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imai Jan 26
so this is what it feels like to be sad.
my heart tortures itself,
it  does  not  sting  as  much  as  an  ant’s bite,
nor  is it as  severe as  an  open  wound, but the pain reverberates.
my heart throbs  
to the beat of a sad piano tune,
it’s in dissonance.
the pain in my heart does not **** quick,
i think
but i am certain it drains.

so this is what it feels like to love.
my brain becomes unable to do most of  its basic  function,
I lose most of my self and
yet find parts of me I did not know existed, I associate every thing that I see with  Love,
and love everything that I see
I have  been  able  to live  without  Love since I’ve  come  to life,
now, I do not want to

so this is what it feels like to feel.
i’ve come across happiness,
happiness beyond belief.
happiness beyond reason
happiness,
just the word makes me think of you,
Love you taught  me  how  to feel.
imai Apr 2018
white petals have bloomed
in the sky
as i waited for you.

  the Sun has gone down,
  it could not wait,
  but i waited for you.

    i asked Time to stand still,
    it did not wait,
    not for you.

     it seems as though the
     world still carries on,
     even when every part of me
     aches for you.

   as i wait,
   i’ll think of an endless number
   of ways to get
   through you

  let me see you
  one last time,
  underneath the lonely
  deep blue

let me tell you
i love you
before you
lay with somebody new

let me hold you
on our last moment,
our final
rendezvous.
thoughts of a lover preparing to bid farewell.
imai Apr 2018
everything is on repeat.
   waking up then
   deciding what to eat,

showering,
trying to beat
the unrelenting heat,

walking amongst uncaring,
indifferent people,
on the street,

fighting to stay awake in class,
glued to my seat,

finding the ice cream
melting in my mouth,
to be a little too sweet—

everything is on repeat.
everything is on repeat.
everything is on repeat.

everything is on repeat.
life has become nothing but a game
i do not have the courage and will
to beat.
everything has become a routine.
imai Sep 2018
I’ll keep you in my hands
until you bubble up and fade away
I know that something as
precious you
won’t stay
long enough for me to begin to hate
the clock is ticking,
I know that Time will not wait
for the two of us,
not for me,
not for you,
not for a couple of misfits
of has been’s and too late’s

so I’ll keep you in my arms,
and hold on to you, fiercely,
gently,
I will keep you safe.
I know I come off as a coward,
I admit that I am not brave
still,
I will toughen up,
every hardship I will face.

For you, 

whom I love dearly,
no danger is too great.
imai Jan 23
you do good acts to please your god
you say good words to appease your god
you offer good things to ease your god
you live your life for your god
whom you fear and teach all your peers
to cower from
you believe your god sees all that you do
and all the others, too
you believe that your god has time for you
you believe in your god
does it believe in you, too?
you live in fear of its judgment
oh god!
I’ve no god,
no one to fear
no one to hear
do i scare you?
I remember you said that
godless people like I scare you
if so,
then am I your god as well?
imai Apr 2018
clothed in darkness,
i am robbed of my senses—
though i am left
with the sensation of
your touches,
i have become senseless
undone, my defences—
useless,
with a single caress,
a blushing mess,
i try not to obsess
over your intense
pretense—

though all is in vain,
you are relentless,
and i am
reckless.
requested by Yan F
imai Dec 2018
i remember you
fondly
in a haze of smoke and liquor
your face illuminated by neon lights
you were a sight impossible to forget,
a sight I’d never regret

so I remember you
sweetly,
distinctly,
your voice echoes in my head
my heart pounds, beats erratically,
though your mouth formed words
I understand not a word you’ve said
with you i’ve become a mess
tipsy,
even without a drop of liquor in me

so I remember you
fervently
the heat of the slightest of your touch
your breath on my neck,
every cliché that ran through my mind,
each fear that crossed,
which you’ve erased with time,

I remember you
so vividly
not even time can jade your memory.
to the girl I'm falling for
imai May 2018
i watch her from below.
every time she descends,
slides down the pole,
time slows
until it comes to a stop.

she moves her body gracefully,
head held high,
professionally,
she sways her hips
puckers her lips
as intoxicated exhilarated men
shower her with tips

but she glows,
vividly against neon lights,
like a firefly who cannot cry
so it burns bright
till the day it dies,
on the brink of death,
she shines like a
star on its final breath

i watch her from below
she says she’s used to it,
but i know
her better
than all the body glitter—

i watch her from below,
still i cannot say anything
for i am
nothing but a mere spectator
of her show.
imai Apr 2018
short and contained moans
fill my ears—
i think of every gasp
as “i love you’s”
i know i would never hear

        hot and sweaty hands
        grasp my thighs—
        i think of every touch
        as promises
        i know you will let die

                strong and desperate hips
                ****** against my own—
                i think of every action
                as “i’ll miss you's”
                i know you’ll never think
                when you are alone.

        long and tired legs
        entangle with mine—
        i think of this finality
        as a self note
        to make this the last time.

cold and distant nothingness
fil the space beside me—
i try to think nothing of this,
i would only be,
once again,
lonely.
more than your body, more than a moment
imai Jan 23
it feels like i am dreaming
even in waking life—
to long for feelings I’ve never felt
to miss a presence I’ve never met
to relive a memory I’ve never had
it feels strange to miss things
that have never happened
to wish to come back to a time
that has never occurred
to once again be the person
I never was
to revisit a place
I’ve never been

Indeed, it feels strange
to want all that
I’ve had only in my dreams.
imai Jan 23
still, I remember her wrapped in sheets
white, will not, could not mistake it
her hands beckoned me to come forward
she seemed proud of her nightly conquest
she wanted me to look
peel my eyelids open
no, she wanted me to stare
down on what she has ensnared
there in her bed,
laid a man revolting,
he did not seem
like a man, rather a demon disguised,
sheets though white could not hide

still, I recall her
smiling triumphantly
looking down proudly on her catch
of all the prey she has caught
this one will be her downfall
imai Jan 17
only the good die young
the wretched stretch and fold
gray then mold
all the sinners inevitably grow old
if this is truly so,
then afterlife’s keeper must be
cruel and cold
treating life as a commodity only
while it sweats gold
of such saying, I’ve been told
and retold
life for the good runs so quickly
it slips your hold

if all good things must come to an end
then,
I shall live forever.
imai Feb 22
She controls her laughter,
lets it slip from the edge of her mouth,
the corners of her lips lift ever so slightly,
then, she makes a sound,
seamlessly, her fingers graze my thighs,
smoothly, her eyes meet mine,
and in her eyes, I see my reflection—
aflame, abashed, and fiery,

She is the answer I’ve scoured the world for,
and yet, she, herself, remains a mystery,

Ah, I see,
She controls her laughter
as easily as she controls me.
imai Feb 25
Your silence hurts me,
it reduces me to a frantic mess.
For so long you’ve embraced me,
I’ve become a madman, obsessed.
Right when I’ve bared all my vulnerabilities,
you cease your caress—

Your silence hurts me,
have I become someone you detest?
imai Jun 2018
she tells me
she’s in love,
all the time.

all with different guys,
all with different lies,
all the while,
the same shine in her eyes.

she says she’s in love,
and her love is kind—
though it is anything but.
i’ve seen the havoc it leaves behind.

she calls it love,
because she would
lose herself
if he left—
she could care less
for her kids
that would weep,
no,

their tears,
they could keep.

they were mistakes
she shouldn’t have made.
those children aren’t love
but the price she has paid.

my mother tells me she’s in love
one too many times.

i’d love to see her eyes
shine the same way
when she tells me,
she loves me.
the kind of love
a mother
provides.
a challenge by YanF
imai Apr 2018
I love you
only in ways
I am allowed to.

I admire you
only from afar,
where I cannot touch you.

I dream of you
only in the deepest of nights,
an unconscious rendezvous.

I wish for you
only in silence,
not one desire, untrue.

I love you
only in the dark,
‘cause under the sunlight,
I’d be reminded of your
watermark—

you are not mine,
though I am yours.

I love you
alone
it is the only love
I’ve ever known.
imai Jun 2018
LOVE
could be a question of
who
when
how
but never
‘why?’

LOVE
could be a matter of
falling unexpectedly
under the sweetly cool
november sky

LOVE
could sometimes be
a gradual burn
or high paced recklesness
laced with unmasked desperation
and a wordless goodbye

LOVE
could have been
you and I

but LOVE
I never would have thought
be fleeting and discreet-
surprisingly gone
the moment we meet

LOVE
as I now know it to be
is an erratic creature
neither bitter nor sweet

LOVE
is a moment
I would never forget-
his eyes aflame under
the painted sunset

LOVE
was him
and all the things we
left unsaid

LOVE
is now
nothing but a far memory-
that of a star that once burned the brightest but
now is
dead.
I saw him yesterday, for the first time in a while.
I was expecting butterflies and all the trouble that accompanied a girl in love, but I was greeted with none of those.
I felt calm. It seems that I have moved on.
I've written this poem a long time ago, but it is only now that I truly relate to it.

— The End —