i don't really know.
it's just that,
you plant a garden in my heart
and grow tulips.
you write a children's book in my mind
and read it to me until i fall asleep.
you are the windows rolled down
and new music.
you are fresh linen
and clean hair.

i must describe you so ordinarily
so the earth won't feel so bad about itself.
but it should feel honored
to hold something as special as you.

a.h.d.

i
fell
in
love
with your hands before they ever touched me
i want to kiss your knuckles and thank them for their strength
i'll hold your fingers for the art that they create
i'll ask so kindly for them to press against mine
you'll look at me as if i were crazy
but i'll kiss them all the same
because hands tell a lot about a person
and yours told me enough to make
me
fall
in
love

I WANT TO SCREAM AT YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR THICK SKULL
I WANT TO KISS YOU BECAUSE YOU MAKE MY HEART WARM
I WANT TO SHAKE YOU BECAUSE YOU ARENT THINKING STRAIGHT
I WANT TO HOLD YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE MY TREASURE
I WANT TO LEAVE YOU SO MY MIND CAN MOVE ON
I WANT TO BE NEAR YOU BECAUSE YOU BRING SUNSHINE
I WANT YOU TO GO AWAY
I WANT YOU

i want to take a vacuum to my soul to rid myself of you
you're in my nooks and crannies
hiding from my efforts
no matter how hard i work you'll still be there
constantly driving my compulsive mind to the edge
maybe i don't want to vacuum you all the way gone but i want to rid myself of the pain i feel when you are not here
i can't decide whats worse
the pain when you're gone or the pain i feel when you are here
i'm so needy
i'm so clingy
cut me off so i can heal myself in pity and self loathing
release me from your grip that you didn't even know you had on me
please

you were a constellation
a beautiful complexity
a pattern only I could see
but then it changed
the arrangement became an endless kaleidoscope
you were a mash of stars I could not make sense of
you entangled me in your lines until I could not see the way out
now all you are is the yellow city lights
forever blinding my view of the beauty beyond

it eats through me like a caterpillar going through a leaf
it may not have much strength, but I am even weaker
it tears through my body until it hits my throat
there remains the aches of forgotten worries and the lumps of memory
it devours my lungs, leaving them gasping for air
my eyes burn and all the water in the world could not satisfy them
I feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest as it anticipates it's demise
It's all inside my head
I come out the other end of it feeling exhausted
my body relaxes and the adrenaline leaves
I'm left breathless and confused
what just happened?