Daddy always said I had a good head on my shoulders
But I'm wondering how it's holding up as I'm growing older
It seems like the world is only growing colder
Words as weapons and guns coming out of their holsters
Things aren't the same since you were alive
I've really changed since that night that you died
I can't tell you how many nights I've lost to the tears that I've cried
My jaw is tired from holding this bullet I have to bite
To get through these hard times
What could I have done to deserve
You being stolen from my life?
You won't be there to walk me down the aisle
On my big day when I become someone's wife
You aren't here to help me when I struggle
When days seem filled only with strife

My world just keeps on changing
And there's no one here for me explaining
"It's ok, you can do this, there's so many things you'll be gaining"

See to me I just figured you'd always be around
Or at least until I got my feet on some solid ground
If there's anything that I've found
Is more sooner than later you're the one 6 feet down

So in the mean time I guess I'll just keep being confused
Being lonely
Learning from the abuse
Because that's all I can do
Now that my life doesn't have you
I'll miss you every single day
All the bad parts of you too
I'm sure one day I'll figure it out
Hopefully before I'm dead and blue

Honey, sweet fresh warm smooth

You're my bee and I'm your flower
I love you more with each passing hour
The bee to my bloom
The sun to my moon
The sound of your voice is my favorite tune

Buzzing with life
I warm to your touch
I need you to know I love you so much
There's never a morning or an end to a night
Where I don't think of you before I turn out the light

I love when you smile I love your big hugs
I love when you're thinking and I love your smirks and your shrugs
You give me a look and it gives my heart a tug

I know sometimes I seem only covered with thorns
But when I'm without you my heart is torn
When you hurt I hurt
If you push me away I'll always return

Our lives are heading in different directions
But you'll always hold my deepest affections
You can laugh at my stupid rhymes all you want
but I hope you read them to pass you the time when I'm gone

Don't ever feel lonely or scared or abandoned
Through the dark times I'll remain a close companion

I love you, peach
Wherever you are my love will always reach
No matter how far, or difficult the road
You'll always be my bee and I'll always be your rose

Look at the sun look at the moon
Tell me how can you leave so soon
Look at the stars as they reflect in my eyes
Tell me sweet nothings, nothing but lies
Look at my face that looks just like you
My hands, my lips and my feet do too
Look at my skin so fragile and pale
You try your excuses to no avail.

Not a thing you can do not a word you can say
Can ever make right the games that you played
Blood of my blood but not of my soul
I'll never regain the childhood that you stole.

Can I pretend I am a dragon if that means you'll be my flame?
A dark gray filled-up rain cloud if that means you'll be my rain?
A robin to my batman,
A bronze to my brains?
And when we're old we'll both walk the block leaning on our canes?

Tiny
Fingernails
There is
Not even a
heart beat
to destroy yet
No brain developed
to hook on nicotine
No eyes to shed hot tears
No hair to turn gray
Not big enough to really call a
human being
Small
Pitiful
Little
Tiny
Ball of
cells

You stole the wind from my lungs
And the ligaments connecting my bones held together by your touch were broken
Each nucleus of every cell looking to you for inspiration to continue humming with the rhythm of happiness is quiet
Beneath my sternum is a canyon that aches
Beneath my wrists are hands that shake
Beneath my nose is a smile that's fake
My body is tired from hoping to be admired
You stole all desire to keep alive this fire

Sad soul looking for something in life to inspire me
Used to be
Nothing could stop me now
I'm just too ******* tired, see--
Life with ease
Just isn't in my expertise  
"Could you be less dramatic, please"
Not really, actually...  
Usually
I don't talk about it--  
I keep it to myself
Hide all my problems on the highest shelf
Note to self
If you need help
Pop a pill and let it melt
Watch as colors blur and stir
Forgotten feelings of
Pure bliss
Weightlessness
and happiness
you thought had Died
along with your innocence
It's ******* isn't it
But picture it
You are a blank canvas
You are a lotus flower
Rising from the black abyss
Blooming zooming moving
Towards the top and the sky doesn't exist
But clouds have a funny way of providing more than just rain
The white is stained with pain
You feel like all your molecules
have been rearranged
The world looks strange nothing in it's right place
It's cool just go get *******
Let the poison erase
All but a trace
Say goodbye to this place
You're moving on
Way past gone as you try to remember what it was like
To feel normal
Like lyrics of a forgotten song

Sometimes I feel like I am a river
Flowing and carving a course without any control gravity pulls me the moon tugs me I am helpless can you blame me for wishing I could just evaporate and become nothingness?
Sometimes I feel like I am a tree
Growing slowly wise and old seeing things around me witnessing the world people carve their names into me I am scarred but my bark is rough and my leaves withstand to feel the warmth of the sun and the cool night air would you blame me for hoping I have a purpose?
Sometimes I feel like I am the wind
Traveling endlessly restlessly stirring leaves on the ground hoping I cause change that I will be felt and heard I am powerful at times and playful at others I am a welcome presence to people in need of a light breeze to cool off should you blame me if I am only searching for a place to rest?
Sometimes I feel like I am a cave
Tunneling deep into the earth I am dark and beautiful and dangerous the sun can't touch my cold stone walls I am cavernous solitude in the velvety darkness do you blame me when I can't let you shine a light within me?

The stars beat in your heart
A galaxy contained in your little frame
Your eyes are always full
With the blues of all the oceans you can't yet name  
In your mind there's constant dreaming
In your limbs there's always motion
Muscles contract and burn and grow
The world around you is in slow motion
Lessons are learned and tears burn hot canyons down your cheeks
Your favorite flower is one you have yet to see
Keep looking out the window
Searching with those big eyes
There's much more left to see
Still miles and miles out there to drive
Undiscovered depths yet to dive
A flower blooming and embracing life

No, doctor that's not the problem
You don't understand
I'm putting guns to my head like I don't own my hands
I'm laughing so loud in a crowd with my friends but as soon as I'm home
I feel slightly deranged
There's darkness inside me, doctor,
It's stopping me from living
turning the whole world grey when it used to be so vivid
making me a person that cannot stand to continue living because everything seems pointless and the clock just keeps on ticking
the light is still not coming to the end of my tunnel
Will there always be this black in my vision
I feel like I'm seeing double because one moment
I can't contain myself I'm radiating light
Then all at once the suns sets and I'm struggling to survive the night
Does bliss still exist in this seemingly endless fight
This weight on my chest is reaching a new height
Or rather low, I feel the blackness grow
I just don't know if you can fix me doctor
am I another lost cause
IV's and finger ******
Wrap me up with gauze
You can try to heal me from the outside but it's the inside that is
off

Nobody knows the secret place that we go
When we take our last breath
Reach our last step, heartbeat slows
If we go somewhere nice if we cease to exist
I know that what happens whatever it is
There's a few things for you that I would wish
I hope when you feel the sun on your face
You look up and smile and let it erase
The rain that's fallen on those same cheeks
Endure through the lows, enjoy the rare peaks
When it's cold don't forget to hug yourself close
When it's warm out again don't forget to unfold
Swing your arms out wide and embrace this precious life
Experiences are somethings on which there is no price
Pick yourself back up every time that you fall
Know you will lose and that you can't win them all
Reach as high as you can, and then reach some more
Keep your head in the clouds, keep your feet on the floor
Life is loud and chaotic and filled up with ****
Take moments to yourself to breathe and just sit
Listen to your soul to your body and your heart
You will never do anything if you never start
You will never go anywhere if you never depart
I hope sometimes you think of me and it isn't just with pain
I don't know what happens when we die
But I hope I'll see you again

I see these thoughts all in your head
But you won't tell me what they are
You're here lying in my bed
So close to my side but you feel so far
When you're asleep that little crease between your eyebrows goes away
I wish I could keep you smiling and take all your pain away

I know you're going through some things I just don't know what they are
We go on walks at night smoking cigarettes and looking up at the stars
I wish you'd talk to me I want to know who you are
Sometimes I wonder if it's me or some thing else you're looking for
I always wonder when will be the last time you'll walk out the door

You look at me but your eyes are clouded with other things
A lot of times when you talk I'm wondering what the ******* mean
I'm just trying to figure out where we stand
Trying to hold onto you is like trying to hold onto sand
You're just slipping through my fingers like I'm not your right hand man
Like I'm not always the one at the end of the night
Carrying you home watching the demons you fight
Like I'm not the one holding you until you fall asleep at night

I know you say you've never cried but wouldn't letting yourself feel it be better than letting yourself die?
I'm watching you sigh and wondering why your tears are falling out of MY eyes

You see right through me I'm invisible to you
Can you see me? I'm right hear screaming at you
You're blind and deaf to everything I say
I wonder how long it will take me to walk away
I think you're asking me to leave but that's a fact I just don't want to believe
Am I just as blind and deaf to you as you are to me?
Are you screaming at me too trying to show me things I don't want to see?
I guess I'm just as fucken dumb then
Trying to help you heal but how can I when I'm also broken

I love how much we laugh and joke around running all over the town
Whenever we're together I never want to see you down
You frustrate the hell out of me you drive me fucken crazy
But I still love our midday naps, watching tv being lazy

I think about how much you care about me all the time
I wonder if I'm the only one who has the others back or if you also have mine
I'm sitting here laughing having a good time but also questioning if I can trust you
Will we be friends for a hundred years or only just a few

Anything good is rarely ever simple
You threw a rock into my calm lake I watched the water ripple
Affecting my life affecting my mental
Smoke curls around our faces, clouding your smile filled with dimples

I think you know I'll always care, even as the way I care shifts and changes
The way we talk the way we move rearranges
Into a real friendship without restraints or cages
That come with the feelings of more than just friends
That chapter of us has come to its end
But I have nothing but a smile on my face because I'm happy with where we stand

The world is ever moving
Waking and dreaming forever
The sun is exploding the earth is turning the moon is as still as a pale white feather
The single tear of a child
Compares little to the vastness of the sea
She feels very small in the big wide world surrounded by things she's told she can't be
Compared to the hundreds of acres of forests
To the trillions of heartbeats, footsteps, and flutters of wings,
She feels very small
if even visible at all
And into herself she slowly sinks