all have a different burden

I think too much,
I love too much,
I bleed and cry behind locked doors
Never revealing the pain that blinds me
This darkness that cripples me, I never share the burden of it
I fight it all alone
Trying to be good even when I'm dying inside all alone
I do it all by myself
And force smiles to please everyone
I try to help others with their battles while I lose my own
To do it all
That's my Fatal Flaw

What is Yours?

Favoritism, what a great way to treat kids
Pick your favorite, forget the others
Make them hate themselves
Let them cry alone in the night

The twinkle in the eyes,
The twinkle that shows pride
How that mere thing can be something for which a man yearns the most
He'll never have that twinkle
He'll never make anyone proud

Pretend they don't exist
They start to believe it
They begin to bleed just for someone to notice
No one loves enough to stop the bleeding

Insult after insult
They hide the bruises
The cracks it makes on the soul
No one sees them drown in their depression

Parents leaving when children start to die
Returning to find the undead
The gods of the past
The protectors of the young
They are not God
So ask Him for forgiveness

Notice who they've become
See their marks
See that fire that makes them fight
The pain didn't shatter them
Just left them forever scarred

I really needed you,
But you weren't there
You said you were my friend but you left me

I lay here broken and shattered, who can I let in now?
Who will hold the pieces together?
We made promises of eternity, tied our souls
But somehow you managed to break your oath
When things got rough you packed your things and left
Leaving nothing, not a trace
Now here you are once more, laying flowers on my grave
Why have you returned? You didn't care when I cried your name, Didn't look back when you heard me shatter

You already broke your promise, allowed me to swallow those pills, cared not when I slit my veins open
Yet here you are at my grave, and all you have for me are flowers
I thought you were my friend

These tears they burn my eyes
These shallow breathes make it hard to breath
All because you couldn't learn to accept me,
Now I'm on someone's couch trying to get back on my feet

I now get panic attacks,
And now my heart screams in agony
It doesn't hurt that you can't love me,
It hurts that I had to hurt you so that I could leave with my life,
It hurts that I had to break your bones so you couldn't break my neck

Finally this nightmare is almost over,
I never wanted to be the bad guy, just to be your son
Now I'm forced to battle you for my freedom

I'm sorry mother for what I must do,
But my swollen skin that your nails and teeth damaged have spoken,
You crossed the line, made me snap
No longer will I defend and protect you
Now you must pay for your mistakes
Because I no longer will be your punching bag

Please forgive me my mother,
I still love you, I always have,
But I must do what I must
I can never forgive you, I can't because I love you and you've damaged me enough, you're the reason why darkness stains my eyes
So forgive me my mother,
While you rot in your prison cell
Forgive me since you do not love me,
Because I will never forgive you since I love you