some days i am so sad
i feel like i could throw up.
i imagine it's all the words I've swallowed
trying to climb out of me.
on days like this,
i think about all the times people have told me
i deserve to be happy.
and for some reason,
i cannot stop crying.
on days like this,
i find myself unable to get out of bed.
on days like this,
i think to myself,
"there are no good days,
only days like this."
sometimes i can't seem to shake the feeling
that everyone's out to get me.
and suddenly,
people start to smile brighter
when i'm not around.
i know what i must do.

on days like this,
i wish i could just cut this sadness out of me.


abandon ship
j.c.

I've had a hunch that
it's all been meaningless.
Oh yes,
beautifully meaningless,
every word,
every touch,
utterly meaningless.

Why does everything make me sad...
Good things make me sad...
Seeing people happy makes me ache
Everywhere I’m in pain
Because I really don’t feel okay
And I know people are figuring things out
They’re finding reasons to be alive
And every time I see them
Enjoying being alive
I am reminded
That I don't want to be

Dear diary;
this heartbreak stuff
does wonders for my writing.
Is it a price worth paying?
Probably not,
but it’s not
like I have a
choice.

One more kiss,
one more drink,
and I can go home
a happy man.
Oh, if only it were
that simple.

i was so used to people leaving
that it occurred to me like a habit
–a daily routine, a little less off my to do list

it was always bound to happen
like a messy bed after a night's sleep
then I will open my eyes
when the clock ticks at eight

i was used to people leaving
that i leave the front door open
and keep it unlocked as a habit
so ill have little less people to keep

10th July 2017

To My Husband

As I watch your life, slipping away
We share all the things we want to say

We have time to reflect, encourage and love
To be grateful with warmth, to look beyond and above

We remember the good and laugh at the bad
And take time to listen and embrace the sad

It is a rich time, this time that we have
What has been, what is now, is what will be had

As your strength fades, and your eyes slowly dim
We look beyond the body you are in

When death approaches and your final breath taken
We know your spirit, will soar with elation

You will look at this world and say your goodbyes
And peace will take you as you pass through the sky’s

All the best for your journey
Your loving wife