tired of looking at you
and feeling my heart leave my chest as it grew

tired of looking at you
and wondering if you look at me too

tired of looking at you
and seeing a future that will never be true

tired of looking at you
and not being able to power through

tired of looking at you
and feeling myself unglue

tired of looking at you
because i never get
tired of looking at you

you are broken.

but, like coloured fragments
in a stained glass window
light refracts through you
and creates something beautiful.

you are fractured.

but, like a cracked brick
in a weathered sidewalk
a flower tenderly pokes its head through
and creates a patch of optimism.

you are crushed.

but, like a crumbling Greek statue
millions look
from across the world
and marvel at your power.

there is beauty in whole,
and there is beauty in broken.
don't overlook either.

There was a story that I once told
Nobody believed me, felt they were so cold
I was hopeless to see a heart made of gold
Who could understand my story ten times fold

There was a woman who smiles in everything
In every moment, every situation that it brings
She was there hiding behind the mask while she sings
Nobody knows her tears, she's holding on to her last string

There was a story that I once cried with you
Now it was just a story to recall when I want to
Seeing us together, strong and faithful as we grow
There was a story, now I can't recall but you.

We've burned ourselves hopelessly to the idea of love.
But, is it ever enough to just let the fire die?
Pain seeks to every inch of our systems,
Bleeds to every part of our existences.
How can we break to grieve
when all we strive is to give love that's never needed?

We've been in love with people who didn't love us back.
We've been loved by people who we didn't love back.
But which is worse : To be broken or to break another?

The memories we can bare,
But seeing them again makes us feel unaware.
Seeing a smile upon their face
knowing we're the reason for it.
A smile : Fake : to try to move forward.
A smile : Evil : to get revenge.

We can't undo what's been done.
We can't unsay what's been said.
The saddest part of it all is...
We can't forgive ourselves and they can never forget.

I just want to explain how I feel.
My throat is tight and each breath I take I have to spend extra time trying to make sure I can actually breathe.
Sometimes, I can't.
Sometimes, I try to breathe but it won't work and I get dizzy. I feel dead. Numb.
I try so hard just to breathe and it doesn't work.
I want to talk. I wish I could say everything I want to say. But it's really hard to talk when you can't breathe.
I want to love. I want the feelings that I know I used to have back. I want all my feelings back. But, nowadays it's as if I can't feel a thing. Numb.
I tried to cry. For 2 hours. I wanted to know I was still alive, that I was still a person with air and lungs and feelings. No tears came out. I never cried. I want to so bad. I don't know if I am even alive anymore.
But I want to be.
God, I want to live so bad.
I used to think I wanted to die. I used to tell myself I wanted to vanish from life and be gone forever.
I don't..
I want to live. It is so exhausting to want to live. Have you ever wanted to live?
Does anyone, anywhere, want to live?
I can't live. I've been trying for so long and I'm so exhausted. I'm so over it. I am so over wanting to live. Please.

On nights like these I feel so alone..
I miss you and I crave your touch

I stare at my phone, knowing if I message you
You won't care

It's better to be alone and miss you
Then to feel hurt and betrayed.